Category Archives: Goose Freckles

20/08/2012

Against the Flow

By hairygoose

God bless these fashionistas !

So last night, after watching the sunset on the western tip of the island, i cycled for home good and hard.  In general terms, good and hard means with little or no consideration for the local laws – I prefer it that way.

On my very last leg, I happened across Nantuckets equivalent of a CSO – or community support officer – generally considered wanna be coppers that couldn´t quite make the grade.

“Sir, Sir – Are you aware you are travelling the wrong way with your light flashing?” he yelled at me as I sped across the cobbles á toute grande vitesse`as they might say in France.

At this point – several responses flashed into my mind

1. Are you aware you are exceeding the weight limit for your belt?

2. Oh really? I thought all of the cars were going the wrong way!

3. I am sorry – I don’t speak American old chap! (of course this would have been in my best British accent!)

Of course, not wanting to get into a confrontation with the rotund little beggar, I simply replied – ‘Yes, indeed I am’.

It’s time to head back to Newport again, racing at the weekend – if you can call it racing.  This big old bus is about 3 times the size of an Americas Cup boat and around 20 times slower. I also seem to have completely knackered the rear wheel bearings in my very bloody expensive bike – so the theory of buying expensive and lasting longer is right out of the window – unless of course the shop changes it on warranty, we shall know by wednesday

The babies and horses gallery is now officially closed – I am pleased to say that, as expected, I got exactly the kind of shite that I had hoped for.  I am open for ideas for something new, something fresh, something a little bit different.

Answers on a post card please

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17/08/2012

The Poo Barrier

By hairygoose

I am not talking about the sound barrier – nor am I talking about the pain barrier, although both of these can be associated with my running style.

I am talking about the poo barrier.  The point in your run when you realise that ‘yes – carry on and enjoy the run’ or ‘nope – gonna need to unload somewhere quick sharp!’

Now for me, this normally happens at around 1 mile – the mile mark is also my first pain barrier to cross (the second is at 3 miles) so at that mile marker, my discomfort can sometimes be two fold.  Take Wednesday night for instance, first night back on land and headed out for a quick 3 miler on Nantucket.  Went for a dump before I left the boat thinking this would be a good run but was foiled at the 1.02 mile mark by the high pressure build up in my butt hole.  It was so quick and intense that I knew my run was over unless I could offload – worse still, I knew I had to walk or I would be in severe trouble.  Luckily for me, there was a restaurant nearby.

I walked in, still clenching.  Asked the greeter at the door if I could use the toilet and to my joy she said yes.  Of course I made it to the ceramic god to drop my payload like a B52 in the Cold war and even managed a quick sharp turn around so that I could get running again.

There is one very huge problem with this though.  Try running a mile and then sitting down for a couple of minutes.  As I entered the restaurant, I was still looking pretty fresh, after all, a mile is easy – just a warm up right?  Then sit on the toilet for a few minutes and wait for the sweat to appear.  So, that very nice girl that greeted me in a reasonably calm and non sweaty manner, is then seeing me exit some 5 minutes later covered and dripping in sweat, in fact sweating like a rapist is a phrase that would describe it best.  Worse still, she knew I only wanted to use the toilet so what the hell had I been doing in there for 5 minutes?????

To add insult to injury, when I took a look on my Runkeeper satellite tracker, it clearly shows a spike in activity where I had to stop to use the dunny.  Click the link below and wait for it to load, scroll down below the map and look at the blue line – nice spike at my pitstop.

http://runkeeper.com/user/hairygoose/activity/110081059?&mobile=false

 

I will leave you now – I have some work to do before we take this old bus racing.

