Monthly Archives: September 2012

A Proper Irish Quote

Rarely do I start off explaining the headline of a post but this made me chuckle.  I just read a story on the BBC about a small Irish town that had been struck by some vandals glueing doors on houses.  Now, what would you say about that to the local news journalist?

A geezer called John McGeever is quoted as saying (read this with an Irish accent)

“Some people went out of their homes and couldn’t get back in again.

“Then some people realised when they were in they couldn’t get out.

If that is not first class Irish stuff then I don´t know what is.  The kind of thing the script writers on ´Father Ted´ would have written for Dougal.  But don’t take my word for it, go and have a read for yourself.

So the bird has finally made it to the west coast – our next rendez-vous will be in Las Vegas on Thursday. We haven’t seen each other since 11th June and during that time I haven’t trimmed my pubes once so you can imagine what kind of bush I have got going on at the moment.

We are now back in Newport and standing for a month to get some work done and then heading south until we hit the Caribbean mon!  There was even a whisper of a trip to St Vincents & The Grenadines, somewhere new to tick off.




The Older I get

The faster I was !!

I have always thought that but now, now I have definite proof.

Way back in 1996, I got caught speeding in blighty.  Now, I am not talking about a flash from a Gatso, although I have had a few of those too,  I am talking a proper copper with a hand held unit, 107mph.  Proudly, the highest recorded speed in Thame Magistrates Court for that day.  A few years after that, I accidentally managed to overtake an unmarked Police car at around 102mph.  Sneaky those Norwich coppers – using unmarked Volvos back in 1999.

Then yesterday (wait for it Mother!) I got pulled over by a State Trooper who quite calmly told me ‘I got your speed at 92’. Of course, my first reaction was to blurt out   ‘ is that all ? – hardly worth pulling me up for that!’   but I decided to keep it quiet, american visa and all.

So here’s my theory.  I am loosing on average about 1mph per year so by the time DVLA decide to retire my driving license in 2039,  I will finally be driving under the speed limit, my estimate is a top speed then of 65mph which will be quite respectable me thinks.  That is of course if we are not all flying around on hover boards by then or the euro bureaucrats haven’t outlawed speeds above 15mph and made all car manufacturers fit seat spikes that stick you in the arse if you break the law.

Last night I pulled my last ‘tourist’ item from my New York list – A quick run around Central Park.  I say quick but I meant 7.5 miles of it, and that was just one lap. I was tired and getting pissed off with running into dead ends everywhere. Strange that in the land of the free, 25% of the Park remains fenced off.

Tomorrow we leave New York and head North a little bit, back to glorious Rhode Island

Record Breaking in New York City

I have to admit to beginning to actually like New York.  Ok, don’t shoot me but it is not bad.  There is a huge amount of different cultures all around you while you are out and about – I like that.  What does leave me a little perplexed though, and this is of course the same in all cities – people just don’t say hello in passing, rarely I get a smile but never  ‘good morning’.  So tomorrow while I walk up to the car rental on West 83rd street, I am going to say good morning to everyone I pass.  Of course, they will all shit themselves and think I am mental and about to stab them but that won’t be the case.

I have also decided that New York is an English version of the latin name ‘Flangemus Giganticus Fabrique’ or in plain English ‘ Giant Flange Factory’.  The amount of tidy units I see out and about just isn’t right.  I expect city dwelling chicks, much like their city pidgeon counterparts to be manky and deformed from all of the pollution – but here, it just aint so!

So I recommend a visit to New York if you haven’t already done so but I also recommend that you do it soon.  As soon as those nasty terrorists have a nuclear device, you can bet your bottom dollar that New York is gonna get it and be uninhabitable for the following century. It is everything that those religious nutters despise about western civilisation.

Now lets get onto the record breaking.  It has been a monumental weekend for me – mentally monumental in fact.  Saturday saw me score a new long distance record for running, a single run of 10.27 miles which was also a weekly total best AND a monthly total best and it’s not even the end of the month yet!

