Monthly Archives: March 2006

things that make you go ´Hmmm?´

 
on my list tonight……..
 
men in three quarter length trousers – it is just wrong!
golf – what is all that about?
cricket – see above
women in general
people that use mobile phones while driving
stunningly gorgeous women that smoke – eugh !!!
dog owners who dont pick up after their dogs
rude people
people that walk on the cycle path then shout at me as i zip past their shoulders as fast as i can
eating a hamburger with a knife and fork !
 
 
 

Ebay sales experiment – The goose rides again!!!

wow, i am in awe.  35 people have already looked at my wonderful tool on ebay, and one very generous person has also managed to bid me 1 penny for this french masterpiece.
 
two wonderful questions have been asked and answered, these can be viewed at the bottom of the sale page on ebay, click on the link below or cut and paste the listing number into your ebay front page
 
 
  8051647916
 
 
keep warm

Hitting the nail on the head!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 CLASSIC VERSION: 
 

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his 
house 
and laying up supplies for the winter. 
 
The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the 
 
summer away. 
 
Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. 
 
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in 
the 
cold. 
 
THE END. 
 
 
THE BRITISH VERSION: 
 
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his 
 
house and laying up supplies for the winter. 
 
The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays 
the summer away. 
 
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. 
 
So far, so good, eh? 
 
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know 
why 
the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less 
fortunate, like him, are cold and starving. 
 
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering 
grasshopper, 
with 
cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home in Hampstead 
with a 
table laden with food. 
 
The British are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor 
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. 
 
The Liberal Party, the Respect Party, the Transvestites With Starving 
Babies Party, the Single Lesbian One Eyed Mothers Party and the 
Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant’s house. 
 
The BBC, interrupting a Rastafarian cultural festival special from 
Grimsby 
with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome." 
 
Ken Livingstone laments in an interview with Panorama that the ant has 
got 
rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax 
hike 
on 
the ant to make him pay his "fair share". 
 
In response, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and 
Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of 
the 
summer. 
 
The ant’s taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to 
hire 
grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay the fine and his 
newly 
imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by Camden Council. 
 
The ant moves to France, and starts a successful AgriBiz company 
[funded by the EU] (although within weeks, his business is threatened 
with Compulsory purchase by the state unless he marries a French ant). 
 
 
The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of 
the ant’s food, though Spring is still months away, while the 
government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old 
house, crumbles around him because he hasn’t bothered to maintain it. 
Inadequate government funding is blamed, Diane Abbot is appointed to 
head a commission of enquiry that will cost GBP10,000,000. 
 
The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Guardian blames 
it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of 
despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house is taken 
over by a Gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for 
enriching Britain’s multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a 
marijuana growing operation and terrorize the community. 
 
 
THE END
 
i would like to thank my sister for forwarding this message to me – it touched my heart deeply. i also wish it would rip out the hearts of those liberal do gooders and bleeding hearts back in the nanny state of great britain(??).

Ebay sales experiment – The Goose rides again

ok – i always said ebay was an amazing tool – i hope to prove this now by selling an amazing pice of shite  for stupid money.
 
the listing is hyperlinked below so feel free to take a look and heavens forbid, make a silly bid but remember, all bids are binding.
 
 
or you can search the listing number form the ebay home page
 
 8051647916
 
make sure you read the entire listing before bidding.
 
i will keep you informed of my sucess
 

so what did you do?

 
on friday, i worked on a big boat, a very big boat — 45 metres actually. now to give you an idea, this thing is huge, on board gym, jacuzzi, pianno room (including piano), walk in wardrobes. It has two tender rooms, these are where the tenders are hydraulically winched from the sea and stored inside the boat while it is at sea.
 
the lazarette or ´garage´to you commoners was actually bigger than my apartment! Now also imagine this, the average cost to build a yacht is around 1million squid PER METRE – and this had 45 of those.
 
now imagine, me perched 20 metres up in the crows nest almost, with an 8mm drill in hand, drilling holes in the roof!!!! I added some photos from my great vantage point for you to look at, the boat was called Aviva.
 
