Tag Archives: france

Trump Politics

The first thing I intend to do when I get home for my first break is to sit quietly with an ice-cold glass of Cravendale semi skimmed milk and a full size packet of McVities Chocolate Digestives fresh out of the fridge and eat as much as I can – you see, it’s the simple pleasures in life that are important.

Let’s talk Trump for a moment. I like this guy for the simple reason that each morning when I open the news pages on the internet, there will be a very amusing story about what Trump has been up to the previous day – politics has never been so colourful – not in my lifetime anyway.

Ok, that may come as a shock to a few, first Brexit, then Trump but I am also expecting the dutch to vote for Geert Wilders in a couple of months time and then Marine Le Pen to finish a close second in her elections. The face of Europe is changing.

Lets talk Asia for a moment. I have started a little photo album over to the right. I will add photos as I can – the problem is, there is so much stunning scenery yet I am fully aware how shite scenery photos can look – So I will try to get creative. I can’t help but avoid one or two scenery shots but I will try to keep them to a minimum. Apart from that, in almost 2 months of being here, I have had just 3 hours to myself off the boat. It has been a busy busy time. I have now had a chat with each Captain and told them that this level of use with lack of maintenance is not sustainable and if I can’t win the maintenance game, I won’t play (obviously I put it more diplomatic than that).

I hope to get some time out soon so that I can head to the local red light district of Patong. It is here I intend to set the scene for ‘Lady Boy or Lady Girl’. This is a new game I am developing for you pale faces back home. My intention is to present to you 10 photos of the local hookers, you just need to guess which is which. I am not too sure if any of the hookers will be happy to let me take photos of them touting for business – I rather suspect I will have to buy them each a drink at the over inflated bars’ prices where they work. Either that or I will get beaten to death by handbags.

Obviously this game is dependent on me actually getting off the boat, which, for the first two months has proved impossible. I managed 3 hours the other weekend when I made it to Nai Yang where I had breakfast overlooking the beach and then a half hour Thai massage ( no happy ending!). I did thoroughly enjoy it if I am honest. I was a little surprised when I realised the masseuse was actually standing on my thighs and arse cheeks – but when in Rome !

I land in the UK on the 22nd March – it would be good to head to the Merchants for a beer. Let me know what you think. I also have a local number here in Thailand for those that don’t know it yet. +66 634 977 489 – works great (free) with iMessage and equally free with Skype.

Just had another tip today – that brings the grand total to 27,000 baht since I got here in mid December. No time to get off and spend it means it could be in my wallet for a long long time

love you long time – $5 fucky fucky


Watch your Pilchards !!

Holidays ending again.  I am now half way across France on my way back to Cannes after a weeks holiday.  What was billed as a holiday did in fact feel nothing like it – every day was frantic with either repairing my latest acquisition (Volvo V40) or packing boxes and taking them to storage ahead of Lana’s move to Colombia and giving up the house in Hilmorton.

2017 continues to be a year crammed with chapter changes.  The happier of which is I am glad to say that after a 2 month stay in hospital, Uncle Dennis is finally back at home and on the mend.  The old fella had us all worried for a while there but he is a tough old bugger and will probably outlive me!

After nearly two and a half years onboard of Pink Gin, I have finally quit.  The biggest problem of working on boats, I have always found, is politics, and this one finally got the better of me.  That said, it now hits the record books as my longest term employed on a single vessel.

So now I have some choices to make, which way to turn, where to go.  My favourite at the moment is a role based out of Seattle.  That boat travels to Alaska in the summer and Costa Rica in the winter – private use only.  It’s a good time to be getting paid in $ too.

I leave Pink Gin on 22nd September and will head directly down to Portugal to see what is left of my house.  I haven’t seen it in three years now so this will be an interesting visit.  A week or so of surfing, running and mountain biking should sort me right out.  Who knows, I might even stay there for the winter and get back on with some studies.

The other closing chapter this month will be myself and Lana.  After 6 years we have both decided to call it a day.  She will leave for Colombia at the end of October to start her new chapter in Bogotá.  I have decided not to go.  It is certainly fair to say that we have both changed over the last 6 years and now clearly want different things from our lives.  I am glad to say the split has been amicable and mutual and I wish her well.

I can’t help but think that one person will have a small sigh of relief at that news. Auntie Jen strangely enough.  One of the very few people that knew my true feelings on many things.  She always used to ask me if I was happy and how was my love life in such a sincere and inquisitive way that I could never withhold the truth.  She was aware of my growing unease in my relationship.  Now, I am not saying she disapproved of my choice in partner but she knew I was not happy and like any good Auntie would, she wanted to see me at the top of my game.  I miss her.