 

 

 

 

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15/08/2012

Goombay Dance Band

By hairygoose

It’s worrying – the things I can think about while I am in the shower washing my tackle.  The older amongst you will remember this little track, 7 Tears – well it just came to me in a flash of inspiration so please take a moment and click the link, turn up the volume, put on your flares and sing along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKikIsRCkvs

After you have finished wiping the tears of laughter away, there is still St Winifreds School Choir to contend with

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x76VCJKsa38

and to finish with, and to balance the sexual equality stakes, Clive Dunn.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KJGJRd8pGE

 

It was a good year, 1969 – many a thing happened of great importance

The Americans put a man on the moon

They also started pulling troops out of Vietnam

Then spread the love with a little festival called ‘Woodstock’

Concorde flew for the first time (before you smart arses try and say it was `71 – that was when it first went into service)

de Gaulle resigned of President of France (aparently for smelling of cheese)

The original and by far the most superior version of the film ‘The Italian Job’ was made

The Harrier jump jet entered service with the RAF

British troops deployed in Northern Ireland

and of course – I was born!

 

Babies and Horses – should I be surprised?  The two Coopers flooded me with pictures.  so many that I had to get selective and only upload around 20 of them.  You can see them on the right hand side of the page under the heading ‘babies and horses’ strangely enough – if you still have some to send, let me have them soon before I close the invitation off.

Welcome on board to Mr Yates finally – I kind of forced his hand a little bit but he needed a nudge, the old fudge packer

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h4RnduOjyw&feature=related

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12/08/2012

Just what is the secret of Lisa Melvin?

By hairygoose

I am curious – every time without fail, when I log onto my blog to see what’s been happening, I can see the search strings that people use to get here – ALWAYS – Lisa bloody Melvin’s name is there! What has she done to be so popular?

There are several downsides to working at sea.  So far this year I have missed two weddings, the Queens Jubilee, the Olympics Opening Ceremony and today’s closing ceremony.  Add to that, I last saw my girlfriend way back in the first half of June and we are currently planning to meet up in Vegas at the beginning of October.  Always, Christmas is missed as I am usually over here in the Caribbean but missing the fuss of Christmas is not really a big deal.

Today I watched the text highlights on the BBC website of the closing ceremony – Can’t stream live because I am officially in the wrong territory, but I can read someone else’s text.  To be fair, this is how I have seen all of the Formula 1 races this year so far – as a live text feed put in by someone else.

I am heavily bored today – we have guests on and are hopping our way up the East Coast of the U. S of A – fuck yeah !  Having guests on severely limits the work I can do, in general its a time for reading manuals and work histories – but that doesn’t stop it getting boring.  I also can’t get off the boat for any exercise which is driving me bloody mental.

Life without Facebook is proving surprisingly spectacular – I haven’t missed it – baby and horse photos all over the place and all that gibberish shit that twats like to post.  I have encouraged a few new readers this week and to honour them, I am considering a photo gallery totally dedicated to …………….Babies and Horses !!

Please welcome the terrible Cooper sisters, Amy and Lynsey and of course Amy Horne too – I reckon between the 3 of them, they could fill a whole photo album with the above mentioned shite.

So lets have it then – Baby and Horse photos mailed to me at the usual address for inclusion in the gallery of the year.  Use your imagination though – astound me, surprise me with your artistic content – although those comments do worry me with what I might receive from the Jelly and Custard stable – it could get messy.

What’s in store for the coming week?  Who knows.  I have just agreed to stay on past my 2 month probation period on board Timoneer. You can have a look at this old beauty at www.timoneer.org

So, Races next week I think and then the Newport Bucket is calling – much beyond that, we don’t really know where or what we will be doing.

I would like to leave you with a little thought for the evening (or Monday morning where you are ) – without exercise, my poos have turned from a huge mound of steaming organic waste to something that more resembles what next door’s cat might leave on your pebble driveway – does this mean I will be gaining weight at a couple of pounds a day ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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04/08/2012

British Gold Medals at the Olympics

By hairygoose

What’s the difference between a blog and a web site ?

Here to help me explain, is a sample of a website by Connor

http://jellyandcustard.wordpress.com/about/

As you will see – Connor’s website is a story about his car.  The story is written and thus the website will not change, whilst my blog is always changing, or to be absolutely correct, ‘evolving’.  So there you have it, the diffrence between a blog and a website explained in a jiffy.

Now for something more interesting.

