Monthly Archives: August 2006

help, i am alive and well and living in tourist hell

the place is full now so i try not to go out for the whole of august.

i scored a couple of sunset sessions at tonel this week. one was spoiled a little by the shouting from the beach bar. i never understand why these dumb ass kids have to shout ‘whooo hoooo’ all the time.

i was out on the water and could hear the noises. i shrunk a little bit hoping that they werent english, the germans were also thinking , mein gott, i hope zey are not germans, the french were thinking sacre bleu, i ope dey are not french, the italians were thinking where is my next bowl of pasta and the spanish were thinking, that sounds like fun, shall we go?

yep, you guessed it, a whole bloody tribe of spanish spunkers, dancing on the tables and generally being a bunch of ass wipes! there are tons of them here this year, more than i ever remember and all of them have the same middle name – arrogant!

but there is one exception, a guy called gonbzalo, he busted his car good and proper and came into the garage but man, what a nice dude, polite and all, he changed my opinion of your average spanish spunker straight away.

so we have a bank holiday weekend here now, no more work until wednesday. mason hits portugal on thursday so might actually make some headway with the house repairs.

i finally removed the little wall and soil that the drunk fool next door had put down on my garden while trying to claim the land as his own. i threw the bricks all over his garden and dumped the soil onto his gravel path. i went to the police yesterday to report it. when i told the plod about the neighbour being a mad belgian, the policeman described him perfectly to me, seems everyone knows the old fool, for all the wrong reasons. i am guessing that he wont stay around much longer.

I have now rented the annex of the house too. a friend, justin, is using it to make surfboards. i figure that i wont have the money to restore it until later next year so i might as well rent it to him in the mean time, its all good.

maybe will have to make a project too to make the changes to the building, will have a chat with a builder soon, could put the plans in while i am away and see what happens.

so my plans for tomorrow are to check out the surf early and then potter around the house, maybe put up the security lights i bought last month and clean out the place a little bit – does my life rock or what?

and just in case my 88 year old granma has suddenly become computer literate and is reading my page, still no news on the woman front – sorry !

special hello’s to max, as always, Verity for always being stunning, alex for being a complete fag, chips for being so in love with his tart that he has forgotten about ALL of his chums and georgia lee because i totally forgot about her birthday again, and if i forgot hers, it also means i forgot her dads too.

i bet i remember my sisters though

let me be the first to say

thanks to rick, i now have a washing line that i had been hunting for – a whopping 80 bucks but for a fifty metre line, i guess that is ok? so panic over i can start washing my clothes again and get rid of that horrible smell that keeps followiing me around!

mason the cock will be here next week so hopefully we will finally get some surf, havent had a surf for two weeks now, been working my ass off for so long. south coast swell predicted for later this week so maybe a dawnie at mareta on thursday morning, keep watching.

i would also like to send my deepest sympathies to alex (faggotpants) clifton who has seriously succumbed to the corporate slag lifestyle that i once had and that he helped to steer me away from, it is strange how our tables turn.

yesterday, we sold soapys landrover on ebay. the guy flew down from holland with cash to collect it. after the deal was done, he told us that the car was going to a museum in amsterdam , a special exhibit of old fire engines, as robs landy started off as a fire engine for the austrian fire brigade, he was keenly interested. for sure we could have sold it for a lot more if we had known the status of this guy – but i guess thats just life.

as i followed rob across the algarve yeasterday i got to thinking, something that i do far too much of.

it is funny how we remember milestones in our life from the sad things that happen. we seem to remember when certain eras finish – let me give you some examples.

years ago when i was around 17, there was a radio presenter on radio one called roger scott. he used to do an afternoon show just on saturdays. listening to his show was the only reason why i was happy to work on saturday afternoons. abruptly, his show ended. only after a couple of weeks did the bbc admit thata he was terminally ill with cancer, the guy had just wanted to keep presenting.

remember the programme cheers? we all watched for years , and then it finished! later programmes like cold feet all had a similar effect, when they finish, we close another chapter in our own little book.

when we leave a job we like, another chapter closes. when kurt cobain blew his stoned little head off, i wondered what would be next ? what would influence me in the same way.

