Monthly Archives: March 2017

Tinder Ladies

Don’t confuse that headline with ‘Dinner Ladies’ they are two very different beasts.  Now, I am sure that there are some very nice ladies using the Tinder dating app, very nice.  There also seem to be a bunch of dick heads or, I guess to call them the female equivalent ‘ muff heads’.

It’s a mine field full of shaggers, liars, wasters, losers, drop outs, bounders and cads but sometimes ladies, you have to help yourself a little.  I happened across this young lady earlier, and I have to say, she is not selling herself very well.

 

She went on to waffle a bit but being honest with you, I got bored and clicked that little red X button on the left hand side – or to give it its corrected name – I swiped Left !  This is one of the more blatant abuses but there are plenty of others.  Many Tinder ladies claim to not be looking for ‘hook ups’ or ‘ONS’  (that’s ‘one night stands’ to you and me) but have posted photos of them half naked, some even more naked , photos, or others of them seductively laying in bed.  Call me old fashioned but that is only going to attract the bounders and cads surely.

What really makes me laugh is the amount of contortion a woman is prepared to undertake to get that perfect selfie.  I have never seen women physically twist out of shape so much – it is absurd.  Better still when they are taking the photo in the mirror of a bathroom in the establishment they are in, with a line of crappers in full view behind them – classy ladies!

Then there’s the trout pout – this I really don’t get.  I don’t find it attractive and every man I have spoken to agrees with me, so why do it ? You look stupid !

 

Enough about bitches and Ho’s – lets talk about me for a moment.  Two things, a right knee repair and an O/S repair.  The first being an old injury from mountain running last year finally fixed.  A little trip to the private ward yesterday and a few hours later, i was out of the door, initially on crutches by glad to say by last night, the crutches were no longer needed.  Some keyhole surgery and all is good I think

More photos when the dressing comes off in 6 days

 

The second part of my story is about my beautiful Range Rover.  Many of my followers and friends will know about the love I have for this motor car.

Sadly and stupidly, I managed to scrape it along a telegraph pole while parking in Newbold upon Avon a couple of nights ago.  Initially it looked bad but I managed to polish off most of the marks to leave two dents, one on the rear door and one on the rear arch.  Lucky for me I have a Dave Singh in my arsenal.  I dropped the car there on Monday and he will do a jolly fine job of it for me

 

Not pretty, and I felt like a real arse.

 

I did take some comfort in the fact that I massively excelled at mother’s day this year.  Primarily because I was here for the first time in many years but also because I pride myself in looking for alternatives to the usual chocolate and flowers. Previous years saw a 4 pack of Heinz Baked Beans.  Yes, I bemoaned the unprepared in Sainsburys while I was there having lunch, with their limp, late offerings of flowers – because I had gone off the scale this year.  A couple of bird houses to be fixed in the bushes at the bottom of mum’s garden and a pack of giant outdoor chalks so that she can draw on the patio while bird watching – I thought it was an awesome set of presents.  The girl who sold the chalks to me looked a bit confused when I said they were for my mum.

 

 

But what really made it special was the card I happened to find – it seemed very apt!

 

 

 

So now the Rangie is in the repair shop, I decided to try to sell it again.  Now I am after a 500hp supercharged V8 so that next time I hit that telegraph pole, I can knock the fucker clean out the ground.

If you know anyone looking for a very well cared for RRS – look no further

A very Beautiful Car

 

Anyway, I am back off to Tinder to look for more silly women but let me leave you with a very clever thought that I have just found under a Pot Noodle lid (it’s not a faffy food)

 

If at first you don’t succeed – Sky Diving is not for you

 

 

Planning a beer on 21st April – watch this space

 

 

 


Fake News

Fake News

Lets get political ! OK, Olivia Newton-John sang about getting physical but the lyrics still fit the tune, try it !!

Fake news is a new watchword, all over the media. I can’t decide if it is deliberately fake news or just people embellishing stories, misreporting facts, not researching correctly of just trying to be seen as the first to publish something fashionably ahead of all the others. The latter being the reason they haven´t researched the subject properly.

Now, Donald J Trump uses the words fake news an awful lot and I want to analyse that a little. See, I think Trump is being quite clever about this. The media are well known for hashing up shit, misreporting or to be more accurate with that – selectively reporting what happens in the world

By selective reporting I mean that they leave relevant information out so that the facts they present, distort the truth to the point that they completely change the story.

