Monthly Archives: April 2014

Beardy Twats

Happily cycling along the coast road the other week between Monaco and Italy when I got overtaken by a group of 4 riders on road bikes.  Before you start munching off saying how I have been overtaken, remember, those road bikes are significantly more efficient than a dual suspension mountain bike on knobbly tyres and active suspension.  Never the less, I managed to pass these ‘cyclists’ on 3 occasions.  Sure, they might have been a little faster than me, but they kept stopping for a chat so I would pass them again.  No stamina these youngsters – but they did have fooking great big beards and were fully clad in road race lycra.  I doubt any of them were over 25 years old and they had beards thicker than the hair on my head – the beardy, lycra clad twats !

I did quit my job the other week so I have been off for a week now.  Heading to the States on Monday 5th May, and from there, sailing down to Rio de Janeiro for the world cup.  Once I get there, I swap out with the other engineer and get another month off.  The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice I said ‘sailing down to Rio’ – I am hugely pleased to announce that I am getting back on a sailing boat and plan never to return to a motor boat ever in my life again.  In fact, if you see me taking a job on a motor boat in the future, feel free to bend me over and give me a jolly good and rigorous fisting.

Today something really weird happened.  I was out yogging (that’s how posh people say Jogging!) in the forest.  The forest has really come to life since the last time I was here at the end of March.  The trees are full of leaves, the shrubbery is covering the forest floor again, it’s a real ‘thicket’ of activity.  I entered the forest, yogging at my normal pace, noticing the greenery on the trees and the pine and twigs on the ground. I had my music on but not too loud so I could still hear the background noises, the birds tweeting, twigs snapping under foot, rapists breathing heavily from the bushes, when a song came on.  Have you ever seen the film ‘Apocalypse Now?’.  I had just entered the forest when the Doors started singing ‘The End’.  It was a surreal moment that put me on full gook alert, checking trees for snipers, under bushes for tunnels, behind fallen trees for rows of punji sticks that might catch me out and leave me to bleed to death.  Not to worry, I had a full clip and only two clicks to yomp.

Staying with music for a moment, I had my phone playing music randomly the other day.  Well, I thought it was random, but it soon became apparent that it was scrolling through alphabetically by artist.  I can now officially confirm that I have 7 slightly different versions of Sonique’s ‘It feels so good’ in my iTunes library.  Not a bad running track as a single play item – after the 7th, I was ready to hang myself from a tree.

The Rangie has just cost me 500€ to have an oil leak fixed.  Here’s the thing, the seal itself was just 7€ but by the time the gearbox oil was drained, filters and gaskets replaced, it was a tad more expensive.  I never have liked parting with cash, especially when it is something I have the ability to fix for myself, albeit lacking the equipment to do so – but when I got seated and fired her up, I knew with was a love affair that won’t be ended easily – and certainly not over a 500€ garage bill.  In stark comparison, I just went to the local store for some milk and 2 bottles of Chimay Blue.  3ltrs of milk and 2 Chimays, a tad over 7€ – now that is something I can live with.  Beer, the same price as milk – no wait, let me re-phrase, top quality beer the same price as milk!

My new job awaits, a 46m sloop called ‘Pink Gin’.  I am looking forward to getting on board and getting stuck in.  We did a deal that gives me a minimum of 8 months work a year, the rest of the time is all mine.

And that’s about all I wish to share with you right now – I did negotiate christmas off this year so expect me to be around – annoying the crap out of you all.


Charlie Doesn’t Surf !!!!!




This week, I have mostly been eating ‘Potatoes’

On top of that, I am proud to announce that I also cycled to Italy this morning. Under normal circumstances, that would sound like an amazing feat but considering I am just west of Monaco, its not so brave.

Being just West of Monaco puts me in France, and when I say just west, I mean by less than 10 metres!  I am learning pro’s and cons about being down here in Cap D’Ail.  A very definite pro is while running along the tiny cliff path, all the other runners say hello as they are passing – I like this, in fact I like it a lot.  It kind of makes the pain more bearable.  The down side is that I got mugged by a french lady this morning.  Was it a mugging or more of a rape?  Anywhere that charges 3.50€ for a small coffee is taking the piss in my book – and to really rub salt into the wounds – it tasted like one week old camel piss too !

Monaco is currently under construction for the F1.  While we were there, I amused myself by walking around the circuit every day.  Now we have moved, I don’t miss the people there.  It’s all very anal and trendy – far from my natural scene.  People pretending that they are minted as they ponce around the local cafés and bars.  Minted is the guy two boats down.  He arrived yesterday with his two Bentleys (one a convertible).  Had his crew clear all the shopping bags from them and then park them both for him – now that is seriously minted.

I decided to jump ship again – now looking at a couple of new adventures, one as far away as Hong Kong.  There are few people I meet that I could repeatedly punch in the throat – but the Captain here is one of those.  I will be back in Brussels by Monday 21st.  I have a nice little number lined up already for the summer season but will also be keeping an eye on the full time roles.

My sister is now officially a Grandma – oh how that makes me laugh.  The new addition is called Noah.  I can imagine Noah’s Grandad being quite chuffed at the biblical implications. ‘Who built the Ark – Noah, Noah – Who built the Ark – Brother Noah built the Ark’.

On  lighter note – I have awarded my girlfriend two ‘good girlfriend’ points today – for what?  For being a good girlfriend of course!


I want to know why men are not allowed to take part in the Race for Life, and also how Cancer Research can they get away with that.  If it were a men only event, there would be one eyed skinhead lesbians coming out of the woodwork everywhere to complain about equality.





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