If that sounds inspirational, check out today’s effort.  I hit the mountain bike hard, riding a route in reverse due to a big hill that I wanted to try and crack my top speed record of 36mph.  I was hoping for 40mph but instead I was blessed with a top speed of 44.6mph – ON MY MOUNTAIN BIKE!!!!!!!!!  I have no doubt that as a child, I was a constant source of worry for my mother – she probably expected that to stop as I got older!

Steve Brown – beat that without hanging onto the side of Penelope Pitstops’ Car !!

The story doesn’t stop there though.  I rode away from the boat, across George Washington Bridge, back down the New Jersey side of the river, onto Staten Island and then got the ferry to Manhattan before racing some dude on his road racing bike for the 5 miles or so back to the boat ( I won of course – I think he bailed out a block too early, the pace was too hot for him) – total distance???

51.44 miles – and that is after running 10 miles yesterday – fit as a butchers dog I am.

Now it is time for me to sign off but not before I tell you about the photo I took yesterday morning while walking to the post office.  It was so fecking hilarious that I actually stopped and pulled my phone out to take a picture.  Take a look in the America 2012 section once more, it will be my last upload from New York – when you find it, leave a comment on it – I promise, you will know when you have found it


That’s all Folks







Ok, I admit – maybe I got it wrong.  The subway here is getting easier to use with every trip, in fact now I think I understand it – I take it all back, everything I said.

On a lighter note, I used my new found subway confidence to visit some other tourist hotspots that NYC has to offer.

30 Rock

Times Square

Walked the Brooklyn Bridge

Grand Central Station


and that floating museum on an old aircraft carrier on the Hudson that has a Space Shuttle, a Nuclear Sub from the Cold War (went inside that too) and pride of place for me anyway was The Concorde although it was closed to the public – magic !!

I also ventured out again last night on the subway to find a sweet little bar that sells belgian beer.  I like the beer but the price made me smart somewhat.  A bottle of Chimay Blue that costs 1.10 euro in Belgium  but it was 11 dollars in there.

Got some cool new shots with the cameras so again, take a look at the America 2012 section.

Oh and I got even lighter too – 93.8kgs  –  thats a modern day record taking the total loss now to almost 22kgs or a smidge over 3 1/2 stones. How fat were you I hear you cry – well, let me put it into perspective.  This time last year I had a 40” waist – today I am sitting in  34” pair of shorts!!! 6 inches off my waist in less than a year!


Anyway, enjoy the new arty photos but give me an hour to upload them – satellite internet can be very slow sometimes.



Red Snot

Americans huh – they have either got guns or Aids – some even have both!

I had a wander around the Big Apple today, or as I think it should be called – The Big Cluster Fuck! Maybe New Yoike as they say it here isn’t quite so bad, maybe its just more of the fact that I am not a fan of cities. The subway (that´s aparently not something you use for crossing a busy road) was very confusing – see, I am a great fan of the London Underground, where you choose the line by colour, walk down to the platform and there are two options, lets say Northbound and Southbound, and just to make it even simpler it gives you the final destination too so it is easy to know where you are going – here in Yoike, I am still at a loss.  I did manage to buy a week long pass though, for the very cheap sum of 29 dollars.  The subway has to be the only way to go though, the roads seem to be permanently gridlocked.

Hardly surprising though – when the names of the streets are stupid – West 59th Street East & Wall Street for gods sake ! Then there’s 79th Street and the Hudson River – No wonder Sully touched down on the water, I think he had lost his way a little.

I did make it to the Empire State Building today.  The lift went up so quickly my ears popped.  You have all seen those lift counters counting up the floors each floor at a time?  Well, this one was so quick it went in tens. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 !!  I had to take 2 more lifts to get up to the 109th floor – and I can tell you it was bloody windy up there!

I also managed a trip to ground zero where the World Trade Centre once stood.  We can all remember where we were and what we were doing when that news broke. The city streets are small around that area – it was easy to imagine just how horrific that time must have been.

The new towers are going up now, I think they are calling them Freedom Towers, looking all nice and shiny too.  Don’t suppose it will be too long before someone takes a pop at them too.

Tomorrow I might head to Liberty Island or up to the war ship along the river – they have a submarine there too.  Machines of War ! Times square is on the list too, as is Madison Square Garden.  Of course, I will do Central Park but we are moving up the river on Tuesday and will be 3 blocks away so I intend to run and cycle the park – dodging bullets, bandits and baddies.

