Monthly Archives: January 2015

Bold as Brass

Stupid is as Stupid does……..I think that was Forest Gump?  Well, he must have been talking about the locals in Belgium as far as I can see.  I hit the forest this afternoon for my usual 27k romp, expecting to set a good time for all the slipping and sliding I was doing in the mud, when suddenly, as if by magic, the shopkeeper appeared.  Well actually no he didn’t but there was one section of track, maybe a quarter of a mile long, a footpath worn in the forest floor that had been blocked by the local forest boys that had been out there chopping down trees.  In that quarter-mile section, they had chopped 6 trees down, each one of them laying perfectly across the track I was trying to cycle on.

I don’t get it.  How much of a twat do you have to be to do that 6 times and not notice the well-worn track that you are dropping these trees on ?  I like the forest but man is it claggy at the moment – all of my running and biking times are suffering.


I did give an old lady a right rum treat today.  For those of you that haven’t been here to the house in Belgium, one of the stair cases is visible from the road purely because of a ‘strategic’ window in one of the interior walls.  I have often bounded up and down the stair section in question, aware that people might see me in the nuddy but have never really been too bothered about it – it would need a very specific set of circumstances to get the timing right.  So brazen am I about it that I even do it at night, dark outside, light on inside – you know what I mean.

Well today I came happily trotting or maybe even cantering down that flight, completely in the nud, my bell end slapping half way down my shin and then onto my chin as I bounced happily from step to step.  I then noticed a pair of feet on the footpath outside.  With every step down I saw more of her, with every step down she saw more of me. She had definitely had a full frontal of my swinging wanger before she started to look away – better still, she had stared just long enough to see it without me catching her looking – as her head came into view, it was already moving downward, averting her vision but more importantly, avoiding eye contact.

I had to have a little chuckle to myself

That was at about 3pm this afternoon – since then, there has been a steady stream of old ladies walking past the house


More Halo action tonight with Mr. B – making the most of the empty house while the bird is away.  Do I rock or what? 20 years ago, me in an empty house of an evening would have resulted in 16 Russian Circus Lesbians spending the night eating chocolate from each others bodies while the strippers tried to see how many of them could get on my face at one time without actually suffocating me.


Rock On !!

An interim measure

Just found this and it made me chuckle – would like to share with you all while I am searching for something more inspiring.



Where the f**k have I been ?

Do you really care?  The important thing is that I am back now.  A long stint in the Americas saw my interest in life itself dwindling beyond belief as the country sucked my will to live right out of me.  However, since the 9th December, I have been safely tucked up in the eurozone and slowly re-charging my life batteries to a point now that I feel it is safe to write again.  I was also slightly reminded that I hadn’t written for a while by Word Press themselves when they sent me an email telling me about the stats for the year.  Now that I have a world audience, I can plan my attack for world domination but until such time, let me bring you up to speed.

Yesterday, I went for a run in the forest up the road – you may have heard me talk about this many times before but for me, it is a giant adventure playground.  In the winter, all the leaves are gone and yesterday the ground was covered in snow so visibility in the forest was spectacular.  Add to that the fact that I was running in a high viz jacket and you might begin to understand my dilema of needing a dump at about 2/3 distance – no way of making it home, no bushes to hide behind, quite a few people around and me wearing a bright fecking yellow jacket – but I had no choice, no chance of making it home so I chose a tree and let it all go.

I also had a ride at Cannock Chase just before Christmas with Rue.  Steve couldn’t make it so it looked like we had a chance of putting a good time in.  I even made a video of one of the better downhill sections but it turned out shit so I didn’t add it to the archives.

My iPhone 4s shat the bed late in November and left me with a dilema all of its own.  The back up phone I had, a standard iPhone 4 was sold to me by the shop as an unlocked phone but it turned out it was locked so that was of little use.  The choice was stark and simple, the 4s was now no longer supported by Apple so it was time to go iPhone 5 or iPhone 6.  If you know about these phones, the problem was, the charger socket and SIM card size, both the 5 and the 6 sport lightening sockets and nano sims so a full change was on the cards whichever way I went.  Thinking that if I took the latest phone, it would be a while before that phone became redundant like the outgoing 4s had now become.  I bought the smaller of the two units BUT it is still too big.  Clumsy to hold, doesn’t fit in my running bum bag as easily and a bastard to navigate with just one hand.  Steve Jobs was 100% spot on when he said that nobody wants a phone that they can’t hold and operate with just one hand. I remember fondly the time when Apple products were wanted because they were leading edge, not because they had a big screen.

The new mountain bike is slowly being bedded in – one trip in the forest and another around Cannock Chase means that I am slowly getting used to it.  Running is slowing down a bit though, all due to the hilly terrain I am using instead of the monotony of flat Florida.  I also managed to run my best Parkrun ever !!!!  Leamington Spa on Saturday 13th December, I chopped a massive 57 seconds off my previous personal best, giving me  22:19 – not only that but I also had my best position finish, 45th out of 241 runners, 7th in my age group (that’ll be the Veterans by the way), not one female finished in front of me and I also increased my age grading to 63.55% so a productive outing after all – it will be a tough one to beat but there is more time in there – next target is under 22:00

I have a confirmed place for the Great North Run 10k and also entered the draw for the Great North Run Half Marathon the following weekend, that should be confirmed within a week so the North of England could be graced with my handsome charms in the summer – I may even venture across to the lake district for the week in between with my mountain bike, or attempt a cross country hike across Hadrians wall or a long run along Offa’s Dyke.  Scotland also wouldn’t be too far away at that point either.

Now, for those of you that didn’t receive my Happy New Year message, firstly let me wish it to you now but also explain what went wrong with the iPhone 6.  I wrote my text message and added the 32 recipients I wanted to send it to.  I pushed send and 7 of you got it, 25 of you didn’t.  I couldn’t get it to send the next day either, completely locked up, so I send my appologies.  I think for next year, I will also revert to sending Christmas cards again.  I had two this year that found me, one from Connor and one from Ralph.  It did kind of make me smile so if at some point between now and christmas, I ask for your address, please don’t panic, this is why.  I did stop sending cards years ago because I thought it was a huge waste of paper but now, I have changed my mind.

That will do for now, it’s almost time for a trott in the forest. I am wondering though – where the hell is Verity McCoy ?

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