Tag Archives: speeding ticket

If I ran the country

The first thing I would do is ban the mobile network three.co.uk

These ever so decent chaps have just hiked the cost of international calling by more than double. Naturally I had to call them.  My suggestion was simple – as they had changed the cost of my contract mid term, the should release me from it without penalty.

Pretty straight forward I thought but the guy on the other end of the phone was having none of it. He gave me two options.  I could leave without penalty but couldn’t take my number with me, you know, that number I have had for more than 10 years? Or, I could pay the early termination penalty and keep my number.

I desperately explained how unfair that was as they had changed my tariff mid contract but he stood his ground.  Eventually I lost my cool and called him a bully.  That made him scuttle off to talk to someone else.

On his return he was somewhat apologetic.  He was just beginning to realise how much my calls had gone up.  He explained that there was nothing they could do as it was a company policy but as a gesture of goodwill (apparently I am a good customer) the offered a £30 credit on my bill. I took it, naturally.

Then this month I wanted to check to see if the credit had been applied to the bill.  In this modern, environmentally leaning society that we live in, I have paperless billing and instead use their app to see my bills.  Of course, their app wasn’t working.  I contacted them and after 20 minutes and 3 different operators, I hung up.  Some stroppy bitch on the other end of the phone really did get my goat.  They tried calling me back but I blocked their number.



Seriously – what a hike.


Other things I would change revolve around motoring.  See last week I got a speeding ticket.  1st one of this millennium I might add but nonetheless it is still a ticket.  What happened?  Heading north on the M1 in South Yorkshire, 4 lanes of motorway at probably 20% capacity, one lane completely free, lane 3 very light, lanes 1 and 2 not even moderately occupied.

The little matrix at the side of the road said 60mph, so like most people, I dropped my speed and prepared to see a reason ahead as to why we needed to slow a little.  After a short while of seeing nothing out of the ordinary I hit ‘resume’ on the cruise control. I carried on for a while when suddenly I saw the double flash on a car in front of me – oh shit I thought, then it flashed again, this time on me.

My crime – 69mph when the gantry said 60mph.  No workforce in the road, no obstructions in the road, clear sunny weather (heat wave actually) and nothing between me and the end of the 60 zone that warranted a reduction in speed. I got my ticket 2 days ago.

It got me thinking a little bit.  See to me, it was completely unneccessary to reduce the speed, there was no reason to.  Then I thought – I could drive past a school at kicking out time at 30mph and not get flashed by a camera – that would be more risky in my book.

Then of course there are the phone users – wedged to their ear as they negotiate roundabouts and corners or the people that have a beer or two and drive.

So I would change a few things.

Motorways – 80mph in the dry – 60mph in the rain – works for the French and it is very easy to cross France in a car.  At 85mph (65mph) in the wet – you get your points and a fine.

Schools at kicking out time – 20mph max for half a mile either side of the school gates – no tolerance here, 21mph gets you a ticket.

Caught on a phone? 6 points and £500 fine – no exceptions. Come on, a bluetooth kit is as little as £15!!

Alcohol when driving – ZERO.  I say this based on my own beautiful experience.  See I am one of those cheap dates that can actually get a little shit faced from one bottle of beer.


Dodgy number plates and front windows with illegal tints – prohibition on car at roadside, cannot be driven away with said defects.

Uninsured drivers – cars confiscated. Instead of crushing them, they are sold at public auction, the proceeds of which are returned to the police to assist with funding.  In fact this should be extended to all items that can be sold if they have been purchased with the proceeds of crime

Mobile speed detection vans (don’t give me that safety partnership bullshit) – could only work at sites where either there had been an accident in the last couple of years OR residents had requested its presence. Any fines to go to the local council who use the funds directly to improve the accident black spots to make them safer. And no more camera vans at the bottom of steep hills unless one or both of the criteria above are met. See, I have a real issue when they say safety camera team.  The issue is that they are nearly always positioned in spots that provide them with the best results.


After all of that, I also had a killer thought.


If the money, time and effort that local authorities have invested in camera vans, smart motorways with gantry cameras, average speed cameras, road humps, chicanes etc etc had been spent on combating knife crime – they would probably save more lives pound for pound.

But that’s just me trash talking because I just got a speeding ticket.

Anything else in the news?






For other things, there’s Mastercard!

Can’t help but notice that finally, Word Press have forced their changes upon us – their ‘improved’ blogging experience will certainly add nothing for me but no doubt share my data with their paying clients.  And of course, being a grumpy old git, I will struggle to find everything now that it has all been changed around for no benefit to me.

Modern life can be suck a ball ache.

That said, the other day I had to chuckle – I got a speeding ticket.  Sure, my checkered past of high speeds in the UK is well documented but this one really was priceless.

I had to drive the boss’s car back from Nice airport – alone….!

A very nippy Mini Cooper Works, convertible. Naturally I gave it a bit of welly but I had forgotten a couple of things.  Normally in a UK plated car, speeding tickets don’t get issued.  Sadly this time, I was in a German registered car and Germany agrees to share vehicle details with the rest of the EU – unlike the UK.

So, at the boss’s HQ in Germany, they received the notice and forwarded it on to me.  It was all quite civil if I am honest – 126 in a 110 and a 45€ fine, payable on line in just a few seconds. Easy.

It was almost an enjoyable experience.

Oh the joys of Christmas



The Older I get

The faster I was !!

I have always thought that but now, now I have definite proof.

Way back in 1996, I got caught speeding in blighty.  Now, I am not talking about a flash from a Gatso, although I have had a few of those too,  I am talking a proper copper with a hand held unit, 107mph.  Proudly, the highest recorded speed in Thame Magistrates Court for that day.  A few years after that, I accidentally managed to overtake an unmarked Police car at around 102mph.  Sneaky those Norwich coppers – using unmarked Volvos back in 1999.

Then yesterday (wait for it Mother!) I got pulled over by a State Trooper who quite calmly told me ‘I got your speed at 92’. Of course, my first reaction was to blurt out   ‘ is that all ? – hardly worth pulling me up for that!’   but I decided to keep it quiet, american visa and all.

So here’s my theory.  I am loosing on average about 1mph per year so by the time DVLA decide to retire my driving license in 2039,  I will finally be driving under the speed limit, my estimate is a top speed then of 65mph which will be quite respectable me thinks.  That is of course if we are not all flying around on hover boards by then or the euro bureaucrats haven’t outlawed speeds above 15mph and made all car manufacturers fit seat spikes that stick you in the arse if you break the law.

Last night I pulled my last ‘tourist’ item from my New York list – A quick run around Central Park.  I say quick but I meant 7.5 miles of it, and that was just one lap. I was tired and getting pissed off with running into dead ends everywhere. Strange that in the land of the free, 25% of the Park remains fenced off.

Tomorrow we leave New York and head North a little bit, back to glorious Rhode Island

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