I am bloody knackered.  Struggled to complete a 2.75 mile run tonight, legs as heavy as Nigela’s left breast – and that is heavy.  Back to Nantucket tomorrow, while I am there I will be missing my second wedding of the year over in Mallorca and I really wanted to go to that one too.

The boat is being very badly behaved – it seems like every day there are two things breaking and I only manage to get one fixed.  I turned down a 2 month job in Alaska yesterday too – I am beginning to wish I hadn’t been quite so hasty – a job on a 6 year old Royal Huisman…….I wonder if it is too late to get in touch with the guy again?

All in all – I need a motivational boost.  My two month probationary period is up on the 12th and I have to decide if I want to stay – I guess what happens in the next week will make my decision for me – if the boat continues to fail, I will be off – if it behaves well, I should stay.

Now, I hear you cry, jumping a sinking ship and all that – I have little quarms about doing so – that probationary period is as much for me to check out the boat as it is for the boat to check out me – and ultimately, this boat is not the shining pin that the previous engineer suggested it was.  On those grounds, I shouldn’t feel bad about walking away.  Let`s face it, if I had told them I was a wizzard at navigation and turned out not to be, they would have little hesitation to drop me  like a hot brick of shit – so fair is fair.

On the up side – it is quite a good programme.  Lots of space on board for my surf board, mountain bike and running shoes, I might struggle to find another vessel with that amount of space, although, what I initially thought was a good salary offer has already been matched twice this week by two other vessels so maybe I should give this one some serious considerations.

So, something to think about.

I see good old Blighty is doing rather well in the medals tables – good old Team GB! I can think of little more satisfying than winning an Olympic Gold Medal for your country – the down side, I can’t watch any of it over here on the boat!

Now, an early night beckons, and it’s not even 9pm

Bye!

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28/07/2012

I see the Euro has fallen again !!!

By hairygoose

Frustrated………..I am beginning to understand why that dude ran into the cinema, flung tear gas grenades and started shooting people.  It’s because he had been trying to call businesses to get things done and just got fucked off with voicemail and people talking shite.

I called a supplier yesterday, with 4 items on my order list.  After describing the first item, she put me on hold immediately after telling me she was going to do it.  When she came back, I asked her if she wanted details of my complete order first before she went off again to check the items.  Her response was, nothing less than classic. ‘ I have two other lines (phones) blinking at me with incoming calls’ strange that, being a phone order line. So I calmly asked her ‘ If I am troubling you, maybe I should call back later?’

I actually went one better – I called a competitor – the freedom of choice is alive and well.

Sadly, I got voicemail again.  I did leave them a message this time ‘where are all the real people?’ before trying again later.  Now let me tell you, Bill was very helpful, sorted my order, paid and dispatched a day before the ‘blinking lights bitch’ even managed to email me a quote.  Today, it got even better.  I found a company called ‘engine controls unlimited’ who make ECU’s for my generators on board. Now these people were just insanely good.  They did momentarily put my faith back in America – I say momentarily because I know next week, some dumb ass will tick me right off in a flash.

Today I went for  surf after work.  I even bought a new board! Oh my missus will moan about that – I always bitch about how much she spends on hand bags but this month I have spent 3000 dollars on a bike and today 400 dollars on a surf board.  I bought a BIC this time, not one of those fibreglass jobs, but a rugged plastic thing that will take all the knocks that the boat will throw at it.  That said – 700 euros is more than a tad expensive for a hand bag – even if it does have a matching purse!

The surf was far from epic and mentally crowded too – but always a laugh…..It’s good to get wet.

Here’s a question for you – crisp packets – why do they make them so damn hard to open? I just tried and gave up, chocolate instead!

I got excited earlier this week – I noticed 3 new subscriptions to the blog – please everyone welcome Neal, Vanda and Connor.  Connor has a blog all of his own – I will post a link shortly.  I would also like to congratulate Amy Winehouse for completing a year free of drugs and alcohol – Well done Amy!

