Monthly Archives: October 2007

i just watched an awesome film

 
it´s called SEVERANCE and was made by brits, the best movie makers of all time.
 
if you have ever suffered the indignity of one of those corporate team building outings, complete with the usual corporate cock suckers, you have to watch this.

of course i am stupid!

 
but did you really need to ask?
 
i can´t find a reasonable priced flight anywhere for less than 300€. now thats gonna sting a little. So it looks like i might not escape the island afterall but i will definately escape palma.
 
have been having some very chilled out evenings this week. for those of you that havent read recently, i am staying on the boat. this gives me many distinct advantages.
 
1. i get up at 8 am and dont even have to walk to work
2. i walk only 20 metres for breakfast
3. i dont have to go food shopping ever, the cupboards are always stocked
4. PG tips pyramid bags………enough said !!!!!
5. i don´t have to pay rent which saves me upward of 400€ a month and i am a real tight ass
6. the chef cooks dinner every day, and she is good too
7. when i finish work, i only have to walk 20 metres to the shower
8. i have no need whatsoever to venture into palma itself
9. we leave in less than two weeks
 
so as you might understand, i am feeling well chuffed with myself.
 
also added into the fray, i get to go to tenerife without spending a penny, where i will remain for around 10 days before heading back to palma to get my car and head home to portugal. on top of that, mid december i have to fly (did i make that sound like a real chore ?) to the caribbean for christmas and new year before returning on a slow boat back to spain. This i have to do because i enjoy it and i get paid well too. sometimes life can be one big ass bonus.
 
 
 
authors footnote. just for those avid footnote readers, i would like to say that the free BMW competition is still alive, remember , a free beemer for the 20,000th reader. we are now close to the 18,000 mark so i expect it will go sometime around christmas or maybe new year so be sure to keep coming back. i would also like to wish my mum happy 68th birthday for today. i know she is an avid reader but at her age , i doubt she will be able to read this small text. if i get a clip around the ear next time i see her, i will know there is nothing wrong with her eyesight. lastly, i would like to raise a big cheer for blemy. a regular reader and a DD coefficient woman. life is great
 
 

the great escape

 
for now, i am completely palmer-ised. i need to get out for the weekend. basic plan is head for portugal but if you have any suggestions for somewhere i havent been (germany would be a good idea, never been there) please tell me.
 
I have one small problem though. friday is my scheduled watch night and although i have covered everyone elses on at least two occasions, i have yet to find a volunteer to return the favour
 
my head is ready to explode…….maybe thats just something that happens when you turn 38?
 
your ideas please

please explain why

 
despite numerous warnings when i was a kid, why have i never met anyone that has had their arm broken by a swan??

moving on

 
It never fails to amuse me, the public apetite for real life dramas.
 
since monday morning, 200 of you have delved into the november archives to see what has been happening in my life. Of course, these last three days have also offered quite an insight into my personal life and i am sure that at very least it offered very curious and confusing reading.
 
I dont expect that i will have much to write about over the next two weeks. life is going to get very busy before we head off to Tenerife and complete our final preparations for the ARC. Some light excitement today though, as we were moving from one port to another, some local marineiros came cruising out in their ribs to tell us that there was a tornado warning and its arrival was imminent. We of course thought they were being over cautious after the flash storm that caught everyone off guard just over a week ago.
 
we hurried to get the boat securely moored before the winds came but didnt get finished in time to avoid the rain. Soaked to the bone and with the boat secure we headed to the roach bar for coffee when out to sea a twister appeared. thankfully it wasnt heading directly for us but it did hit the island and cause some chaos close by, with roads closed due to more uprooted trees and flash floods from the rain.
 
It seems that every night this week we have had thunder storms and lots of rain.
 
In complete contrast, i had a call from a friend today that used to own my local bar here in mallorca. he was in my home town in portugal basking in glorious sunshine, sniffing around for a good local break. lucky beggar
 
I have also had contact from england. seems the faggot has finally got his arse into gear and will approach davey the ding man about a new custom build 10´2´´ for me. it´s about time too. That old 9´2´´ aint gona last much longer.
 
nothing else to write at the moment and i wont be leaving the boat until the weekend and of course will be looking for somewhere to watch the rugby.
 

Jess

 
it is done, i kept my side of the bargain, now please keep yours. thank your ´friends´for their kind words!
 
I am sorry for the way things turned out and for adding your mail to my page, i feel i did what i had to do to end yesterdays situation

Palma de Mallorca

 
OK, inspired to write at last!
 
yesterday, the local government here in mallorca declared the island a disaster zone after the storms of last week. in true mallorcan style, it only took them just over a week to do this, you have to admire their speed!
 
Although, i do admire them for finally cleaning the dog shit off the streets. during the last six months, the penalty for allowing your dog to foul has doubled. now , everywhere i look, i see people with plastic bags cleaning up their pet poop. a good result!
 
Now, that leaves another problem that i hope they will tackle next. DRUGS! Yesterday while driving out of esporles with mason, i had my window open and got a wiff of what can only have been some serious skunk weed. As we were following a slow moving local, i guessed it had come from his car. when we over took them, just as i thought, passing a huge bunger between them. Tell me, how strong must that have been for me to smell it from the car behind ?
 
But it gets better. last night, i watched england play. By the 65th minute, my four pints of guiness wanted out so i shuffled off to the toilet. The urinal has been out of order for some time so i put my finger into the hole in the door where the handle used to be and opened it. Strangely enough, the lock was broken too and what did i find inside? two men trying to cram a whole bucket of coke up their nose. Think about it for a moment. their habit takes them to an area i would normally go for shitting and pissing yet their past time sees them happily frequenting these places. even worse, two men in a toilet cubicle! there once was a time when this was the reserve for closet homosexuals. what really gets me though is their lack of imagination for something to do of an evening. All they seem to be able to muster up is ´lets get wankered´.
 
I spoke to a friend on saturday morning. he told me he spent 200 euros on friday night. i asked him how this could be possible in one night……………….DRUGS!
 
What a fucking waste.
 
It´s hard to imagine how so many drugs can get onto an island but then it was only a couple of years ago that the police chief was convicted of being on the drug dealers payrol so maybe thats why the authorities seem lacking in their abilities and willingness to do anything. as long as i can sit outside a pub and watch a gypsy selling coke from her childs pushchair while the child is in it – i cannot see an end to it.
 
Good to watch England last night though, always new they would beat the french, and my prediction for tonights match is a win for argentina, leaving them in the final with england, which of course england will win.
 
My voice is a little hoarse after all of the shouting but i am sure it will make a full recovery before next saturday.
 
 
 
 
authors footnote – learn to love these footnotes, they are always pearls of wisdom and today is no different…………there are three stages of life. childhood, adulthood and old age. childhood is when you look at the old age group and are scared of what they might do. adulthood is when you look at the old aged and think ´it´s my turn next, i am getting old´. Old age is when you look at the childhood group and are scared of what they might do! Enjoy your adulthood, its the only time you wont be preoccupied with what other people might do.
 
 

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