 

Now, let me take you all back a week or so.  On my mammoth road trip from Cannes to Rugby I have the music on random when an old INXS song came on. Nostalgia is a funny thing, things were good for nearly everyone when these guys were around.  Anyway, I had the most random thought as I listened to the song below, wondering if Sir Bob Geldof ever listens to INXS and if he does, what does he think about it all?

This time next week, I will be back in the town where this blog began over 10 years ago!

 


I’m not racist but……….

It’s time to get a little controversial again I am afraid, so expect a good long read.  Make a cup of tea and get back to your screen as quickly as possible.  This is gonna take at least 30 minutes of your time.

Then, put your feet up and watch this little video of an Australian comedian debating gun control.  It’s in two parts but don’t worry, part 2 is directly underneath part 1.  When you are done watching, come back here and finish reading

 

 

 

So that’s Jim – a very clever guy, funny as hell and absolutely spot on with his remarks.

You know why I posted it right?  Another attack in America with 20 reported deaths. I, like the vast majority of the civilised population will wonder for just how long this can go on – certainly after Obama leaves office, I think there will be little hope of  any form of gun control for generations to come.  It’s a sad form of politics where the most powerful man in his country is powerless to make meaningful change.

Which of course leads me nicely into Brexit.  A step too far?

Well lets see.  At the head of the European Union sits an appointed board of governors.  This appointed board makes ALL of the decisions that affect all of Europe’s citizens, passes laws and membership requirements for all member states.  Below them in the heirachy are the MEP’s or Members of the European Parliament.  MEP’s are present from each country of the block and are voted for by each blocks citizens – but here is the cliff hanger – The MEP’s cannot propose, create or remove European law – that can only be done by the governors.

Tricky that, in a democracy! See, in whatever democratic society you live in, you have the option to vote in your representatives or equally vote out someone that has represented you badly.  So if someone taxes you too much – vote them out, if life is good, vote them in again.  But with the EU, there appears to be nothing you can do.  if you don’t like what they propose and enforce on you – there is nothing you can do to protest or show your distain.  That to me sounds more like a dictatorship than a democracy.

Now I have to admit that sometimes in a democracy, we need a little bit of a dictatorship.  See, all politicians, regardless of their colours want to get re-elected, they like the power and they certainly like the bigger pay packet that being in leadership provides. And this is where democracy fails us a little.  There are times when a government MUST, for the longer term good of their country, MUST make unpopular short term decisions with a view to a longer term win – but they rarely do. A single term in Parliament is not long enough to make good, future building changes for your public, it needs longer.  But who would re-elect a government that just increased taxes by say 2% to improve spending on healthcare or pensions?  Both in the long term good of the people but no one wants to pay for it.

So go back to the EU for a second, if they propose and implement something that 75% of the public dislike – nothing can be done to stop it – it becomes EU law and EU law MUST be complied with by ALL member states.

Some of this could be good too – we all drive cars now that have a standardised diagnostics socket on board so that not only main dealers can fix your car but also independents can too – they don’t have to buy one tool for Jaguar, one for Mercedes, one for Volvo etc – they all have to be the same.  But remember the oddities too – remember when cucumbers had to be grown straighter? or when they banned the UK from having different coloured fire extinguishers for different types of fires because they said it caused confusion?  Imagine that one – you are on holiday in Spain say, and there is a fire.  You have to read the extinguisher to see what type it is to make sure it is safe to use on that type of fire – BUT YOU DONT SPEAK SPANISH !

Nigel Farage once made a statement where he said something like –

‘If you think the EU is undemocratic, you have fundamentally misunderstood what the EU is about – It is Anti- Democratic’

Now that statement is absolutely cock on. He is 100% right.

Imagine for a minute, as individuals, we were not allowed to choose which bank we used, we were told which one we had to use, and the people that had the sole control on which bank we were forced to use,  were the bankers themselves.?

OK, so now you think I am a Brexit campaigner right?  Well understand my personal position.  Those of you that know what I am about, the essence of free movement around Europe has been the backbone of my existance for the last 11 years or so.  In those 11 years I have lived and worked in France, Spain, Italy, Belgium and Portugal (lets exclude time in America and the Caribbean).  The schengen agreement has been very good for me – the single currency has been superb for me – I have often complained about needing the £ and €’s in my pocket but always been mindful that anyone who gave up the pound would be committing political suicide.

So I have several personal reasons for staying in.  A house in another EU country for one.  A job that requires me to travel extensively within Europe for another.  If the UK left, would I need a Schengen Visa to live and work around Europe for another 10 years? I currently have my car with me in Mallorca – will I still be able to do that? What would become of my house in Portugal – could I sell it and take the money out of the eurozone?

