Tag Archives: prodigy

Wonderlustre

I went shopping today.  It was not your normal shopping trip but it was for me.

An elegant chance to fool around in someone elses territory so fool around I did.

I was looking for one of those bluetooth speaker thingys that are all the rage at the moment. I was struggling to find one that I liked but did happen across a slightly larger version with a separate woofer and fancy LED’s.

I paired the Samsung to it and tapped in a song to check out the quality.  It was actually pretty good.  It was also a little too expensive at $419 Singapore dollars and if I am honest, a little too big to be portable – but I could have some fun with it.

It boasted a 30 metre bluetooth range so I thought I should give it a go.  Selected a suitable song, in this case the classic Prodigy track ´Charly`(a trip into drum and bass version) and started to walk away.

Here`s the thing – in order to be sure the bluetooth was still connected, I would need to hear the song as I got further away. As the sound had further to travel, this could mean only one thing – more volume.  I pumped it up.

Now for those of you that are not immediately familiar with the trip into drum and bass version of the Prodigy’s ´Charly`it is a little further down the page.  One thing I did notice though – from the peripherals of a 30 metre range, I had a very good view of the sales attendants moving in on an increasingly loud audio system playing what might be considered inappropriate music for the normal clientele of downtown Singapore.

And this is where bluetooth comes into its own – before they could get close enough to identify which of their machines was pumping out such a gorgeous tune – I could turn it down, down so far it was silent and they had no idea where it was coming from.

You guessed already what happened next right?  As they walked away I could turn it up again.  I got four assaults in before they realised that if they stood next to the machines I would have to expose which one I was connected to  in order to continue the dance.  Imagine the fun you could have if you and say 5 of your friends went in to Currys and all connected to different devices?

I am now looking for 5 friends when I return to the UK in July.

 

It did remind me of a trick my grandma taught me as a kid.  Did you ever play knock door run?  Posh southerners call it knock down ginger, Richard Bolam used to call it ´Cherry Knocking although I never understood why.  Well my grandma told me I should get a bit of cotton and tie it around the door knocker and unravel the cotton and hide on the other side of the road.  It bloody worked too - I ´borrowed a reel of black cotton from my mums sowing basket and headed to the top of Hinde Close and found a suitable victim with a door knocker on the row of houses opposite on Stonehills.

Very carefully tied the cotton to the knocker, walked backwards across the road unravelling the cotton and hid behind a small bush on the opposite side of the road.  Pulling in the slack, I could then give it a gentle flick and rattle that knocker

Five times I had that man come to his door, even knocking it again seconds after he had just closed it.  I only stopped because I could no longer contain my laughter – I never did tell my grandma how well her plan came off  – she would have laughed, offered me a fag and a glass of Sherry no doubt.

 

Anyway – Drum and bass Charly as promised. Turn it up and get out of your seat.

 

 

 


Tripping Twig Syndrome

Plenty of news to share with you this time, I know its been a while since my last post – deal with it !

The Great North Run has seen fit to give me two entries for this years event.  In June, I will be running in the 10k event, come September, I will be in the Half Marathon.  I accidentally upped my distance today in preparation for those events.  I left Rupert’s house in Cawston heading across the fields in the general direction of Draycote Water.  I was told it was 5k around the lake and with the extra bit getting there and coming back, I was expecting a healthy 10k hop.

I stopped for an emergency poo at the club house there, and was a tad bemused to see the runkeeper already at 9.1km.  By the time I was done, it was a 14.7km run or close to 10 miles – turns out that Rupert was talking miles when he said 10, I was thinking in kilometers.

Both of those Great North Runs are televised so be sure to tune in and shout some encouragement at your screen – don’t worry what your neighbours think – better still, get them shouting too.

The bird has accepted a job in England so the last few weeks have been spent finding a pad for her to move to – all done now and the move should be complete by the weekend – now all she needs to do is learn to drive on the right side of the road – the left !!

More details will follow in private dispatches.

Lets talk about twig tripping for a moment.  It’s a new phenomenon for me, which is surprising considering the amount of cross-country work I have done in my life.  Twig tripping happens when one of your feet hits the ground and catches the end of a twig or stick.  Because you have hit the end of the twig, the other end gets lifted up off the floor by a few inches.  This lift coincides with your opposing foot moving forward to take the next step when it meets the uplifted end of the stick, normally around where your shoe laces criss cross at the front of your shoe – then you have a problem, one foot on the ground behind you, the other jammed along side it while you have 5 or 6mph of forward motion.  If you are lucky, the twig doesn’t get tangled in your laces criss cross and your foot can slip around and off the end of the twig and plant firmly with a thud as you recover.  Worse case scenario is the twig gets jammed up in the laces and there is no escape other than face planting.

