Tag Archives: London Euston

Don’t ask me where I have been.

But do ask about the monumental trip I am currently making all the way from West Papua to good old Rugby Town.

Most of you will have no idea where West Papua is, or even that it existed. Well, take a globe, spin it around until you can see Australia, draw a vertical line up the middle of Australia and out the top, the first land mass you might hit will be Papua.  I was there yesterday.  Tomorrow I aim to be in Rugby, squeezing the squeeze.

How about this for a monster trek, 4 taxi’s, 4 flights, 2 train rides, 1 underground ride, two overnight stops in cheap (and a little run down) hotels and a quick walk off the platform into the arms of my favourite nurse.  Heavenly.

I have now had a year in Asia, a bit like John Thaw’s year in Provence – NOT. Different over here, mainly hot and humid or just plain hot so I am glad to be heading back to the chills of blighty.  Yep, you will think I am mad but one thing I noticed about people that move to hot climates – they spend all their time in air conditioned buildings so unless you count global warming as a win, they have gained nothing.

 

So, Rugby Town…..I wonder if it has changed much?  Will be in the Merchants Inn on Friday night if you fancy a beer.

If you have ever thought of crossword puzzles being difficult to complete correctly, try completing one wrongly – filling all those spaces with words and letters that connect correctly is a dozen times harder, I promise you.

 

We did have a new experience on board our boat recently.  Two of the guests wanted to get married.  The captain stepped up to the plate and did the deed.  The stewardesses pulled out all of the stops to make the boat look ceremonial and me, as the engineer, was tasked with commissioning a wedding ring!  That’s a first for me.  Scratching my head wondering what to use and how to do it, I finally opted for an old fishing hook, a gas burner and some snipe nosed pliers to get the job done.  Measured the Grooms finger with one of my combination spanners (he’s a 17mm by the way) and began to fashion the ring for him.  It actually turned out pretty damn excellent I might say.  I did hope he would leave it behind and let me keep it but he took it with him.  One day when I am fat and famous, that ring will be worth a mint I tell you – like an original Banksy.

Anyway, have a look at the photos, click to enlarge and place your orders for bespoke jewelery next time you see me.

 

So there you have it – the man has hidden talents don’t you know.

New Xbox One X is waiting for me too, along with a new personalised controller – all I need now is a 4k TV and I am in.  A major lottery win wouldn’t go amiss either but to get that one, I might need to buy a ticket right?  Something tells me though, I won’t get much time to try it out.  A trip to the Fred Dibnah Heritage Centre is on the cards, renew my medical certificate in Nottingham and two little surprises for the squeeze, one as a birthday treat is, if I say so myself, a – fucking – mazing!!!  Don’t take my word for it though – check back here in December and read all aboout (for the Canadian readers) it.

Glad to see some chums have confirmed for the Merchants, always look forward to seeing the Beards, this time, Junior Gurnsey is even going to make it so I am told.  Biggest surprise – Mr. & Mrs. Brown will also be there !!!

 

And if you were wondering, I was a 21mm – that would be well endowed if I were a lesbian !

See you tomorrow bum holes !!

 

No Range Rover Sport this time 😦

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Remember to tick the right box

My recent travels to the UK left me feeling  a bit perplexed.  I flew EasyJet again – lets be honest, the price is right and the service now that the company has matured a little, is actually very good.  They have good routes, and generally run on time. I even managed to get the train from Rugby to Luton Airport, 1st class for just over £30 and a silly £1.60 bus transfer from Luton Airport Parkway Station to the Terminal – all in about 2 hours – pretty damn sweet if you ask me!

I am perplexed because when booking, I never noticed the tick box for ‘I will behave like a total fuckwit’ yet so many of my fellow passengers did.  I also find it amusing that people start to queue at the gate even before the incoming plane has landed and made its way to the gate to offload the incoming passengers.  What really tickles me is when people with ‘Speedy Boarding’ are also as hurried to get in a queue for a plane that hasn’t even arrived yet.  Oh the joys of flying.

What leaves me dumb struck are the regular flyers – by that I mean the business man that flies business class and gets priority boarding. Why is it that these spaztards actually get to the gate and when they are asked for their boarding cards, they have it stowed at the very bottom of their carry on ?   I could fully understand if they were virgin flyers but regular flyers should know better.

There is of course one huge bonus of flying back to France – it is a given that the arrivals hall will be a major cluster fuck.  So, Nice, Terminal 2 – there are 4 or 5 reclaim belts but those cheese munchers decide to put three flights worth of bags all on one belt while the others stand redundant.  Of course, you can trust the passengers to then crowd right up to the belt so that no-one can get to their bag when it actually comes around after a wait of 30 minutes.  Society has become one huge self centred place where people have little or no consideration for those around them.

Now lets talk conspiracy.  On the boat, my shampoo is Head and Shoulders.  Now, I don’t have dandruff but I do have a concern.  I think that  when I stop using the shampoo and switch to whatever brand comes next, suddenly I will start getting dandruff – a result of the secret ingredient that is put in the shampoo to trap the accidental user.

Don’t believe me?  Ask someone who has used Sensodyne toothpaste and then stopped – I bet their teeth got sensitive afterwards.

All done?  Not quite.

Tomorrow morning I will brave the chilled temperature of the Meditereanean at around 06:45.  I brought my summer wet suit with me so that I can start swimming in the mornings too.  The boat gauge suggests 14ºc – time will tell.


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