Monthly Archives: December 2008

Spanking the surf

Landed yesterday morning after a very bumpy flight from mallorca – queued for ever to pick up my hire car, walked out of the office vowing never to use Sixt rent a car again and then i arrived at my bay – A3 .
Looked at the car in the bay and pressed the door unlock button on my keyring in sheer hope that the indicators would flash and i was standing in front of the car i had rented, and that the receptionist hadn’t just mad a mistake and directed me to the wrong bay.
Bingo!!  i had just unlocked the doors to my car for the next 4 days, a brand new 4×4 Subaru Legacy Estate.  If only those people in the office knew what they had just done.  The had rented me a rally bred car – and i live in the heart of rally country – even better still, it was raining like hell so all the lanes would be as slippery as a mud wrestlers nipple!
I hit the motorway and let some air into the cylinders to see what this beast would do.  when i got clear of the turn to lisbon, i cranked it wide open – just over 220kph, i have no idea what that is in johnny english – somewhere around 120 or 130mph i guess but the windscreen wipers kept lifting off the screen so i had to slow down a little.  I had ragged its sweet arse all the way from faro and used nearly half a tank of juice to boot! a round trip i would normally do in the peugeot on around a quarter of a tank.
Today i hit the surf – the south coast was plentiful, Mareta was big and heavy so i went further east to find calmer waters as i was feeling inadequate for such waters on my first day.  Praia do Furnace was deserted, alone on a south coast beach – heavenly.  the water was lumpier and harder work than it looked from the shore and it took a while for a break in the sets so that i could paddle out.
Bingo again – first wave i paddled for, i was on my feet – there is life in the old dog yet!!
On the way in, i got caught in the shore break and the force of the waves snapped my leash and i was separated from my board.  I was scared too, the current was strong.  First priority was to get myself to safety, then when i had my feet on the sand i would go and find the board.  The poor board was caught in the current too and i had to run along the beach to get it, problem was, the tide was coming in fast and was already lapping at the foot of the cliffs which makes things very tricky, even more so with the current trying to drag me back out to see.
I got the board but was a little cut off from the beach and i had to wade back around the point.  My legs were tired and my muscles cramping – a stark reminder of how dangerous the sea can be, even for someone like me with extensive local knowledge.
I was glad to get back to the car.  Headed home to get a spare leash and then to Mareta this afternoon.
Similar thing there – heavy shore break.  I waited for a break in the sets and paddled out to safety.  Once i got there, i was scared.  The waves were steep, i was on the 10’2”.  clean up sets would come through and take everybody out.  If i wanted a ride in, i had to either take one of the big ones or take a chance on my timing and hed in 10 metres to pick up the smaller stuff, but in between the bigger sets.
I took my change and headed in and tried for a ride on the smaller stuff and made itto the relative safety of the shore break – took 3 on the head before there was enough of a break fro me to drag myself out of the water.
twice in one day – i had been very scared – so much so, i dont think i can even be bothered to rally the subaru back home.  Tonight i will sleep well, tomorrow, the post office and maybe another surf

The love bus – last legs

it is with infinite sadness that i have to finally admit my trusty old peugeot is now on its last legs.
I was trying to fix it today, the blower won’t work, not good on misty or rainy mornings.  After dismantling the whole dash board i finally realised that it is slowly becoming a lost cause.  the drivers door closes properly only when it wants to, which is a real pain in the arse when you have to drive on the motorway in the rain!
I will probably get it back to portugal early next year and officially retire it to a surf mobile, used only for dusty tracks and surf trips.  It will finish its years in the glorious sunshine, never to be washed again.
On a lighter note, as the economy continues to grind to a halt, i rejoice in the fact that my money will go further when i want to rebuild my `pad.  maybe when i get home later next week , i will find an architect and start drawing up plans for the new place.
It’s all very exciting i must admit – a custom built place, to my own specifications, with work surfaces and cupboards at a height that suits me and no-one else.
work has been full on – even been working all weekend but i like to try and stay ahead so will keep plugging away with it.
will be in mallorca for xmas and new year , with a few days at home in portugal in between.  my flight cost 400€ return – which at the moment is easy to convert to johnny english as it is as good as 1:1
so i continue – one eye on ebay for a new motor


ok ok, i know, it’s been more than a month but all that i have been doing is working – so thats my excuse!!!!
Tonight, i let loose a little.  no work this weekend and no shops open, not even the supermarkets – not even  supermaercado cidon in portals nous and that place is ‘open all hours’.
Facebook family will be aware that tonight i ventured into a small restaurant called ‘Karkade’ to view some exotic belly dancers.  It’s fair to say that the first two dances really didn’t inspire me, i was beginning to think that at the end of the evening i would have to be ‘polite’ and tell them that i really enjoyed the evening.
stragne thing was, by the third dance, they were really hotting up.  So much infact that my host for the evening came out and started dancing like she had ten vibrators shoved up her snatch – it really was excellent to watch.
In true latina tradition, they were later than billed – so much so that i didnt make it to bar ‘Aretha’ until 12.30am to meet the birthday boy Paul.  The dancing was so exotic that i troubled the dancer for her phone number and got it – so we will be taking coffee tomorrow afternoon, as soon as i wake up !
Bar Aretha was as cool as its name suggests – a chilled out place that kept us going until near 2am. when we left for Gomilla.  Gomilla has a reputation as seedy as it name sounds.  Hookers of both sexes are allegedy as abundant as boats in a boat yard – i have to say, i never saw either!!
We hit an ‘alternative rock’ bar called ‘ Tunnel ‘ , a real grunge pit at first impressions.  It had potential but the locals still don’t have any idea what a grunge night or mosh pit is all about.  i can only compare it to ‘The Charlotte’ in leicester city centre (Max, you will love this place, if you do actually make it here in january, i promise to take you ).  I tried, with the help of birthday boy paul to start a mosh – the locals dance like they are at a Kylie Minogue concert, feet rooted in one spot.  They were completely head fucked at what we were doing but we carried on regardless, even if it was a very soft version of what you might see in the UK.  Tunes like queens of the stone age, rage against the machine, RHCP, Pearl Jam, i even heard Blink 182 at one point and of course ‘ enter sandman’ by the ever mighty metallica!
By 04.20  , i was as sweaty as a hookers twat on a busy night and decided to leave for home.  I walked, crab like, sideways all the way home, it took me all of 20 minutes, i am sure it would be half of that sober!!
And now, finally, i am home, pissed as a tart and smelling like a crack whore’s nickers after a fifty dollar score!
I would like to thank the ever lucious Lisa Melvin for her prompt to update my blog, Cristina Jimenez for being my belly dancer for the evening, Max in Leicester for just being herself and Russ Clark for always being a complete cock !!!!
Authors footnote – wow, its been years since i wrote one of these!!  i would just like to say that while writing this, i was completely munted !!  Big love to Gary Lineke and of course, Fat Pat (Pocahontis)

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