Tag Archives: Colorado

Hawaii five-0 – shake it off

As Steve McGarrett used to say every Sunday night – ‘Book ’em Danno’.

I never got booked once but man alive did I want to be rowing a sea kayak into the waves every sunday evening.

Back from Boulder – what a great place.  Full of fit people, never saw anyone smoking and only 5 police cars in 5 days.  One of those was a sharp-eyed cop that noticed a mother and baby crossing the road had dropped a little pink bootie so he pulled up, flicked his lights on, jumped out, grabbed the bootie and handed it back to mumsie – all very nice and polite like.  Now, compare that to Ft Lauderdale where every couple of seconds, the five – 0  are passing you on the street and you begin to wonder how sweet a spot you are in.

A shed load of photos have just been uploaded, you will find them in an album in the photo section called ‘Boulder, Colorado’ strangely enough – took a lot of thought that one.

Is it just me that has the new Taylor Swift song spinning in my head or is everyone buzzing with it? The players gonna play play play play play play and the haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate hate – you get the drift.  I am finding it so catchy that I might just have to buy the damn album, but please don’t tell any of my friends.

In just 33 days, I will be back on European soil and staying there for a few months too – I am looking forward to that, especially the winter, after chasing the sun for the last 6 months.  We were lucky enough to get a flurry of snow in Boulder to prepare me for the euro winter that lies ahead.  I can hardly wait. I want snow !!

So on the final countdown (it’s all song references tonight) but I will be back soon, keep one eye for looking over your shoulder.

I thought I would leave you tonight with a picture I took of some chicks BMW at the local boat supply store yesterday afternoon, just made me laugh when I saw the hook of the luggage strap grabbing at the wheel arch and then onto the seat belt points on the seat back – priceless!


Doing everything she can to get women drivers a bad name !

Doing everything she can to get women drivers a bad name !

Flange – A word of beauty and hidden meaning.

Recovering from my ‘I hate Florida’ rant of the other day, I am looking forward to Colorado next weekend and hoping that it will revive my faith in human nature on this side of the pond.

Today, I would like to invite you all to discuss the following statement…

If your ball sack hangs lower than your bell end, is this a sign of age or a sign of a warm ambient temperature ?

I will leave you to chew that one over for a while (poor choice of expression I am sure).

I am also wondering about the street cleaners here that use leaf blowers.  All I ever see is these guys wandering around blowing leaves.  I never see anyone scooping them up.  Am I actually watching a guy that has blown those leaves down from Alaska, across California, through Death Valley, across Texas Louisiana and Mississippi before stopping for a burger in Alabama and then pushing across the state line into Florida?  Better still, are they even this seasons leaves?  I wonder.

I also wonder about the veeeee-hickles they use over here and the amount of flashing lights they have on them. School buses I can understand, Police, Fire and Paramedics I get that too – Park Rangers?  really?  Parking Enforcement Officers – why? Postal deliveries – come on.  I even saw a golf buggy the other day with strobe lights flashing all over the place.  It seems every veeeeee hickle has them and for me it de-sensitises you to them – but not the yanks of course.  Put a delivery truck on a half mile long and straight section of dual carriageway, all lights flashing while it is unloading and watch the locals drive all the way up to the back of it until their noses are pressed on the light lenses before they realise it’s not moving and they need to change lanes.  First class!

That’ll do for now, I need to find a Donnie Darko Skeleton suit for Halloween


That is one big nasty gash!

That is one big nasty gash!


WTF Americuh – it’s like so whatever – OMG OMG OMG

Lets get this monster moan out of the way immediately.

Tonight I went to a place called Markham Park with my mountain bike and one of the crew from the boat in front of us.  When we got there, I was in trouble – no helmet!  If I am honest, I never wear one, my choice, and many of you say it is a stupid choice I know, wearing a helmet hasn’t done much for Mr. Schumacher now has it.  In fact if you believe the press, wearing a helmet with a go pro attached has caused all of his damage, but that is for another posting.

Anyway – when we got there, signed everywhere, helmets mandatory. I pushed ahead – fearful that at any point someone would call in SWAT and have them waiting for me at the exit gate, lights flashing, tear gas popping, military spec hardware ready to take me down as they shout ‘stop resisting – stop resisting’, helicopters buzzing overhead, drones tracking my every move and a bright orange jump suit with hand and ankle shackles and a private jet direct to Guantanamo Bay – the fucking pricks!

After around 30 minutes on the trails, I had heard enough – every muppet that we met would tell me I should be wearing a helmet – every one of them.  I am sure in bars, homes and internet chat rooms all over Florida tonight, there will be wide assed yanks talking about the criminally insane English man that rode Markham without a skid lid.  For fucks sake – leave me alone you twats !  One kind local offered to cycle us out to the exit so that we didn’t threaten their cycling privileges.

The biggest bollocks of it all – they weren’t black runs you soft Floridian cunts – some of them vaguely resembled red runs – VAGUELY! but dare to call them black?  No wonder the black community get annoyed with white americans – they don’t know what black is !