Remember that TV advert for the Guardian Newspaper from a few years ago? Several different camera angles as a skin head ran towards a city slicker with his briefcase?

Guardian Ad

That is exactly what I mean, the skin head was saving the city slicker from a falling pallet of bricks but a different camera angle would have you believe he was trying to snatch his bag. Ironically, that advert itself was misrepresented too, with the final cinematic cut not being the same sequence as the other angle presented.

But move on to Trump. This is where I think he is being very clever and ultimately very brave. He is using a media stream to communicate with 20 million followers. In that stream, he can give exactly the information he wants you to see, that only he can edit, no media slant, misrepresentation, no so-called experts opinions, just his own voice.

There is also a down side to that. He can write whatever he likes, admittedly he will have some self censorship but ultimately if he wanted to tweet ‘Hilary is a Lazy old cow’ he could. So for his own gain, he could also deliberately mislead 20 million followers with no-one able to call him to task on it before it hits the outside world.

I am still curious about Trump. In a year of big political upsets, where the establishment is being challenged, it brings a little bit of hope. I am tired of weak and woolly politicians speaking without actually saying anything meaningful. Many of them too scared to say what they really think or what their electorate want them to bring into the public forum. Nigel Farage was not like that – he generally said what he thought and also what many of the voters were thinking too. Not afraid to say what he thought might just need saying.  I am so curious about the enigma that is Mr. Trump that I opened a twitter account purely to follow him – show me another politician that has grabbed my interest so much that I did similar!

Now, a few of you might think that I have gone a little mental right? Donald Trump, Nigel Farage but let me throw a few more names at you – Marine Le Pen, Geert Wilders and a name soon to vanish into the political archives Angela Merkel

Merkel is about to pay the ultimate political price for not listening to the concerns of her voters, a trip to the political wilderness is all hers – she will get hammered in this years elections.

Geert Wilders is even more interesting. All the opinion poles are suggesting that he will get support but not enough to form a government – opinion poles, remember how wrong they have been in recent history? I think old Geert just might surprise a few people.

Marine Le Pen – not this time is my prediction, but next time yes. France is not ready just yet but her time will come. François Hollande will be walking off to the wilderness hand in hand with Merkel

Wow, you might think, what on earth has rattled my cage today?

 

The Bloody BBC !!!

 

I hate this. I have for many years been proud of the BBC – an establishment that can be trusted, to report fairly and fully. Respected around the globe for its neutral stance on delivering accurate information – but it’s been on a slide.

Being out of the UK a lot, my first choice for news is the BBC. I see spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, factual mistakes in their news now. There used to be a time where they had a website to report these errors. Send them a note with a link to the page and they would deal with it. Not any more. I can only assume they got tired with the amount of corrections that they shut down the site to tell them about errors rather than address the real issue.

You have seen it too right? A reporter is looking at Facebook or some other web site and using that as their single point of research on a story. They claim a ‘social media outcry’ on a topic and post 3 examples. In a country of around 60 million people – 3 comments from internet warriors is hardly a social media outcry in my book.

You may have noticed too that the BBC also use google maps to add photos to their stories. Lets say Alfred Hitchcock was shot dead in Wankalot Street, Greater Manchester. Do they investigate further or just type wankalot street into google maps and screen grab a picture of that street? It is assumed that Google has listed the map & street correctly then published all over the BBC.

Lets not forget inaccurate reporting too. Ever read a story where they say something like ‘more than 12 cars were damaged’. What – you can only count to 12????? Investigate, give us facts because 1000 cars is more than 12 and 1000 suggests more of an incident than 13 doesn’t it?

The BBC is under threat of extinction and it would be a real shame and completely irreversible if it were lost just momentarily. If nothing is done to stop the nonsense it is starting to spout its demise is just around the corner.

I just read an article on Scottish Independence. I see Nicola Sturgeon is now wanting another independence referendum. I say give it to them and we can bury her political career next to Alex Salmond. The article in question is linked below. I just don’t know why these people hate the English with such a passion but let them get on with it – I am sure the Scots have more sense than Sturgeon credits them with.

The article headlines with ‘Scottish Independence support at highest ever level’.  Later into the story it writes this paragraph.