Not only is it catching me out at the moment, but I have seen others having exactly the same problems – which leads me to believe that there is a new breed of twig with the sole purpose of exterminating the human race by face plant or puddle suffocation

Puddle suffocation is a subject I will cover at a later date.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear a new Prodigy song last week and even more happy to pre-order their album for release later this month.  I was saddened to hear that Zane Lowe is leaving Radio 1 but am extremely curious as to what he is going to be doing at Apple. When I left the UK back in 2004, Zane had just recently started with Radio 1 and was shaking up the establishment and bringing a new breed of music to the airwaves.  I did have a blast on Radio 2 the other week too – Jo Whiley.  I remember listening to Jo way back in the early 90’s when she did the ‘Evening Sessions’ with Steve Lamaq – they were responsible for introducing me to Radio Head and the junkie slut tones of Courtney Love and Hole.

Almost time for Top Gear


Mugged twice in one week

I stepped out tonight with a bit of Biffy in my ear – I have to admit to liking their sound.  While on that subject, my breakfast TV this morning consisted of Duran Duran being interviewed and playing live – stunned to admit it, but they sounded good.  I had to double take to make sure they were playing live – and they were.

Thursday night last week, I was on a bit of a mission.  On Tuesday evening I ran 10k, Wednesday morning just under 5 k and on Thursday evening was going for  7k – all timed of course, with me competing against my nemesis – Me!  The Thursday run felt supremely good.  I felt strong, the pace was on for a quick time and I was running with the strength of a Stallion.  It wasn’t quite a gallop but certainly more than a trot.  Maybe one of my horsey type friends can tell me what that is – I was going to say canter but I am not too sure.  My legs were pulsing with energy and making good long strides. With about a kilometre and a half to go – I was feeling invincible.

A feeling of Invincibility is normally a falsehood, if not a warning sign. Of course, it was me against my nemesis so I wasn’t slowing – at least not until my left foot hit a pot hole and rolled inward making those poor tendons crack and groan under the strain.  The sound carried through my body and into my ears and completely drowned the Prodigy who were running with me at that time.

I knew I was done for.  It is funny how your mind works – I am still hopping to a stop and the first thought in my mind is that now, I am going to get cold.  It was around 4ºC outside and I was hot and sweaty – that wouldn’t last long.  When I finally got stopped, my thoughts then turned to how long I would be out of action for before I finally picked up my phone and called for someone to come and pick me up

I then entered the ‘fat footed twat’ era of my life.  A little like the ‘fat handed twat’ of old – the common denominator there being ‘twat’.  For two good days, I had a swollen foot that had a shape more like a half inflated condom.  Last night I managed my walk to Italian lessons without a worry and tonight, a speed walk for 45 minutes and it is feeling good – I must congratulate myself on a speedy recovery.  I will hold off the running until monday though, just to be sure.

Now the second mugging was one of those moments that you hope no-one was watching you.  The photo machine in the railway station was going to get the better of me.  After asking for directions from a policeman (all in Italian I might add), I found the machine and cursed when I saw the money slot was only for coins.  I begged some change from the café and headed for the machine. With a handful of coins I was quite spritely at feeding the damn thing but then the third coin was rejected.  I had enough time to think the words ‘what the’ before a small box popped out and landed at my feet.

Rubber Johnnies – what am I going to do with them I wondered.  Maybe I could half inflate one and stick it on my other foot so they both looked the same. Then I realised – not Johnnies but a Disney key ring with Daisy Duck on it.  I already have a use for it.

I cursed myself for a few seconds as I got in the booth and sat down, drew the curtain then realised that the money slot inside the booth also took 5 & 10 euro notes !!

Lastly, a quick hello to some old chums over in Oz – Chan, Emma & Sage.


Dem black girls, dey like my little ting ting

Firmly stuck in the 90’s I am very pleased to say.  Hit the dizzying heights of 90.8 kgs today after what felt like at best, a mediocre week of concentrating on my food intake.  Of course, I managed all of my interval training and have completed the first month of it now.  I was happily amused to see those figures when I stared down towards my feet, held my huge penis over to one side, and then I could see the digits on display.

I would at this stage like to thank AC/DC (both Brian and Bon), The Prodigy, Sister bliss and one particular track by Annie Lennox that had me bounding like a gazelle up hill on the homeward stretch – the song ‘keep young and beautiful’ had such apt lyrics and a perfect upbeat rhythm to get me up that hill.   Music can make a run much more fun.  The Prodigy or Distillers when you really want your heart pounding on the inside of your rib cage trying to get out.  AC/DC if you want to run with a smile on your face because of the lyrics or an old old classic by Faithless – Reverence (kiss me neck) – that song just blew my mind on the way back from the catamaran club the other week.  I couldn’t get my ear buds far enough in my ears for that one.