As you might have noticed from tonight’s post, I am a little peeved – actually that is an understatement – I am very annoyed, close to livid even.  I will be very glad to see the back of ‘America – fuck Yeah’ in 7 weeks time.  My only hope is that when I get away from Florida later this month, being somewhere more rugged like Colorado might restore my faith in the stars and stripes.  We will be there over Halloween, maybe I should have some fun with that to relieve the pain of today?


I can’t be bothered to write any more

Una Paloma Blanca !

If there are a few things I have learned in my near on 45 years on this planet, Algebra, Trigonometry and Transposition of Formulas are not three of them – although I will be attempting to learn those again early next year.

No, but I have learned a few things, specifically this week, I have been learning about Gym things – let me share them with you.

1. Why do people drive to the gym to then use a running machine?  How about you run to the gym, don’t go in, turn around and run home.  Saving yourself the gym membership and the cost of fuel in your 5.0 ltr V8 monster truck and getting a run out in the real world!

2. Better still, why the hell would you go to the Gym to use a step machine?  How about you head to the pikey flats around the corner and climb the stairs to the top (guaranteed the lift will be out-of-order or at least stinking of piss so much you wont want to use it).  If you really want to hot things up, you can knock on the drug dealers door and tell him you are selling on his patch, then see who can make it to the 12th floor first.

3.  The Gym is not a social club – Social Clubs are for socialising so go there instead.  There is nothing worse than watching a 50 something man, cheesing all over the women in the gym, leave them alone !  One guy at my gym, gets off his machine and gets onto the one next to the chicks and then constantly talks to them, worse still, he talks across the gym to them too, so I have to hear it over my headphones.

4.  If you are one of those women that likes the attention of the cheesing saddo’s mentioned above – please bear in mind that if you put as much effort into your workout as you do talking to the Cheese Meister – your arse would be half the size it actually is.  With a smaller, lighter arse, your big 5.0 ltr V8 monster truck won’t use quite so much fuel and you will be more attractive to less cheesier options.

5. Lastly but by no means least – NEVER FART IN THE GYM.  People are breathing hard, the last thing I need is to have to chew the eggy air around me after someone has dropped their guts in front of the vent for the air conditioning. What is wrong with you fucktards ?


There, moan over.  I got my first puncture on my new bike this weekend.  Quite a hefty one too

IMG_0634 IMG_0636


And if that wasn’t enough for me, I also found some Chimay Blue for my troubles




Now all said and done – the beer went down well with a Pizza – and me still weighing in at a pokey 88kgs !!  I am still left wondering how I managed to pick up suck a big nail on a bike tyre (sorry ‘tire’ for any yanks reading) but as a kid, I could always find punctures too – thankfully I was taught well on how to fix them.

Boulder, Colorado is drawing closer although I saw on the news today in the Gym while rowing hard and chewing eggy air that there was heavy snow on the mountains.  We have a saying on boats – there is no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothes.  Well, I have one lightweight army jacket with me and 4 T-shirts (5 if you include the FHRITP.com) so I might struggle a bit.

There, I think I am done for the evening, just want to leave you with a footnote.  In the 70’s when I hit the social club scene pretty hard with the parents, there was a song that everyone sang. Una Paloma Blanca. Turns out Paloma is spanish for Pidgeon, all this time they were singing about a white Pidgeon and I bet no-one knew.  If you need help remembering the song, check out the link below, turn up the volume, roll down your flares and file me under groovey.


Ah, rocking the Bedworth Working Mens Club, Radae Club, Roots at Ryton – man alive they were the days – Brownsover Social Club

Word Up !

To Connor for giving the Porsche penis a good ragging off the lights – now all you have to do Connor is wait for 2 weeks for the NIP to drop through your door.  After 2 weeks, you are scott free…….Good Luck me old china !

That said – Porsche’s . who needs them?

Tonight I thought I would treat you to a superb upload of photos of my new bike, very arty, off the back of the boat, all that carbon fibre nonsense.  I did roll my eyes a little when I picked her up.  The girl in the shop described it as a ‘custom build’ to another customer who was eyeing it up.  Now, I am not saying that these yanks over exaggerate or even slightly embellish but ‘custom build’ was more than a tad over the top.  See, all they did was take it out of the box and assemble it as it came from the factory except for a set of pedals.  If you have ever bought a decent bike, there are always two things that, regardless of how much you spent on the bike, two things that are completely low-end shit………..pedals and handlebar grips. So in my mind, putting a decent set of pedals on a new bike is a necessity – not a custom build.

This little beauty has remote-controlled suspension so no more getting off the bike to change settings for ‘road’ – ‘trail’ or ‘balls out mental’, it’s all done on the left hand handlebar with the gentle flick of a lever.

It is of course nearly October which also means the Yanks are already preparing for Halloween – God Bless them!  Me, I am looking forward to a Boulder Break!


Enjoy the photos in the album ‘New Bike’


This has to be the coolest Ute I have ever layed eyes on



Firstly, and most excitedly, my new FHRITP T-shirt has arrived – I look forward to posting a selfie in it soon.