New running shoes today too, my Saucony Triumph 9’s are seriously munted after less than 200 miles so after a decade of Saucony – I have switched brands.  I also had two new wheels for the mountain bike courtesy of Specialized.  After a problem with the rear hub that they couldn’t replace, they agreed to the shop buying me two other wheels and fitting them – so I now have SRAM rims front and rear.  Had a quick 26 mile burn on it yesterday and it felt good.  It was beginning to feel a bit harder to pedal – at the time I thought it was me just getting worn out but no,  bent axle and extra bearing friction were the cause.

My route was a little curious.  I wanted to cross the George Washington bridge, and I did manage it too but not without cycling through one of those areas where I did think I would get shot while dodging the pats of human shit left behind by the crack heads. I was pleasantly surprised when I got out of there and back along the river – life is just one great big adventure!

I have added a few more photos – strangely enough, in the photo album called ‘America 2012’ feel free to take a look but give me an hour or so to upload them first.

The English are Waking Up – Samantha Lee is 45 years old !!!

New orders are in – this time next week we could be moored up a couple of blocks away from Central Park in New Yoike.  That´s a first for me, New Yoike !

I was also curious to read about a lone gun man in Canada trying to shoot a couple of dudes and shouting that the English are waking up.  I am sure we will find out in the coming weeks exactly what he was talking about, the daft cheese eating french bell end !

The other week, I remembered it was my sisters birthday.  What made me chuckle so much was that she is 45 years old ! ha ha ha – I laughed so much as she is officially an old timer but then I remembered that this would also mean my next birthday would mean I am 43.  If I am being honest, I thought I was going to be 42 this year so it did kind of take all of the fun out of my chuckles – one saving grace of course is that my bird is still in her 30´s

Now, lets talk about guns once more – I also read this week about a man out near Melton Mowbray (that´s where the pork pies come from PC Westwood!) who disturbed not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 – yes four burglars at his property.  he promptly let rip with his legally owned shot gun catching 2 of them. He then phoned the rozzers and told them what had happened.  He and his wife were arrested, the two perps were caught at the hozzy and the other two also caught later.

Now here´s the thing – and I make this prediction now as I know somewhere, in the land of blighty there is a judge that will rule in favour of the perps.  The man with the gun will do some bird whereas the thieving wankers that broke in to his place will walk free.  To add insult to injury, the perps will then claim human rights infringements and sue the home owner for all he is worth and some ‘dumb as shit’ judge will make this ruling in favour of those thieving scum bags – remember that Tony Martin case from years back? 6 years he did, for shooting some thieving pikey scum in the back as they robbed his house.

Now, please don´t blame the rozzers for these blatant lack of common sense predictions, the thin blue line is there to uphold the law, not interpret it but I am sure there are more than a handful of them that would agree that those scum bags got what they deserved or in fact got of lightly for their efforts.

A little bit of common sense please m´lud

So where are we now?  My new running shoes are heavily worn.  They have covered less than 200 miles which is a little worrying, I will head to a place in Rhode Island when we get back there – a running store called ´Rhode Runner` how very clever!

I also received my Y2 exam study books this week.  Y2 is a serious licence let me tell you – but if you don´t believe me, here is a previous question or two for you to ponder.

A pump delivers 65 cubic metres of sea water to a height of 28m in 6 minutes. Calculate each of the following………

A – the output power of the pump in kW

B – the input power of the pump if the efficiency is 0.65

(note – the density of seawater is 1025kg per cubic metre)

If you can figure that one out, then have a go on this one

A bulkhead is 7m high and flooded to a height of 6.1m with sea water on 1 side only. Calculate each of the following….

A – The hydrostatic pressure at the base of the bulkhead

B- The hydrostatic force on a circular access door 740mm in diameter having its centre situated 5.9m down from the top of the bulkhead

While you are scratching your heads over those – take a photo and send it to me for inclusion into my new photo project.  If you can´t wait that long to see new photos – I have just added some shots of us ´Racing`in Newport the other week – I use the term ´racing`very lightly. Look under the heading of America 2012

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