Lets get this monster moan out of the way immediately.
Tonight I went to a place called Markham Park with my mountain bike and one of the crew from the boat in front of us. When we got there, I was in trouble – no helmet! If I am honest, I never wear one, my choice, and many of you say it is a stupid choice I know, wearing a helmet hasn’t done much for Mr. Schumacher now has it. In fact if you believe the press, wearing a helmet with a go pro attached has caused all of his damage, but that is for another posting.
Anyway – when we got there, signed everywhere, helmets mandatory. I pushed ahead – fearful that at any point someone would call in SWAT and have them waiting for me at the exit gate, lights flashing, tear gas popping, military spec hardware ready to take me down as they shout ‘stop resisting – stop resisting’, helicopters buzzing overhead, drones tracking my every move and a bright orange jump suit with hand and ankle shackles and a private jet direct to Guantanamo Bay – the fucking pricks!
After around 30 minutes on the trails, I had heard enough – every muppet that we met would tell me I should be wearing a helmet – every one of them. I am sure in bars, homes and internet chat rooms all over Florida tonight, there will be wide assed yanks talking about the criminally insane English man that rode Markham without a skid lid. For fucks sake – leave me alone you twats ! One kind local offered to cycle us out to the exit so that we didn’t threaten their cycling privileges.
The biggest bollocks of it all – they weren’t black runs you soft Floridian cunts – some of them vaguely resembled red runs – VAGUELY! but dare to call them black? No wonder the black community get annoyed with white americans – they don’t know what black is !
As you might have noticed from tonight’s post, I am a little peeved – actually that is an understatement – I am very annoyed, close to livid even. I will be very glad to see the back of ‘America – fuck Yeah’ in 7 weeks time. My only hope is that when I get away from Florida later this month, being somewhere more rugged like Colorado might restore my faith in the stars and stripes. We will be there over Halloween, maybe I should have some fun with that to relieve the pain of today?
I can’t be bothered to write any more