Moving around Europe has been fun, enlightening yet incredibly frustrating at times too.  One thing I will always say is that going back to the UK is going back to a country that works, has great healthcare, excellent customer service, shops that are open when you can use them, a great Police Force and minimal corruption.

Now before you disagree with any of those statements – Firstly ask yourself how much have you travelled and experienced things outside of the UK?  I have seen a lot over the last decade – let me assure you, of all of the countries I have seen, The UK has THE BEST answers – thats not to say they are perfect but they are certainly the best of all I have seen.  Secondly – if you believe the UK is not all that, why on earth do you think so many Non UK Nationals want to get there ????

The big question for me is – how much does the EU want to dissolve the UK’s identity?  Hollywood could make a film about it – the critics would call it a magnificent work of fiction, all the movie wankers in Cannes would quaff on about how good it was.

Imagine the UK getting absorbed into the EU to a point that our identity is lost for ever.  Way back in the 90’s I was completing a staff survey at one of the best companies I ever worked for, a company called LeasePlan.  They were conducting a survey of ethnic backgrounds for diversity.  Way back then, one thing that stuck with me was when they asked me for my nationality and there was no option for ‘British’.  I spoke to the H.R. director who was a very good friend of mine and of Indian descent and asked her where my option was and she told me I was now ‘European’.  I marked ‘other’ and sent it back.

Think it is still unrealistic?  Ask your parents who voted in the 70’s for joining what was then the common market.  Back then it was just a trade agreement – already now, Brussels pushes laws and regulations at the UK.

I am often left with the feeling that the Eurocrats view the Brits as a troublesome bunch that just won’t come quietly.  I know they fear us though too.  Imagine, if the UK votes to leave, they will be shitting in their overpaid pants, waiting for the next country to call a referendum too.  As I travel, I talk to locals.  Where ever I am, the same fears apply.  When the euro came in, prices went up, salaries went down – everyone is worried about immigration – EVERYONE.

If the UK leaves, it will survive.  It is the 5th largest economy in the world. I don’t doubt that things will be a little tougher for a couple of years while deals are thrashed out, but it will survive.  When other countries see this too  – they will want out.  Sure, economists are predicting doom and gloom but remember, these are the same economists that FAILED to see the banking crisis in 2008.  It will be a step into the unknown to leave but also remaining will be an unknown step too – a step of not knowing how much control Central Europe will take away from this plucky little island.  And remember, once it’s gone, there is no way of getting it back.

Greece is not in the headlines too much anymore – but it is still there – absorbing huge amounts of EU money on a daily basis.

I spent a lot of time in Brussels over the last 5 years or so.  One thing that struck me was the sheer amount of EU money that is lavished there.  Diplomatic cars, special parking places, houses rented to EU workers, lunch allowances, drinks after work – all paid for out of EU funds.

Consider this for a moment.  Lets say Brexit happens, the EU throws its toys out of the pram and sets about making an example of the UK.  Will all of the ex-pats in Spain and Portugal have to return home?  If they did, it would kill those economies stone dead.  Would the UK in return then kick out all of the europeans on a tit for tat basis?  Maybe – but that would relieve the housing shortage right?  Doctors waiting times would plummet and maybe you could then get an operation within a few days of diagnosis.

So the EU stops all trade with the UK.  Something like 40% of our goods are imported from Europe.  Could they sustain such a  loss in sales?  of course not.  There would need to be a trade deal made – a deal that helped both parties, a mutually beneficial agreement.  How long would that take?  Well we know the EU is a big beurocratic machine that rumbles along slower than a snails pace but while their economies are suffering, it would also be in their best interests to strike a deal.

Will people stop flying to Europe?  Of course not.  Every time I fly into Nice or Palma my passport is checked anyway – EVERY TIME so what difference would it make to me?  Every time someone lands in the UK – their passport is checked – no difference there either.  If I have to get a visa, its not the end of the world.  I have a visa for America – it was relatively inexpensive and simple enough to get, fits nicely in my passport along with an expired Russian Visa.

If the UK had intelligence of a terrorist attack in Paris, would they withold that information – of course not.  Would the Germans warn the UK of an impending attack – Of course they would.

Politicians now need to give facts to the public instead of scare mongering or ‘Project Fear’ as it has been called many times. The Leave campaign needs to accurately publish the NET cost of EU membership rather than that all encompassing larger figure that they like to band around.  The public need to trust their instincts when listening to the tripe that falls out of many politicians mouths and learn to dismiss comments that are clearly unsubstantiated nonsense.

