Tag Archives: german

Spending Quality Time with the Family

I have been away for a while, for that I apologise.  Nothing spectacular has happened to bring me back to my blog, I just thought I should swing by and say hello.  A bit more of a photo story today – that’s good for those of you that don’t like to read.

I stopped by the coffee shop the other week with Jean-Claude, our chef.  We were waiting for the supermarket to open and had time for a coffee when I saw the family at the table opposite fully engaged with each other.  I like the idea of family holidays, it’s a time when you can all get together from your busy schedules and spend time with each other and just catch up – you know what I mean?  A good old chin wag and a joke, pulling faces and making laughter as you chat and interact endlessly until the sunset ???

A good old fashioned chin wag

A good old fashioned chin wag

Alternatively – find a café with free wifi and behave just like you are at home in Germany while you text your friends telling them what a wild time you are having in Mallorca.


I have mentioned Jean-Claude before, the magical chef with more than his fair share of Parkinson’s.  Here he is, a sharp old boy who just can’t control the movement of his body as he would like.  To the unknowing onlooker, you might just think he was pissed at 8 o’clock in the morning.



But this old boy is one sharp cookie.  We were recently talking in the crew mess, JC with a glass of red in one hand, a knob of cheese in the other (yup – stereotypical french man, probably had garlic in his pockets too) when he said something in french to me that I roughly translated as,

When I die, I want to come back as a shower in an all girls school

In my mind, I was questioning if I got the translation right.  Let’s be fair, it’s not in your every day phrase book unless perhaps you are on the Monty Python payroll.  As quickly as the questioning look appeared on my face, a little wry smile appeared on JC’s – it seemed I had nailed the translation perfectly !  I laughed immediately and then had to translate for Matt the deck hand as he had no idea why we were both laughing so hard.

Moving on – I have been treating myself to an hour on the beach at the weekends.  There are some benefits of my job, small perks that one must really take advantage of in order to maximise your time away from home.  I found a quiet secluded spot, with not too much going on, took a book and a bottle of water and relaxed for an hour.

IMG_0307 IMG_0322


Something of a distraction so early on a Saturday morning !

But talking of treats – there is a place here in Palma called ‘Cappuchinos’.  This place sells what is by far the best carrot cake I have ever eaten so as a small treat this weekend, I also headed there.




Then I took the next photo.  Later that night I noticed the timings on the photos were just 3 minutes apart




The treats have been fast and furious this week mainly because due to an injury, I have had to completely refrain from any exercise.  A little bit of knee pain last week after a quick 10k run up the hill seemed to have a lasting effect.  I went to the hospital to see the doctor, they took a few X-rays and told me I needed to rest for a while to let the damage to my joints recover.  It is amazing in Mallorca, the health care is really good and the X-Rays show great detail.




All said and done, I am in good shape and will live to fight another day.  When I have something of interest to share, you will be the first to know – until then




Float like a butterfly

Sting like a bee

His hands can’t hit

What his eyes can’t see
















Isn’t it Ironic

Could this be just coincidence?  I just watched an article about the re-printing of Adolf Hitlers ‘Mein Kampf’ in Germany, when at the end of the article, the reporter appears, bearing more than just a small resemblance to Hitler himself.  Thing I am kidding?  follow the link to the BBC website.

Mein Kampf


There, got that out of the way – all he was missing was a small moustache and it could have been a rebirth.  The germans recently made a film about that actually, not so much a rebirth but an awakening from a cryo-sleep.  Called ‘Look who’s back’. Should be one to add to your must watch list along with another spectacular called ‘God Bless America’.

Thats it for now – I have nothing to rant nor rave about save for the fact we are about to get a good blow here – and sadly that isn’t a reference to an oral session !

A week in blighty is closing in – the saga of the Range Rover Sport and the local Guy Salmon Land Rover Dealer will soon be exposed – or if they do the right thing, it will be amicably resolved – just like my recent experience with an ebay seller called ‘Jayissurfing’.  Sent me a T shirt with crooked print and when I got in touch with him, he appeared mortified and immediately sent me two more free of charge.  Good Lad!

Now all I need to hear is that the Land Rover dealers sub contractors did indeed fuck up my steering geometry and damage all four tyres and they will put it right.

For other things, there’s Mastercard!

Can’t help but notice that finally, Word Press have forced their changes upon us – their ‘improved’ blogging experience will certainly add nothing for me but no doubt share my data with their paying clients.  And of course, being a grumpy old git, I will struggle to find everything now that it has all been changed around for no benefit to me.

Modern life can be suck a ball ache.

That said, the other day I had to chuckle – I got a speeding ticket.  Sure, my checkered past of high speeds in the UK is well documented but this one really was priceless.

I had to drive the boss’s car back from Nice airport – alone….!

A very nippy Mini Cooper Works, convertible. Naturally I gave it a bit of welly but I had forgotten a couple of things.  Normally in a UK plated car, speeding tickets don’t get issued.  Sadly this time, I was in a German registered car and Germany agrees to share vehicle details with the rest of the EU – unlike the UK.

So, at the boss’s HQ in Germany, they received the notice and forwarded it on to me.  It was all quite civil if I am honest – 126 in a 110 and a 45€ fine, payable on line in just a few seconds. Easy.

It was almost an enjoyable experience.

Oh the joys of Christmas




Ironic really, I am currently sitting at a place where everyone else’s holiday is just finishing, yet mine is just beginning.

Ibiza Airport – full of skanky ho’s that have been pumped full of tunes, drugs and spunk for the last two weeks – they just can’t get enough!!

I really did want to talk about that magical German efficiency that we are all well aware of.  My boss is German, the two Stewardesses onboard are German, the furniture people who arrived at the house in Ibiza are German ( all 4 of them) – it’s a full German team

Now you would expect exemplary efficiency from such a team but what I witnessed was one of natures biggest abnormalities, like flying fish or the San Andreas Fault.

So many Germans, with so many efficient plans, got so confused as to which plan was the most efficient and failed miserably to make a plan that took them forwards at all.  It was painful yet somewhat beautiful to witness and an even greater pleasure to step forward and tell them how to resolve it!  An Englishman promoting the G.S.D. Attitude to the Germans (Getting Shit Done)

Staying with stereotypes of Nationalities and still at Ibiza Airport, this is something I really need to share.  Burger King is something of a treat for me – regular readers will be aware of this.  So, to start my holiday, I hit the Burger King.  A Double Whopper with Cheese and Bacon XXL Burger.  It came as a meal so I got fries and a choice of drinks.  I am not much for the sugary soft drinks that come with it so I asked if I could have a coffee as part of the meal deal instead.  The girl behind the counter shook her head ‘No’, a brief moment of curiosity flashed in front of me.  She had said no to my request but not given me the ‘you’re fucked now’ Spanish shrug that I have become accustomed to after years of living and working in Spain.  She then listed all of the drinks I could have.

The last word out of her mouth was ‘Beer’!  I had to double-check – ‘So I can’t have coffee but I can have a Beer as part of my Meal Deal’?  Yes was her answer.

Now over the years, the Spanish logic has confused and infuriated me, yet on this occasion it actually made me smile.  I had beer with my burger and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Holiday Time

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