when our friends die, we close bigger chapters in our life, these of course take a little longer for us to leaf over onto the next page.

so, soapy leaving for germany will close another chapter in my life. he has been a prominent character for the last couple of years and of course he will be missed, even to the point that i will miss skinning my knuckles on that old land rover of his.

but as i followed him, i could only remember the chapters closing in my life and i began to wonder why, the human brain being such a wonderful tool can only focus on the downside of life as we navigate our own path. i would like to have a typical wayne answer for this but simply, i dont! i know for sure though that for the rest of my life, i will be bookmarking on my time line with the sadder side of life. why cant we navigate and remember with just the good things? why is it that the sad things in life help to keep us motivated, why do they insist that we push on with our own journeys? when do we get all of the answers that we spent our lives pursuing? when – if ever, will i understand women ?

so you can tell, the absence of salt water in my head has allowed my brain to function normally for a while. i hope to correct that imbalance over the coming days. whenever i feel disheartened i suddenly realise that i havent been to the beach for ages, when i get there , it is almost like life itself has been restarted.

i am not sure what i am blabbering about today but i am sure there will be some careful thoughts as you read. i am only thankful that i have the ability to stimulate your  minds. i am lucky i guess to have found relative peace of mind for myself, for this i would like to thank sincerely

ryan, kirsty, grahame and debbie for showing me another way although at the time, they would have had little idea what was happening.

has it really been a week since i last wrote?

ok, i will try to remember it all, but no tin any specific order.

i went to lisbon at the weekend. not a big city fan most of you will know but i had been gagging to try out the legendary trains here in portugal. i treated myself to a first class ticket to lisbon, some 300kms each way. the cost, return was a measly 44 euros, thats about 25 of your johnny english pounds! i was a little hungry so i ordered from the buffet ( or to be truthful, the waitress came and took my order) so at 120kph i was eating a very good beef stroganof followed by fresh fruit all washed down with a half bottle of portugals finest vinho tinto, all for an amazing 11 bucks!!!!

eventually, the train hit top speed of 220kph (approx 130mph) and i arrived in lisboa after a pleasant two and a half hour trip. OK, i admit, i was a little pissed from the wine, but it was a good trip.!!

I was also treated to a bill from the local council for the portuguese equivalent of council tax. for the year, just 47 euros – yes that wasnt a mis print!!! so i actually smiled at receiving a bill.

i stopped at the local council today too, to check on the land borders. sadly they didnt have maps so i am going to the police next to report the theft of my land before reclaiming it with a spade and a wheel barrow. then i got to thinking, maybe luis the neighbour had done exactly the same, as there was no maps, he thought he would get away with it. OK i admit, the whole issue has pissed me off a lot! the drunken old fool, while i was away in mallorca, stole my land. that, is a very sneaky thing to do, certainly not the level of integrity i would expect from an old military man. when he comes back, i will tell him that i have a gun and a spade and am not afraid to use them.

soon i will have a little more time to work on the house. of course, i am way behind schedule but on the bright side, my bank balance is above schedule (if that is a correct thing to say)

the car is still going strong. have a few new suspension parts to fit, hopefully, this weekend but apart from that, all is well. I might even try to fix the air con too!

ok, the sad news – i havent been in the water fro two weeks now, so this weekend i am going to get up early and take both boards to the beach. hopefully i will avoid the whoardes of tourists which are a real pain in the ass.

i have managed to survive the first month without going shopping. i am trading my time as a maintenance man at the bubble lounge in exchange for beer and food tokens. the system works well and they always seem to have problems that i can fix.

i am desperate for a washing line though, you know the whirly sort? the triangular or square ones with loads of space on them. cant find one anywhere here, tried ebay but the stupid woman wouldnt post it to me in portugal – there are some real dumb asses on ebay.

seems the local trendy surfers have a new outfit for the summer. to help them look cool, they are wearing shorts and t shirts the same colour red as the life guards……some people really do need to get a life.

i have some guests coming out soon too, Mason, the gay cock from mallorca will be here in a week or two and then Junior has promised to come out in october – finally!!!!!!! like it only took her two years!

b een into some real good books too, will update my reviews next time i am on but until then, you ar ejust gonna have to wait.

lastly – Hi to max, always good to hear from you

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