My job was to fix some safety points high up so that when the crew are up there, they have something to clip onto to stop them falling off! so what was i using to clip onto i hear you ask? absolutely sod all!  It was also blowing a 30mph wind all day. During the really heavy gusts i actually hid behind one of the uprights incase i got blown off (chance would be a fine thing!!!)
 
Saturday was gorgeous, managed to work for most of it though. I did head to porto pi on saturday evening to do my shopping. Normally i hit this place on a saturday morning and it is a full on babe fest – this time, it was 7pm and it was an absolute, jam packed, totty turn out!  i was in heaven! what a place this is – crumpet left right and centre – i nearly died!
 
Sunday was my first day off after 7 days solid.  I loaded the boards and hit Peguera but no joy, flatter than a witches tit. Took the boards back home and grabbed a book, put my suncream on and went to portals beach. When i got there, the place was almost empty, perfect.  Within two hours it was absolutely rammed solid with totty and also more silicone than at a plastic surgeon convention. I sat for a couple of hours reading my book befor ei got bored and headed off home. I kept reading the book all day until i finished it, what a great book too, it will appear shortly in my book review.
 
On sunday night, i went to meet my new flatmates in the city. The new place is huge, much bigger than my old apartment and in a very cool part of the city, maybe ten or fifteen minutes walk from work too.  From there, i will be able to run the seafront each night, and yes, i will buy a pair of rollerblades soon and see if i can´t break a few bones along the way.
 
Nursed a bit of sunburn on sunday night and am still working out how that happened but i take comfort in the fact that i saw tons of people today with red faces. I had to laugh at my new flatmate – he had clearly had his sunglasses on all day, his face was bright red – apart from the white outline of where his glasses had been all day – almost panda like.
 
cycled to work this morning and thoroughly enjoyed it. the sunshine sheilas are now out in force – roll on summer!!

Where is……….

 
 
Max ?

Therapy Sessions

not quite what you were thinking, is my bet.
 
having worked like a dog all week i was completely knackered tonight and prepared to leave work early at 5pm. not sure if i should run when i got home or not, i was hungry and very tired. mike mentioned that there was swell forecast for the weekend and maybe there would be some around tonight.
 
I drove home and decided when i got there to lob the longboard on the roof and head to peguera, but not before having a poo.
 
when i got there it was small and mushy, two guys in the water and seaweed soup – almost like swimming in jellyfish.
 
the water didnt feel too cold, but then again it has been very warm today but i doubt the water has actually warmed up any.
 
i flapped around like a twat for maybe three quarters of an hour without catching anything to talk about, then decided to call it a day and head in.
 
now this is wierd. although the session was crap, i actually felt quite good in myself. Yes, i started thinking about what the waves would be doing back in portugal but i wont be there for a while yet. Infact, when i am in portugal, if the waves had been as lame there as they were tonight here, i wouldnt have even gone in, but i did.
 
i think i need seawater as a form of carbohydrate – it seems to give me more enegry. it woke me up and made me feel all warm inside. it also made me realise just how much i am missing portugal.
 
I got changed and started to leave peguera, this time, my music of choice and inspiration, Nelly Furtado, a most gorgeous portuguese beauty!, the tune, Try, followed by Força. the dusk light was beginning to settle as i hit the motorway and looked out to sea and across the colours of the villages and sky. Dusk always seems like a warm cosy blanket falling over the country, especially on a summers evening. Neon signs, street lamps, car lights – all seem to merge as one with the reds, blues, greys and whites in the sky, a most magical time.
 
so life is still good.
 
Last night i spoke with Ms beckenbauer who is looking after my house in portugal. She tells me all is well, she loves the location and the wildlife and even tells me there are small snakes in the garden – how freaky. The cats are well, seems everyone falls in love with Mellie, the big stupid cat. Lots of rain too. I bet my garden will be full of blossom on the fruit trees by now, what a sight to see.
 
enough for now, could be working all weekend so might not get back again until monday night – feel free to leave me a message – big hello to Rue for his last message – top dollar!!!
 

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