Sarcasm – The lowest form of wit ??

I don’t think so – plagiarism, that’s it for me – so here’s a joke I plagiarised from my most avid follower Connor

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as English Weather.

Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as: ‘Muslim Weather’.

(Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi’ite).

 

There – it made me chuckle too.  Not as much as when I sneezed on my cock the other day.  I found that funny because I knew immediately after having done it – I would have to tell you all about it.

I was dropping the mother load at Mason’s apartment the other night when I got one of  those hay fever sneezes starting to load up in my sinuses.  I resisted and resisted up to the point that I realised resistance was indeed futile and then I let it go.  Unfortunately, in the process of letting it go, I rocked backwards on the toilet, fully exposing my tackle at the precise moment of spraying my sneeze everywhere.

This mornings half marathon had me all excited – aiming for a time of under two hours I headed out at 6am along the seafront here in Mallorca in a new pair of Asics after the last pair caused me some pain.  Getting close to the end of the run, maybe 100 metres from the finish, I pulled my phone out ready to stop the runkeeper only to see 1:59:50 on the screen.  Initially I was elated because I was so very close to breaking my 2 hour target, but then I realised I was another 30 seconds or so away from the finish line.  I crossed in 2:00:38 – just 38 seconds outside my half marathon target time – or so I thought.  I was annoyed with myself a little bit, there had been a few times on the run where my concentration had wandered and I had slowed – if I had just kept my concentration good, I would have been under the 2 hour milestone.

But then it hit me – I am actually running 21.86km instead of 21km with an average of 5:31 per km, take that extra 0.86km out and I reckon I am at 1:55:00 easily. So I was overjoyed – but it didn’t last!

See, the race that I am aiming for isn’t until September so I think I am going to have to change my target time as I am already achieving it so without further ado, I do declare a new target time for me to finish the Great North Run 2015 of 1:45:00 or less.

I have a plan.  A rocking playlist to help me along but at 1:45:00 Rihanna will come on – If I hear ‘shine bright like a diamond’ I will know I have failed.  Maybe you can all help me with a suggestion for some inspiring and upbeat tunes for the run so that I can start compiling the playlist??  Send your suggestions via the comments here or directly to me via email.

Prizes for the most inspiring tunes

Congratulations to Steve & Nic for their new house – I think Steve is allowed his own playroom now!

Steves playroom

 

 

Looks like I might finally get some time off by the end of the month – maybe even a brief visit to Portugal while I am at this end of Europe.

Big shout out to Mr & Mrs Cooper – Come on Down!

I think that’s it for now, watch this space for something exciting coming soon – I promise.

 

Turd photos more than welcome


3 responses to “Sarcasm – The lowest form of wit ??

  • jellyandcustard

    That’s excellent running Wayne. I am so unfit that I can’t run the length of myself.

    I remember that car-racing set-up from when Steve made it. It’s brilliant. I could do with that lovely red seat for my Beetle Steve… hint.

  • j.cooper

    Hiya hairy goose,

    I never thought I’d hear myself saying that, not whilst sober anyway. Mrs Cooper and myself have been to Palma before and as usual, missed out on having a good explore of the place due to time restraints and promised ourselves a return visit for a few days. Just imagine our joy when we found out that you were there at the moment, making it a doubly bloody good reason to ask the Irish bloke with a few planes, to whisk us over to the sunny side of the world.

    Now, as befits us ‘silver tops’ with masses of pension money, we are going to Croatia next Saturday and on our return, June is a busy month for us already, spending money like water so we don’t leave anything for the hangers on. This means that it would be July before we could find a window in our busy schedule, which begs the question, how long are you staying in Palma ?. As of now, we would also need to book accommodation and flights, so we’ll touch base later on. (That’s business speak or a load of bollocks, not sure which)

    Hope you’re keeping well, take care on those runs.

    John & Monica.

    >

    • hairygoose

      Go easy there silver surfer!! That’s my inheritance you are spending, as I plan to marry 1 if not all 3 of your daughters !

      Glad to see you are choosing Mr O’Leary to get you here though – that should mean there will be some dollar left for me if, god forbid, the worst should happen.

      As for Palma, I am but a ghost. I will be gone before the end of June, weirdly enough, back to the UK for a short tickle in the Great North 10k.

      If you need advice on where all the best crack dens and swingers clubs are though – I can certainly help you with that – Palma surely is heaven if that is your flava !! (look at me getting all gangsta on your ass).

      Give Mon a squeeze from me

      Laters Coop !

Have a moan - the beers are on me !!

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