There is a lot of wiffle waffle being spoken and it is damn easy to spot.  Apply a little bit of common sense and you can easily work things out for yourself.

Personally, I am better off in but if you prefer to have a democratic, self governing land of opportunity you have to vote out.  Merkel’s career is done – her people are vastly annoyed with her open door policy on immigration and as for Hollande, well, it wouldn’t be the first time the French have laid down at the feet of the Germans would it?

And just because you voice a concern about immigration – IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A RACIST.  Remember the story about the boy who cried wolf?  If people continue to misuse the ‘racist’ card it will be come so devalued that when it is genuinely need, it will be ignored by the masses – and that would be a very sad situation.  People have a genuine concern about the physical load exerted by huge immigration on services within their countries.  Let them voice their opinions and be heard.  Immigration is not a bad thing – uncontrolled immigration is.

 

Phew – rant over

 

And Finally

 

If you really didn’t think Big Brother is watching you – something very suspicious happened to me today……Apple.

So we have all heard the rumours that your smart phone microphone can listen to your conversations covertly and then target web & app adverts specifically from the conversations it has eaves dropped on?  Well, this is true.   A myth buster style trial took place a couple of months ago and it took some tech nerds just 3 days to build an app with readily available software that could do just that.

Imagine my surprise today when I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see a web page displayed.  Ok, sometimes I may forget to screen lock it, we have all ‘butt dialled’ someone right ?  But what I saw today was beyond spooky.  Yesterday I received a photo on my phone of some paperwork for my rowing machine.  Within that paperwork were the operators instructions and other stuff including the original sales receipt.  I zoomed in on the receipt to get the invoice date and displayed above that date was the suppliers name, Fitness Superstore.  Well bugger me, if the web page being displayed wasn’t for the same company.

Now, the receipt was a year and a half old, my phone is only a month old, I didn’t even know the name of the store I bought it from but could there be a spy in my software that scans my photos and directs me to those web pages?


Remember to tick the right box

My recent travels to the UK left me feeling  a bit perplexed.  I flew EasyJet again – lets be honest, the price is right and the service now that the company has matured a little, is actually very good.  They have good routes, and generally run on time. I even managed to get the train from Rugby to Luton Airport, 1st class for just over £30 and a silly £1.60 bus transfer from Luton Airport Parkway Station to the Terminal – all in about 2 hours – pretty damn sweet if you ask me!

I am perplexed because when booking, I never noticed the tick box for ‘I will behave like a total fuckwit’ yet so many of my fellow passengers did.  I also find it amusing that people start to queue at the gate even before the incoming plane has landed and made its way to the gate to offload the incoming passengers.  What really tickles me is when people with ‘Speedy Boarding’ are also as hurried to get in a queue for a plane that hasn’t even arrived yet.  Oh the joys of flying.

What leaves me dumb struck are the regular flyers – by that I mean the business man that flies business class and gets priority boarding. Why is it that these spaztards actually get to the gate and when they are asked for their boarding cards, they have it stowed at the very bottom of their carry on ?   I could fully understand if they were virgin flyers but regular flyers should know better.

There is of course one huge bonus of flying back to France – it is a given that the arrivals hall will be a major cluster fuck.  So, Nice, Terminal 2 – there are 4 or 5 reclaim belts but those cheese munchers decide to put three flights worth of bags all on one belt while the others stand redundant.  Of course, you can trust the passengers to then crowd right up to the belt so that no-one can get to their bag when it actually comes around after a wait of 30 minutes.  Society has become one huge self centred place where people have little or no consideration for those around them.

Now lets talk conspiracy.  On the boat, my shampoo is Head and Shoulders.  Now, I don’t have dandruff but I do have a concern.  I think that  when I stop using the shampoo and switch to whatever brand comes next, suddenly I will start getting dandruff – a result of the secret ingredient that is put in the shampoo to trap the accidental user.

Don’t believe me?  Ask someone who has used Sensodyne toothpaste and then stopped – I bet their teeth got sensitive afterwards.

All done?  Not quite.

Tomorrow morning I will brave the chilled temperature of the Meditereanean at around 06:45.  I brought my summer wet suit with me so that I can start swimming in the mornings too.  The boat gauge suggests 14ºc – time will tell.


Keep your little battifarra in your pants !

Where the hell have I been?

