I went shopping today. It was not your normal shopping trip but it was for me.
An elegant chance to fool around in someone elses territory so fool around I did.
I was looking for one of those bluetooth speaker thingys that are all the rage at the moment. I was struggling to find one that I liked but did happen across a slightly larger version with a separate woofer and fancy LED’s.
I paired the Samsung to it and tapped in a song to check out the quality. It was actually pretty good. It was also a little too expensive at $419 Singapore dollars and if I am honest, a little too big to be portable – but I could have some fun with it.
It boasted a 30 metre bluetooth range so I thought I should give it a go. Selected a suitable song, in this case the classic Prodigy track ´Charly`(a trip into drum and bass version) and started to walk away.
Here`s the thing – in order to be sure the bluetooth was still connected, I would need to hear the song as I got further away. As the sound had further to travel, this could mean only one thing – more volume. I pumped it up.
Now for those of you that are not immediately familiar with the trip into drum and bass version of the Prodigy’s ´Charly`it is a little further down the page. One thing I did notice though – from the peripherals of a 30 metre range, I had a very good view of the sales attendants moving in on an increasingly loud audio system playing what might be considered inappropriate music for the normal clientele of downtown Singapore.
And this is where bluetooth comes into its own – before they could get close enough to identify which of their machines was pumping out such a gorgeous tune – I could turn it down, down so far it was silent and they had no idea where it was coming from.
You guessed already what happened next right? As they walked away I could turn it up again. I got four assaults in before they realised that if they stood next to the machines I would have to expose which one I was connected to in order to continue the dance. Imagine the fun you could have if you and say 5 of your friends went in to Currys and all connected to different devices?
I am now looking for 5 friends when I return to the UK in July.
It did remind me of a trick my grandma taught me as a kid. Did you ever play knock door run? Posh southerners call it knock down ginger, Richard Bolam used to call it ´Cherry Knocking
although I never understood why. Well my grandma told me I should get a bit of cotton and tie it around the door knocker and unravel the cotton and hide on the other side of the road. It bloody worked too - I ´borrowed a reel of black cotton from my mums sowing basket and headed to the top of Hinde Close and found a suitable victim with a door knocker on the row of houses opposite on Stonehills.
Very carefully tied the cotton to the knocker, walked backwards across the road unravelling the cotton and hid behind a small bush on the opposite side of the road. Pulling in the slack, I could then give it a gentle flick and rattle that knocker
Five times I had that man come to his door, even knocking it again seconds after he had just closed it. I only stopped because I could no longer contain my laughter – I never did tell my grandma how well her plan came off – she would have laughed, offered me a fag and a glass of Sherry no doubt.
Anyway – Drum and bass Charly as promised. Turn it up and get out of your seat.