Don’t confuse that headline with ‘Dinner Ladies’ they are two very different beasts. Now, I am sure that there are some very nice ladies using the Tinder dating app, very nice. There also seem to be a bunch of dick heads or, I guess to call them the female equivalent ‘ muff heads’.
It’s a mine field full of shaggers, liars, wasters, losers, drop outs, bounders and cads but sometimes ladies, you have to help yourself a little. I happened across this young lady earlier, and I have to say, she is not selling herself very well.
She went on to waffle a bit but being honest with you, I got bored and clicked that little red X button on the left hand side – or to give it its corrected name – I swiped Left ! This is one of the more blatant abuses but there are plenty of others. Many Tinder ladies claim to not be looking for ‘hook ups’ or ‘ONS’ (that’s ‘one night stands’ to you and me) but have posted photos of them half naked, some even more naked , photos, or others of them seductively laying in bed. Call me old fashioned but that is only going to attract the bounders and cads surely.
What really makes me laugh is the amount of contortion a woman is prepared to undertake to get that perfect selfie. I have never seen women physically twist out of shape so much – it is absurd. Better still when they are taking the photo in the mirror of a bathroom in the establishment they are in, with a line of crappers in full view behind them – classy ladies!
Then there’s the trout pout – this I really don’t get. I don’t find it attractive and every man I have spoken to agrees with me, so why do it ? You look stupid !
Enough about bitches and Ho’s – lets talk about me for a moment. Two things, a right knee repair and an O/S repair. The first being an old injury from mountain running last year finally fixed. A little trip to the private ward yesterday and a few hours later, i was out of the door, initially on crutches by glad to say by last night, the crutches were no longer needed. Some keyhole surgery and all is good I think
More photos when the dressing comes off in 6 days
The second part of my story is about my beautiful Range Rover. Many of my followers and friends will know about the love I have for this motor car.
Sadly and stupidly, I managed to scrape it along a telegraph pole while parking in Newbold upon Avon a couple of nights ago. Initially it looked bad but I managed to polish off most of the marks to leave two dents, one on the rear door and one on the rear arch. Lucky for me I have a Dave Singh in my arsenal. I dropped the car there on Monday and he will do a jolly fine job of it for me
Not pretty, and I felt like a real arse.
I did take some comfort in the fact that I massively excelled at mother’s day this year. Primarily because I was here for the first time in many years but also because I pride myself in looking for alternatives to the usual chocolate and flowers. Previous years saw a 4 pack of Heinz Baked Beans. Yes, I bemoaned the unprepared in Sainsburys while I was there having lunch, with their limp, late offerings of flowers – because I had gone off the scale this year. A couple of bird houses to be fixed in the bushes at the bottom of mum’s garden and a pack of giant outdoor chalks so that she can draw on the patio while bird watching – I thought it was an awesome set of presents. The girl who sold the chalks to me looked a bit confused when I said they were for my mum.
But what really made it special was the card I happened to find – it seemed very apt!
So now the Rangie is in the repair shop, I decided to try to sell it again. Now I am after a 500hp supercharged V8 so that next time I hit that telegraph pole, I can knock the fucker clean out the ground.
If you know anyone looking for a very well cared for RRS – look no further
Anyway, I am back off to Tinder to look for more silly women but let me leave you with a very clever thought that I have just found under a Pot Noodle lid (it’s not a faffy food)
If at first you don’t succeed – Sky Diving is not for you
Planning a beer on 21st April – watch this space