Facebook – oh dear Facebook – recently you will have noticed my plan to ditch the site.  I had over 400 ‘friends’ on there.  I posted a status update saying I was quitting and people should send me their details.  For a select few (well around 130 to be precise) I also sent a message asking them to email me with their mail address as Facebook has last month changed your contact details on your account so I can no longer see your true email address but only your ‘@facebook.com’ email address, whether you asked for it or not!

I had less than 10 responses !

Ok, some of the 130 I already have their details but less than 10 responses – it does kinda make you wonder about the true value of Facebook.  I did read an article the other day about Facebook buying face.com , a company that specialises in facial recognition software – watch out with that one.  Here’s the thing, the USA is so full of gun toting loons that I actually have Mark Zuckerberg in second place on my celebrity death list.

Who is number 1 I hear you ask?  Well here is my list.  It is with great sadness that I put this fella at the top, not because I dislike him, in fact I love this old bugger for just being sensible about things – most recently shunning Martin McGuiness (the murdering bastard) on the last royal trip to Ireland, but purely because of his recent health issues

1. Prince Philip – HRH The Duke of Edinburgh

2. Zuckerberg

3. Bashar Al Assad – this fucker deserves to die and should be at Nº1 but the UN are just gutless on this one.

4. Michael Barrymore

5. Dame Edna Everidge

I admit, Barrymore is a weird one – just haven’t heard anything of him for a while, no dead fellas floating in his pool – what is a hot spot not?

Lets talk about fitness for a while.  I have had a record breaking month in several ways.  137.5 miles of mountain biking, 55 miles of running but only 40 miles of walking. Of course the month is not over yet! Expect increases in all three totals but I won’t be breaking my walking record this month.  Would have been nice to complete the hatrick but maybe next month.  I also hit the very elusive 95 kilos this month, looking somewhat like an AIDS victim if I choose the wrong shirt – in fact, I wore my shortie wetsuit tonight and it was embarrassingly too big for me

I would really have liked to watch the Olympic opening ceremony today but sadly no TV here – I am certain that Blighty kicked ass as only the Empire could

Long Live the Queen !!

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16/07/2012

Isle of Man TT circuit

By hairygoose

Heading back to Nantucket now for the next couple of weeks.  I enjoyed Maine, very beautiful part of the world, only downside is the sheer amount of lobster pots that you have to dodge.  Now, I am not saying there are a few hundred, more like a few thousand – makes navigating this big old bus quite interesting.  I also wondered how there could be any lobster left here with the amount of pots in the water – either that or they buoys are all just for show and there is nothing below.

Treated myself to a new pair of running shoes at the weekend.  The old ones are just completely worn out from the mileage – they have now been relegated to cycling shoes.  On the subject of cycling, I went out yesterday for a quick burn.  When I got back to the boat, the sat nav suggested I had just covered 37.63 miles – the same as the Isle on Man TT circuit, I was well chuffed.  A little later I realised that the TT circuit is in fact 37.73 miles so I dropped a little short.  I also fell short on beating my personal best of just under 40 miles – but in all honesty, I was tired and bored.  Road riding on a mountain bike is not all it’s cracked up to be.

So, America! Land of the free aparently…………not so.  I got ID’d to get into a bar the other night, I am 42 ffs – better still, the stewie on board was refused entry as she didn’t have ID – she is 36.  So many things that you can’t do here – remember the Ziggy Marley concert?  I also cycled onto an island yesterday while out. Got to the gate house and spoke to the guard.  ´Can’t cycle on here`he said, and pointed me towards the bike rack.  You can walk, or drive – but no cycling.  How twisted out of shape is that ?

My recent experiences of America convinced me to watch ´Team America – World Police` again last night – what a superb piss take that was – America fuck yeah – so lick my ass and suck on my balls !!

Distance running has been the order of the month so far – almost 37 miles covered in two weeks.  Only 3 miles to go to beat my personal best for a month!  Next time out will be in my new trainers too.  All of this exercise added to working hard has contributed to a little more weight loss.  Got on the scales on friday to see that I had reached the ever so elusive 95 kilos – in fact 95 dead.  I am now considerably skinnier than this time last year. Actually look like an AIDS victim if I wear some of my old ´fat boy`shirts that I bought a year ago.