Frankly I am not sure.  Most recently, I sailed on one of the largest sailing yachts in the world, the Maltese Falcon to help deliver from Monaco to Athens.  I often wondered what this big bastard might sail like and I was surprised, it sailed well, although not hands on enough for my taste. www.symaltesefalcon.com

Then last week, I drove down to the South of France for a few days of interviews and dock walking. I had 3 interviews, all of which I thought would be good jobs, so good in fact that I actually took my bike and dive gear in the back of the car expecting to leave them on a boat as I had accepted their offers but as it turns out, I didn’t want any of the jobs.  1 of them, a 47 metre motor yacht ( I know – the dark side) was going to the Maldives and Seychelles for the winter which I really fancied.  Fortunately, when I met the outgoing engineer, I knew him, and he told me that the boat spends nearly all of its time at anchor and never goes to the dock – that for me was a no-no so I disappointed the captain the very next morning.

Nº 2 was equally weird, a South of France based boat paying strong money that sub contract all of the engineer work.  When I asked the captain what the engineer actually does, he couldn’t tell me anything.  Now call me old-fashioned but if I am being paid well, I expect to work for it, not sit around bored, twiddling my thumbs.

Nº 3 was an old shitter that I knew of from Mallorca, a Turkish built boat that was extended by 3 metres in the Spanish yard and took 3 years to complete.  The engineer on board didn’t know he was leaving but I wanted to see on board before making any committment.  The captain couldn’t arrange this though so I drew a blank straight away.

After finishing in France, I thought I would drive across to Italy and hit San Remo, Imperia and then Genoa – all proved fruitless on the face of it but who knows what might come of the visit in the future.

So now, I am sitting in Charleroi Airport in Belgium waiting to fly to Mallorca for a few days.  I am seeing a boat in the morning called Andromeda la Dea before flying to Valencia on Tuesday evening to meet an old gaff rigged schooner called Adix.  For the sailors among you, the gaff rig is a real hard-core sailing boat – you can take a look at the link below – it is a thing of beauty under full sail though, even I have to admit that.

http://www.charterworld.com/index.html?sub=yacht-charter&charter=adix-2130

Their summer programme for next year includes a circumnavigation of the UK, very exciting but also very chilly.

Driving up through Switzerland on the way from Genoa to Brussels is always a treat.  The temperature dropped to 3ºc at the entrance to the Gottard tunnel, increased to 26ºc in the middle of this 10 mile long tube and then at the exit, snow – it was epic.

I also managed to trigger 2 speed cameras in Switzerland, over there they flash red, then another just over the border in France.  My car was running so smoothly that I had to call Rue to see if his was as smooth as mine – it certainly was.  Just as I was explaining the 3 cameras that had caught me and we were both having a chuckle – FLASH! camera Nº 4 got me too.  Right now, I am thanking the Lord of Gatso that the UK currently has a non disclosure pact with the rest of europe – imagine, that could have been bye-bye licence all in one trip.

So now, Charleroi Airport and the tiresome wait for Ryanair.

I did notice a heavier than normal presence of the ‘Moron Shuffle’.  That walk in the airport where people with unfeasibly large bags, shuffle their feet at half a mile an hour with their jaw agape, blissfully unaware that other people exist or are trying to get around them.  They change direction or stop dead without thought for the carnage that they cause behind them, their fat bags tangling with everyone elses until they eventually decide to stop dead in the middle of the entrance to the passport check – not unsimilar to the Congo myth of Mokele Mbembe or roughly translated ‘one that blocks rivers’ these selfish mother fuckers can think only of themselves and see as far ahead as the end of their nose.

I wonder if the Belgians actually have on their national curriculum a lesson on anti spacial awareness and anti social behavioural techniques

Fuckwits – all of them

Anyway – an hour until lift off – I need to poo


News from the Future

UK HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2060

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions.

White minorities still trying to have English recognised as the UK ‘s third language.

Children from two-parent, married, heterosexual families bullied in schools for being ‘different’……. Tolerance urged.

Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing a Burqa.

Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct, and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. UK Government has told the Japanese that Grey Squirrels taste like whale meat.

Britain now has ten Universities of Political Correctness.  Professor Goldman of LUPC says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

Britain ‘s deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time.
Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Iran still isolated. Physicists estimate at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country comes forward.

Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President.

Post Office raises price of stamps to £19 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
After a ten-year, £75.8 billion study commissioned by the Conservative Party, scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil and human rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet seven inches.

New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered as lethal weapons.

Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.

Bradford Muslim City win FA Cup Final, beating Halifax Hindu Hornets 4-1.

On a lighter note.  During one of my many beer fuelled discussions over the weekend, we got talking about MILF’s and GILF’s before the conversation turned to every letter in the alphabet and what that could mean – when was the last time you heard a woman use the term DILF?  We got stuck on a few though – particularly X and Z. I am of course open to suggestions but xylophone and zebra will not cut the mustard so please don’t try.

Shame on those that never made it – especially the Cooper sisters – tutt tutt !


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