Monthly Archives: May 2015

Another Montage of Heck !

It was billed as the definitive Cobain movie – do you think it lived up to the hype?

For me, yes.  I sat watching silently as his life unravelled before my eyes, from a cute blond hair blue-eyed kid to an unlikely superstar for the masses before his demise and death.

It didn’t answer the big question though – Why? – but I don’t think it wanted to, or could !

I have been trying to decide if taking your own life is a brave thing to do.  Undoubtedly it is selfish as hell but is it brave too?  It would certainly take guts to be stone cold sober, put a gun under your chin and pull the trigger being fully aware that there will be no more.  Make it a good shot and arguably there would be no pain either – would you even know it had happened?

Choose a slower method, like jumping off a bridge, and you would have a few seconds on the way down to contemplate your actions, most likely regret them.  All of the suicide survivors that have leapt from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco expressed immediate regret for their actions after leaving the bridge.

Cobain’s drug induced frenzy surely would have numbed his senses but he must have previously considered his actions and laid plans to execute them and himself.

Jeffrey Spector is in the news today about his recent trip to Dignitas in Switzerland to end his life as he saw fit, supported by his family – I can’t think that anyone would not consider this man brave for the decision he made.

Two people, worlds apart, take decisions that ultimately have equal results – the loss of their own life – yet as we look in, we only can empathise with one of them – the other is a confusing mystery that will never be fully understood.

When we have simply had enough – shouldn’t we be able to turn our own lights out ?

I saw an old chap earlier this week, sitting in his wheelchair at the beach.  He was old, with his carer, who I don’t doubt for one minute had not just helped get this dapper old chap dressed for the trip, but was wholly responsible for him being clothed at all.  As I observed the old guy twitching and shaking in his chair, seemingly unable to control his body movements and most likely his own destiny – the usual thought came to me – if my life ever amounts to something similar – please let me turn out the light, never let me get past the point where I can’t switch that switch.  When my body is used up and worn out – it has served its purpose, taken me on a trip,  made stories, friends, enemies and many memories – but when my time is up – let me go.

Cobain is still a dilemma for me.  See, some people just aren’t meant to get old, maybe that was him.  What if I am wrong though?  What kind of music would he be writing today, would him and Courtney Love still be together, how would Frances Bean be different, would the Foo Fighters even exist?  There are so many unanswered questions, not just the big WHY?


Phew – on a lighter note, I very nearly bit the dust tonight.  If it hadn’t been for the unusually attentive driving of one of the Majorcan locals and her ABS system, I would have been pulling Ford Focus windscreen from my forehead for the next couple of weeks.  It was so close, I could hear her gasp for air as I appeared from behind the line of parked cars diving the wrong way up a one way street.  I apologised and asked her is she was OK (all in my best Spanish of course) because clearly I had scared the shit out of her – but let me tell you – I think that was possibly the closest call of my life so far, even after years of riding fast motorbikes at ridiculous speeds – this one left me physically shaking.


Live Every day as if it were your last – it may well be !



Sarcasm – The lowest form of wit ??

I don’t think so – plagiarism, that’s it for me – so here’s a joke I plagiarised from my most avid follower Connor

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as English Weather.

Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as: ‘Muslim Weather’.

(Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi’ite).


There – it made me chuckle too.  Not as much as when I sneezed on my cock the other day.  I found that funny because I knew immediately after having done it – I would have to tell you all about it.

I was dropping the mother load at Mason’s apartment the other night when I got one of  those hay fever sneezes starting to load up in my sinuses.  I resisted and resisted up to the point that I realised resistance was indeed futile and then I let it go.  Unfortunately, in the process of letting it go, I rocked backwards on the toilet, fully exposing my tackle at the precise moment of spraying my sneeze everywhere.

This mornings half marathon had me all excited – aiming for a time of under two hours I headed out at 6am along the seafront here in Mallorca in a new pair of Asics after the last pair caused me some pain.  Getting close to the end of the run, maybe 100 metres from the finish, I pulled my phone out ready to stop the runkeeper only to see 1:59:50 on the screen.  Initially I was elated because I was so very close to breaking my 2 hour target, but then I realised I was another 30 seconds or so away from the finish line.  I crossed in 2:00:38 – just 38 seconds outside my half marathon target time – or so I thought.  I was annoyed with myself a little bit, there had been a few times on the run where my concentration had wandered and I had slowed – if I had just kept my concentration good, I would have been under the 2 hour milestone.