To treat you all and celebrate the colony that is called America, I am uploading some recent photos from my cycle yesterday, including a shot or two of my new steed.  I had been running past some graffiti recently and really liked it, so much so that I went back with my camera yesterday.  I pity the fool that mis-spelled ‘happy fourth of July’  I guess that’s what you call American Graffiti.  New photos to the right, click on ‘America 2012’

Take a look at my fitness shit mofo’s, almost 1500 miles in 9 months

http://runkeeper.com/user/hairygoose/profile

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05/07/2012

4th July Celebrations Stateside

By hairygoose

Yesterday, I was talking to a supplier trying to get some spares.  When the conversation had finished, the guy said to me ‘happy 4th of July’! I told him I was English but it appeared to be wasted on him – maybe even some of you.  4th July is the celebration of America gaining independence from the British.  So why would I be celebrating a loss ?  It went completely over his head too.

So the septics won the war of Independence – or so they think!  There are two very poignant points I am about to make that will put into question the level of independence.

1.  When I woke up today and got on deck, on 4th July, a national holiday – it rained.  Things don’t get more british than rain on national holidays.

2. This is a beauty – for all of the remaining days of the year, the septics refer to the date in this way – July 10 or September 11, but for this one day a year, a day that celebrates an alleged victory over the empire, they say it the right way around ‘the 4th of July’ – just like us brits do all year long.

I think subconsciously – we won that battle.

I will say 1 good thing about America though – they do like to fly their flags, and they fly them with pride – something the English are afraid to do for fear of being branded a racist in their own country. While we are on the subject, Spain and Portugal too – you will see flags flying everywhere, but never upside down!

Recent Jubilee celebrations in England made me realise just how many Brits have no idea which way up the Union Flag should be flown – is there any hope for a nation that cannot fly its flag correctly?

But then it all went wrong.  Fireworks to finish the day off and the septics ‘whoop whooped’ the whole way through them. I find it supremely annoying so didn’t stay on deck to watch the fireworks but beat a hasty retreat downstairs.

There is one good thing about 4th July – It’s Colin’s birthday.  Easy one to remember that, a bit like my own birthday, my mum’s birthday (2 days after mine), Jake’s birthday (born on Friday 13th), David’s birthday ( a day after Jake’s) and of course sisters birthday (August – I get in trouble if I forget that one).  The missus reminds me constantly in the weeks approaching her birthday so I don’t feel the need to remember that one.

Enough – soon we leave Nantucket and head for Maine, but in the interim, for those confused flag fliers, please see the link to the Union Flag Act of 2008 below

http://www.flaginstitute.org/index.php?location=7.3

 

 

 

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02/07/2012

Lies, Captains and Engineers. Pt II

By hairygoose

So smug was my last post that the boat decided to react to it, giving me three alarms that night that would interrupt my sleep.  I, of course managed to solve the problems and get back into bed but did lose a couple of hours.

Friday night, the crew headed out for a Ziggy Marley concert. It was alright too.  a big tent, all seated, with very over zealous security.

Sit down – no dancing in the aisle, sit down, no flash photography, don’t bring your beer in

It did kind of spoil it actually.  I stood outside of the tent with a beer in hand and an excellent view of the stage and that made it much better.  I left shortly afterwards on the back of a Taxi bike, really quite pissed!

Saturday was my watch so not much happened that day, although my new bike did have a shock absorber replaced under warranty, and I then stripped it down and put it in its bag for the trip tomorrow to Nantucket.

I missed the opportunity to beat my monthly run record.  I needed to run on either friday or saturday for around 8 miles but due to my other commitments, I missed it completely.  Maybe this month?  Either way, I am rather happy to say that my total exercise count is now 268 activities, covering 1384 miles and burning a massive 157, 546 calories and all of that since 21st October last year.

Fit as a fiddle

Enough for now, Nantucket Island tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

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