Secondly, I got told off tonight at MMA for apparently hitting too hard while sparring. Now, don’t think I am getting all Adolf Hitler or to a lesser degree, Mel Gibson on you but there is this old Jewish guy that I sometimes spa with.  Now he hits quite hard for an old fella.  I normally let the first one go, then he gets me with the next one and then the third one comes in.  Now, three hard ones in a row in my book is a request to play harder.  We can all misjudge one, maybe stumble on the second and add a bit of power but three is an open invite.  So after taking the third one in the face, I gave him a bit of a twat around his ear, rocked him on his feet after which he stops, holds his head (presumably counting the tweety birds that are circling it) and asks for a rest, telling me I hit too hard.  Straight off again he gives me a couple of good ones so I give him another tweety bird up the side of the face and stop the fucker in his tracks. Now me, I just want to play fair but someone always wants to up the ante.

Thirdly – I want to tell you about my 16km (10 mile) circuit I have been running.  For those of you that are not on runkeeper, let me tell you all about it.  5 days ago, I took just over 3 minutes out of my 16k time.  While writing about it, I mentioned that there was more time to come out of that – I was sure. I wasn’t wrong.  Last night I pulled my Brooks Glycerin shoes on, waiting until the top of the hour had passed so the draw bridge wouldn’t stop me , and started my run.  The first part is always painful, up and over the bridge and down towards the sea front, but once down on the flat, I can stretch my legs and really get a wiggle on.  I knew I was running harder than normal, my breathing was noticeably more intense.  It’s normal for me to drop my pace so that I am not even out of breath but last night was pretty full on, I wanted a couple of minutes out of the time.

My ear buds started slipping around, even filling with sweat from inside the ear until they short out and I have to remove them and blow the sweat out of them to get the sound back. Shirt off just over half distance and the evening is cooling – next target is Las Olas Boulevard and the bridge – once I am over the bridge, I consider myself on the homeward stretch – albeit still around 2.5 miles to go.

I hit my wall at around 8 miles, right next to the swimming pool and then, Machinehead by Bush comes on – the perfect uplifting track to keep me going – and keep going is what I do.  As I pushoff Seabreeze Avenue (or as Vanilla Ice would call it – A1A Detroit Avenue) onto SE 17th St, I spy a couple of chicks way up ahead of me – I thought I would never catch them – but catch them I did!

I passed them on the uphill side of 17th St Bridge and then once crested, I noticed another chica on the downhill side – could I pass her before the end of the bridge?  You bet I can – I nailed it, running like  a bank robber until I got back to the boat and stopped the clock.

So, on 4th September, I ran this route in 1h 34 minutes – September 19th I managed an impressive  1h 31 minutes, 3 minutes faster – last night, I managed it in 1h 26 minutes, another 5 minutes (and 20 seconds) off my best time.  I was happy but man alive was I tired.  I managed to get out of bed for the gym this morning but my rowing speed was massively down on normal.

All that said – I want to give a shout out to my OLDER SISTER who hasn’t posted anything on Runkeeper for some time. I would also like you all to consider the prospect of a Leamington Parkrun early in December – think about it, get a baby sitter, clear your work diaries and let’s do it.

Less than one month until I hit Boulder, Colorado




Did anyone watch the Kasabian gig last night on the iTunes festival?………….man alive, did they rock!  Not to late to watch it if you missed it, but what were you thinking?

Today, I had a hair cut, courtesy of a local Cuban barber – did a damn fine job too I think. So impressed was I, I left him a $4 tip – and if you read my recent post on tipping in the states you will fully understand that this is a good haircut.

New bike is on the way and on Thursday evening, I also managed to take over 2 minutes out of my 16k time round Fort Lauderdale.  I actually think that as autumn comes in and things cool down some more, I can get even more time out of it too.  For those Runkeeper chums – keep an eye on your activities, don’t be falling behind too far – you may never catch up again.

Trip to Boulder in Colorado is now firmly on the cards, flights booked with Delta Airlines.  Let me tell you about Delta Airlines, for a while now, they have been my favourite American Airline but I think they may fall foul soon.  So I found a ticket, $280 return – not too shabby.  I could upgrade to first class for a total of $700 – I decided against it then started reserving my seats with extra leg room because I am a lanky twat. An additional $200 – Crikey, I thought – might just have been better going for the first class ticket after all.  I clicked on purchase, and the web did just that.  When my confirmation came in, seems I managed to purchase my ticket WITHOUT hold baggage – that’s another $25 each way.  So I am within $150 of the first class ticket that would have given me the baggage, priority boarding, free food and drinks and maybe other benefits too.  Problem is, they never told me about the hold luggage at all – the sneaky fuckers.

I hate that – very short sighted.  Lets talk rental cars in Boulder.  Hertz & Avis quote includes full insurance, go to Enterprise and you can only spec the full insurance at collection so you can’t compare prices fully.  So I backed away from Enterprise immediately.  That said, Avis price was almost half of Hertz – what’s going on there?

Either way – I just looked at the weather for Boulder & Colorado in general – first snowfall usually starts in September – might be pretty chilly by the time I get there at the end of October – Might need some warmer gear – something different than the Floridian shirt and shorts. Ooops!


Christmas is just around the corner


%d bloggers like this: