Tag Archives: easy jet

Positive Mental Attitude

Don’t worry, I haven’t ben affected by one of those ‘life coaches’ or anything else pathetic like that but i have decided to perk myself up a little.  Lots going on at the moment and add to that a job that is getting a little long in the tooth and I have to say I have become way too grumpy for my own good, so I have decided to pick myself up every morning with a few american style ‘whoos’ at good volume, followed by the words ‘P-M-A dude’ and the occasional ‘fuck yeah’ to finish it off.

It makes me smile but annoys the shit out of those around me.  I even find myself saying it in the car when confronted with the local spanish fuckwits.  It works too – try it for yourself next time you want to rage at someone.


I have a few photos to share with you while I am PMA’ing.  Been flying an awful lot this last month.  I have sampled the delights of both Monarch Airlines and also the tedium of Ryanair.  Now Monarch, I really like.  The prices are not mental, their planes in good nick and their staff are always really good.  I was a bit miffed though the other week when crossing the Alps and the co-pilot came out of the cockpit to use the toilet.  Remember that German Wings flight that plunged into the Alps the other year?  Well, I thought that since then, all airlines had adopted a policy of always two people in the cockpit. Not Monarch it would seem.  As their customer service kindly pointed out to me in an email – the two at all times policy was a recommendation and not  law so they weren’t doing it.  So I switched to Ryanair.  A little cheaper, a little less classy and a little less on time.  Both of last weeks flights were at least an hour late, the return leg getting to an hour and a half behind.

I am a firm subscriber to the notion of ‘better late than never’ when flying.  Ryanair play that shite little fanfare when they land on time or ahead of schedule – you may have noticed.  What you also may have noticed is that they also publish longer flight times than their rivals for identical flights – sneaky feckers aren’t they?

So this time – no fanfare, praise the lord but as you can see below, a late departure and then to add insult to injury, we get overtaken by an Easyjet plane – damn Ryanair you tight fuckers, burn some extra fuel and catch up some of the time you lost!



Now, all said and done, lets talk about Range Rover Sport and the Land Rover Dealer network.  Been a thorn in my side for a while now, whenever I take my car to the dealer, it costs a grand.  Never more, never less, always a fecking grand.  I called them last week to make a booking to have some work done.  One of the things I asked them to do was tell me how much a new key would be.  One of my keys is worn badly on the unlock button.  So bad the casing has cracked and is exposing the electronics to the atmosphere.  I asked for a price and the rather smug fucker at the dealer said, ……wait for it……….£250 – I was gob smacked.

£250 for a key – get lost !.  I scoured eBay and found a new shell.  All I had to do was cut the old unit apart, remove the electronics and fit them inside the new key – easy !!!IMG_0499


Damn right it was easy – for a first timer, it took me about 20 minutes.  Comparing the two keys (genuine and aftermarket) it is hard to see the difference, in fact, I think the new one is better


And here’s the best bit – not £250 like the Dick Turpin dealer wanted, no.  A modest £5.95 delivered from eBay.  Yes, not a typo, five pounds and ninety five pence, delivered in two days flat – job done

My Range Rover is ace – the dealer network is just shite.


Now tonight, I would like to end with a little bit of nostalgia.  Some of you may be familiar with a spectacularly good program called ‘Modern Family’. It’s ace isn’t it ?  One of the main characters on that program is a guy I know better as Al Bundy from Married with Children ( also showing the extremely hot young Christina Applegate).  A superb comedy from a time before the politically correct brigade gained some seats in the Houses of Parliament. Anyway, tonight I found a montage of Al Bundys best insults and it actually made me LOL so I thought I should share.  I genuinely did LOL too, I am not just typing that for effect – I LOL’d and you will too, I promise


Remember to tick the right box

My recent travels to the UK left me feeling  a bit perplexed.  I flew EasyJet again – lets be honest, the price is right and the service now that the company has matured a little, is actually very good.  They have good routes, and generally run on time. I even managed to get the train from Rugby to Luton Airport, 1st class for just over £30 and a silly £1.60 bus transfer from Luton Airport Parkway Station to the Terminal – all in about 2 hours – pretty damn sweet if you ask me!

I am perplexed because when booking, I never noticed the tick box for ‘I will behave like a total fuckwit’ yet so many of my fellow passengers did.  I also find it amusing that people start to queue at the gate even before the incoming plane has landed and made its way to the gate to offload the incoming passengers.  What really tickles me is when people with ‘Speedy Boarding’ are also as hurried to get in a queue for a plane that hasn’t even arrived yet.  Oh the joys of flying.

What leaves me dumb struck are the regular flyers – by that I mean the business man that flies business class and gets priority boarding. Why is it that these spaztards actually get to the gate and when they are asked for their boarding cards, they have it stowed at the very bottom of their carry on ?   I could fully understand if they were virgin flyers but regular flyers should know better.

There is of course one huge bonus of flying back to France – it is a given that the arrivals hall will be a major cluster fuck.  So, Nice, Terminal 2 – there are 4 or 5 reclaim belts but those cheese munchers decide to put three flights worth of bags all on one belt while the others stand redundant.  Of course, you can trust the passengers to then crowd right up to the belt so that no-one can get to their bag when it actually comes around after a wait of 30 minutes.  Society has become one huge self centred place where people have little or no consideration for those around them.

Now lets talk conspiracy.  On the boat, my shampoo is Head and Shoulders.  Now, I don’t have dandruff but I do have a concern.  I think that  when I stop using the shampoo and switch to whatever brand comes next, suddenly I will start getting dandruff – a result of the secret ingredient that is put in the shampoo to trap the accidental user.

Don’t believe me?  Ask someone who has used Sensodyne toothpaste and then stopped – I bet their teeth got sensitive afterwards.

All done?  Not quite.

Tomorrow morning I will brave the chilled temperature of the Meditereanean at around 06:45.  I brought my summer wet suit with me so that I can start swimming in the mornings too.  The boat gauge suggests 14ºc – time will tell.

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