As a non believer in all this app nonsense, I am converted.  The interval training has made me a stronger runner in the space of a month, I can feel the difference. The hills here are very hard work but it is all paying off.  I have also been playing squash again, and as yet, I am unbeaten.  In fact, I am yet to loose a single game, let alone a match.  This is, as most squash players will know, in part due to my skill level but also having a fitness level above any of my opponents.  I even played a game last night were two of my opponents came on the court together to play against me.  I was 4-1 up when the lights went out.

Fit as a butchers dog !

The big black momma that works on the security gate here is a funny old bird.  I always have a smile and a few words for her when I pass in the car.  She has also taken to lifting the barrier for me when I am cycling too.  The other day, she was busy chatting with one of her friends when I approached. In line with european law (yawn) I have a bell, I gave it a little ring and she jumped to open the gate for me.  Her friend was highly amused saying in her best Caribbean accent – ‘he got a little ting ting’.  It was like having the Lilt ladies in real life.  They got all giggly on me after that – I wonder why ?

Things are looking up on the generator front too – but I am reluctant to speak too soon.

Holidays are nearly upon me – jetting off to Europe next week. My wonderful woman has also arranged an xbox games night for me when I am back in Brussels – that’s not a bad deal! I might even ask her to drop me off in the middle of the forest with my running shoes, a map and a compass and see if I can beat her home.  I also finally get my hands on that Range Rover that I have owned for over a month now.

I have to work tomorrow (Saturday) but a small price to pay for having the rest of the month off – will also give me time to get tidy again and get everything up to full speed before my relief cover arrives on Sunday afternoon.  If I am lucky, I will get my last dive on Sunday.  I may get a chance in St Lucia but I am not holding my breath (no pun intended).

If you are one of the chosen few who are joining me for a beer on the 16th – I will see you there.  If you are missing out, shame on you.

A few hello’s – Max, where are you ? Musher down there in Bristol (said that with a west country accent), Connor – for constantly amusing me with emails, sometimes even arousing me with them. Stevie B – you can have the Rangie when I get eaten by a shark.  I have been wondering lately what happened to Karen Thornham down under in Oz , Lexa in South Africa, Verity McCoy and of course the bird patiently waiting in Brussels

And a special mention to the Cooper sisters and Monica ca ca ca ca


Gérard Depardieu loves Brigitte Bardot

Where was I watching TV the other day and saw big Gérard accepting his new Russian passport?  I don’t really remember where but I do remember watching him struggle to get into one of those traditional Russian gowns that had been made for him. Time hasn’t been good to him now has it?  I also saw Brigitte Bardot threatening to leave France – not for Tax reasons but to highlight the plight of two elephants with TB. Now it`s fair to say if time hasn’t been kind to Gérard, it has certainly beaten Bardot with the ugly stick.

My push for 90 kilos starts in earnest on 3rd Feb.  I signed on to a fat burning programme for two months via Runkeeper. I will be boring you with my progress as I aim for my ultimate target.  Luckily for me, I have February here in Antigua and March between England and Belgium so I will be having fun.  Running or doing anything here in the heat of the Caribbean is a challenge, the cooler climes of Europe will be a welcome change. I am looking forward to running in the forest in Belgium, hopefully in the rain too.

I need some help.  I have a little running route here in Antigua that I use for strength training.  With the skipper and his missus the other week we managed a time of 22’30” but the closest I can get to that on my own is 45” slower. My theory is to use some raging beats to help me improve.  Naturally I am swinging toward the Prodigy but there must be others out there too, I need 24 minutes of uplifting tunes but not so uplifting that I blow my heart apart. Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

The final preparations are beginning for the Super Yacht Racing here in Antigua this week.  The boss arrives tomorrow and the race crew are slowly emerging over the next few days.  I have seen the Jams World shirts that arrived in the post this week – the loudest Hawaiian shirts money can buy – and proper Jams too  – I will be proudly sporting mine when the time is right.

Tomorrow morning I will be sneaking into the hotel gym again to get a 45 minute session on their rowing machine.  I didn’t get busted last time so fingers crossed I can get away with it again.

There is a yank on the boat right now, she has been here for maybe three hours and talked non stop – of course being American, she is not quiet.  I am convinced that she hasn’t drawn a breath since arriving yet the drivel that is coming out of her mouth is a complete waste of everyone’s time. It’s like, so, whatever, you know ! I have had to come to my cabin and close the door to get away from it – and I am not the only one!  The United States of Whatever!

That said, it does look like a trip back to Europe is on the cards in April and we should be there until the end of the year.  I did offer my support to the boss during her last visit for a trip to Asia – that would be very cool if it came off but we will have to wait and see, most likely will just spend the summer on Nantucket once more.

Anyway – I am bored now, lets see whats on TV – BBC iplayer is a nice tool to have

 

 

 

 

 

 


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