 

Asked to choose between independence, devolution and not having any kind of Scottish Parliament at all, 46% of the 1237 people surveyed between July & December of last year now back independence.

 

I have two issues with this. Such a small sample of people to make, what is, a huge statement from is wrong, but pollsters, you can’t tell them anything right?

More importantly, I seem to remember the last Independence vote Scotland took ended 45% Independent to 55% stay in the Union. So why such a dramatic headline for Independence support when in fact only a 1% increase has happened and that 1% was from less than 1300 people in a country where 4.5 million voted last time .

By the time that headline has been regurgitated a dozen times on social media it will be 70% in favour of independence – and you wonder where fake news comes from ?

Don’t blame Zuckerberg and Facebook, blame the cannon fodder that blindly hit the share and like buttons.  Don’t take my word for it though, research it yourself here

 

BBC Report

 

Phew – rant over. Holiday time is just a few days away. I will be back in Europe from 22nd March until 24th April and there are some key people I really would like to see.

 

Sister, Parents & Uncle at the top of the list of course, then there are others – Connor, it’s about time I took you for a coffee after all of your avid reading. Faggot pants Clifton might also get a visit while I am in Cornwall visiting Maria Moore. There is also the real possibilities of Portugal, I hear the very lush yank from Salt Lake City is back in town, Zenia-June and of course Mallorca to meet with Jones the Prick who is about to become a father for the first time. If I am in Mallorca, I have to meet with Belahendro and Bomber too – the list is endless but does also include John and Mon or the future in -laws if I can just get Lynsey to say yes !

 

Flying on the 21st, back on the ground and on my UK number from 06:30 on 22nd – send me some love


Aftermath

You remember John Connor?  The man destined to save the world from the rise of the machines? His major purpose in life was to survive Judgement Day and lead the fight against the machines after the Nuclear Holocaust.

I saw him again last night – a little older, a little fatter.  Last time I saw him was in Terminator 2 – Judgement Day.  This guy has a bad habit of working on nuke films where the bombs are dropped – at the moment is survival ratio is 50/50.  Last night, he died, stabbed in the throat by a fat, beardie twat red neck – but in Judgement Day he survived to become a hero – of sorts.

That was the thing about the Terminator – it was way way ahead of its time.  If you don’t believe me, order a pizza, rent all of the movies and sit for a day and watch the lot – back to back.  the original was, I think way back in ’84 ( I can’t be arsed to divert off and check that out but it sounds about right), T2 was a good 10 years in the following, maybe more ( I really can’t be arsed to check that stat out either – but trust me).  Then the others followed but the story is riveting.  Think back to the 80’s.  back in the day, to use a phrase that gets overused by bell ends, back in the day it was a cinematic master piece – much like Donnie Darko in 2001.

It made a storyline that really has come true and will become more relevant as time passes.  Machines that take control of the planet – becoming self aware, realising that the humans who created them are their enemy and should be ‘terminated’.

Do you remember watching The Inbetweeners?  anyone that has suffered the indignity of puberty could relate to just how well that was written.  It’s on a par.

 

There – I don’t know where I was going with that, but that is enough!

 

All said and done, last nights 99p movie rental from the iTunes Store was worth every penny – in fact it was worth a damn site more.  Aftermath – look it up and rent it – I thought it was bloody brilliant !!  I like the iTunes Store for that – sometimes you get complete shite – other times, a blinding gem.  It’s a no loose situation really, it’s only 99p.

Even that film ‘Rubber’ – that was complete bollocks but at 99p – bollocks is no problem right?

 

Now, lets welcome a recent site visitor from Canada.  I don’t know much about them, they didn’t leave a message but maybe they will come back and say Hi sometime soon.  Oh Canada !

 

Moving on to the important stuff – HOLIDAYS !!!

Yes mofo’s, Holidays are coming…..!!!!!  21st March and I hot foot it off the boat.  As I have worked like a mad man for the last 3 months, they have agreed to extend my time off for another week – with no penalty for me – Hurrah for Karma !  After that, two months in Singapore before heading down to Bali for a month or so – Yes Bali….!  I will be taking my dive gear and getting paid while I am there……..S-weet.

It’s about now I would like to sign off and dream about driving the Rangie around some of Warwickshire’s finest country lanes

 

 

Laters


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