But then it hit me – I am actually running 21.86km instead of 21km with an average of 5:31 per km, take that extra 0.86km out and I reckon I am at 1:55:00 easily. So I was overjoyed – but it didn’t last!

See, the race that I am aiming for isn’t until September so I think I am going to have to change my target time as I am already achieving it so without further ado, I do declare a new target time for me to finish the Great North Run 2015 of 1:45:00 or less.

I have a plan.  A rocking playlist to help me along but at 1:45:00 Rihanna will come on – If I hear ‘shine bright like a diamond’ I will know I have failed.  Maybe you can all help me with a suggestion for some inspiring and upbeat tunes for the run so that I can start compiling the playlist??  Send your suggestions via the comments here or directly to me via email.

Prizes for the most inspiring tunes

Congratulations to Steve & Nic for their new house – I think Steve is allowed his own playroom now!

Steves playroom



Looks like I might finally get some time off by the end of the month – maybe even a brief visit to Portugal while I am at this end of Europe.

Big shout out to Mr & Mrs Cooper – Come on Down!

I think that’s it for now, watch this space for something exciting coming soon – I promise.


Turd photos more than welcome

Dancing with the Devil on your back

Well well well, a new Tory government.  I kinda expected that – I generally think that the people of the UK want to have a vote on their membership of the EU.  Now, the eurocrats are running scared.  Not because the UK might leave but if they do, others will want to follow suit when they see that the UK has survived.  I get to talk to people from other countries all around europe and they all tell me they are pissed off with giving money out to other countries and treating immigrants better than they treat their own people.  A revolution is in the wings – mark my words.

After spending a lot of time in Brussels over the last 5 years, you get to see how much EU money is in that city – there is a lot.  All from the pockets of people in all of the EU countries, paying for diplomats to live in their luxury houses with reserved parking, finishing work at 2 in the afternoon and generally doing fuck all. It’s big business, grabbing the eurocrats money – as fast as it is grabbed, it is claimed back on expense reports.

Enough about politics – this morning I got up at 05:15 to hit the pavement for a quick half marathon before the sun came up.  I managed a respectable 2 hours 4 minutes for what was almost a kilometre too far, so by my reckoning, I was actually under 2 hours for the correct distance.  My previous best was 2 hours 9 minutes so a good improvement.

I got passed the other day while walking by a squadron of German cyclists, in efficient formation, line astern, pedals perfectly in tune and of course matching lycra. Now that made me chuckle.

You may remember me mentioning in a previous post about an idea for a new photo gallery.  Well today, I am launching a photo gallery called ‘The Poo Files’.  The world is full of smart phones, so be sure next time you go for a dump to take your phone with you.  Just after you have squeezed one out, stand up, turn around and take a photo.  If that is a bit too hard-core for you, feel free to snap away at any old pile of shit you find lying around (that does not extend to unwanted husbands!).

Did I tell you about what happened the other night?  I was sitting on the toilet at Mason’s place here in Palma when I heard the clip clop of high heels on the floor above me.  There is one thing you need to know about these local latin birds – they love themselves.  They honestly believe that their own shit doesn’t stink, really – better still, most of them believe they are above shitting, the way they walk around all glam’d up with their noses in the air, they really love themselves.  Anyway, I heard the clip clop above me, then a short pause of silence.  I then heard what must have been one of the most almightiest unloads I have ever heard – even worse than you hear in motorway services just outside of Heathrow airport – it was a monster.  Of course, my natural reaction was to LOL.

It also reminded me that I needed to post two photos of what were, for me, quite monumental dumps.  One I am calling ‘foot long’ the other I refer to as ‘the submarine’ – see if you can tell which is which, but please give me a few minutes to add them on the photos page – and remember, if you do anything equally as interesting, be sure to send me a photo, listing your name, age, sex and general diet.


McLovin It



%d bloggers like this: