Category Archives: Goose Freckles

Evolution

Strange how things move on.  Years ago, it would have been a car or bike engine i would have had apart on my kitchen table.  Modern times of course, it has to be my laptop.  Even though i have a new one on the way, i decided to rip this one apart and see if i could get to the bottom of that faulty right click option.

The good news is – i did, so i can now begin posting those old retro emails before the arrival of the mac.

I have decided that when it arrives, i will open it and put it on charge and then leave it until our next charter on 26th December before i start playing with it.  Everyone else will be busy and i wont, so it will be a good time for some self tuition.

Drop by again soon for the first edition of ‘Retro’


Return of the Mac!

I finally did it – please don’t call me fashionable, or not even fashionably late, but today in Philipsburg, i found a guy that can sell me a mac with a spanish keyboard. It was a little over 2 grand (USD – so not too bad) and it would have been here tomorrow if only tomorrow wasn’t thanksgiving.

For many of you, this will mean nothing, for me, it means i can begin posting my historical stuff that i talked about the other day. This wonderful Packard Bell has lost the ability to right click so cut and paste has been hard. Yes, i know there is a hotkey combo for both of these functions, i know it well on an english keyboard but this one too is spanish !

I will inevitably have it apart and see if i can fix it, i did manage to fix the disc drive when that went tits up so i may be lucky. Then, the poor old thing will be retired to surfing porn sites while i keep the mac for serious stuff.

I heard a seriously good quote the other day – i am just waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it

‘You couldn’t hit a cows arse with a banjo’

priceless – countdown to mac time


Retro

Mid flow on my email clean up, i found some old retro pre-blog emails from as early as 2004.  I have decided to start adding them here as a stark reminder of how much has changed in the last 6 years.  One thing that kicks me right in the nuts is my car.  Back then, it was a Vauxhall Carlton 2.0CDX – automatic with cruise and electric everything all round.  The car cost 280 quid and i happily spunked it all the way down from england to portugal with my whole life inside. The orignal love bus!!

Now, i have spent a fortune on a quite modern mondeo which also turned out to be a bit of a shit heap.  Back then, i was easily pleased – I loved that Carlton, it was just a very cool cruiser.  I think my style has also changed with my car and i have certainly lost some of that carefree element that i had back then.

I want it back but first, i have a house to build.

Retro coming soon


Plain English

I have just been taking a peek at a few other blogs.  I do find it weird, i wonder if people do actually talk like they write – i doubt it.  If they did, i just don’t think people would talk to them, toss them off as boring twats.

But people still do it.  Come on, think about it – have you ever read a review of a bands latest release and thought ‘ what the fuck was all that about’ – i did it recently when looking on itunes at the new skunk anansie album and found myself questioning what these wankers had for breakfast.

Sorry for my language – personally i like to keep my english simple and free from big words or strange metaphores that people have to question rather than understanding my passage.  Sure, at times, my blogs can be boring as hell – normally that is when i am in work mode but generally i say it like i see it and translate that without confusion.

Enough

Lets talk nonsense for a bit.  I am totally miffed that those smart arses at microsoft didnt/couldnt give me the option to grab all of my photos from my old blog.  A full history of being an ex-pat for 6 years lost in an instant.  It really is time to consider a mac but i am scared of being labelled a fashionable wanker by all of the pc users out there.  We will see what the future brings.

Today we heard that we face a 6 week lay over in Puerto Rico.  Nice i say – i always wanted to go there and was tantalisingly close as we steamed past the island last week. St Maarten is a bore and something of a shit hole.  If you ever get the chance to go there – head for the french side.  Infact, if you ever find yourself in the caribbean for any length of time, head for the french islands – they just taste better – a bit like burger king.

The boss is leaving us on thursday, a good 5 days earlier than expected – so we get to go to St Maarten again earlier than expected (hurrah for that). I am hoping that my dive computer has arrived and also hoping to firm up some dates with the lucious Lana so that not only can we indulge in some very energetic bedroom gymnastics but she will also bring with her, my dive gear.  I can’t imagine 6 weeks in Puerto Rico without dive gear.  Sadly, i didn’t have room/time/a car to get my surfboards from Portugal before we left so unless they have rentals – its all underwater action for me.

Time for bed i think

Sleep well


New Arrival

Here comes the boss – well tomorrow evening anyway.

Will be interesting to meet the guy and see what he is like.  I have heard that it can be a lonely life being super rich – well this dude is coming out here on his lonesome!  seems the beetles were right huh.

Have been on board now for getting close to two months, and i have to say that i am working my arse off again – over worked and underpaid is right on the button.  It has to be the worst maintained boat I have ever landed on.  Even worse than that old shitter Yanekee Too, and that was rough.

Thankfully i only gave a 6 month comittment when i joined and i am certainly feeling that i will be itching to get off by the time the 6 months are up.

Whats more – i am really missing my woman.  Not very often in my life have i made such a statement. I dont even know if she reads my new blog, she could be one of the 45 – who knows.  Hey Lana !

So tomorrow, i have to wear my uniform for the first time, white shorts, white shirt, white shoes and epaulettes with three gold stripes and a gold propeller – am i going to look like a complete twat or what ?  Answers on a post card please or better still, leave a comment on my new blog place, i am still learning the whole thing.

wayne


The times they are a changing !

well i finally did it – with a little helping shove from those wankers at microsoft – i registered my own domain name and here i am – maybe with a completely fresh attitude to blogging once more.

Of course – a forced change would not be complete without me loosing something – yep, all my photos that have amassed in the last 6 years will not be transferred over, infact i am still unsure if i can even add photos on here but i will be trying hard.

I may have a little time on my hands to investigate this too – we are currently sitting in St Maarten waiting to leave for the Dominican Republic.  I know how exciting that sounds to you guys over there in europe (except of course my canadian and south african readers) but the Caribbean is boring as hell.

We may even make it to the States for New Year – fuck yeah !!

But for now let me go and sleep – this old boat is causing me to work harder than ever before


Time to go back to work

 
The summer ended, but then i guess it had to sometime.  I am a lucky shit sometimes.  I havent worked now for 4 whole months and i have enjoyed it all.  3 months at home in Portugal enjoying the sunshine, surf and of course diving, and just one month in grey old blighty doing some more training and getting ripped off.
 
6 job offers came my way and i turned them all down.  Then, one of the turn downs came back to me with better terms so i took it.  I am now sitting in Brussels waiting for Lana to come home, on Tuesday i fly to Malta to meet the boat.  From there its a short trip to Mallorca for a couple of weeks before crossing the atlantic once more to Dominican Republic for Christmas.  Should be back in Europe again for around April next year.
 
I was hanging in there for the new build in Holland but time lead me to thinking it wasn’t going to happen so opted for the stinky instead.
 
I was checking my dive log books while packing them.  I managed to pull 60 dives while at home.  Jammy that i am, i didn’t pay for any of them – that would have cost 2500€ – instead i worked at the dive centre for a while, converting working time into dive courses for my friends.  Colin managed to pass his PADI Open Water, Dean his PADI Scuba Diver, I have also left 4 discover scuba courses on credit for Uwe, Frannie, Sven and Ms Beckenbauer.
 
The new project for the house seems to be flying along.  All documents are in my hands now, I only have to wait for the local council to do their bit.  That might take a little while longer but i am ok with that, i don’t want to begin building until April or May 2011.  I am starting to look at specification for everything, including solar power and air conditioning, on top of house appliances and their current draw to keep consumption down.  Its all very in depth!
 
I am looking forward to having a warm dry house whenever i return from my travels.
 
So it is, the Dominican Republic for Christmas – I do really hope we don’t head to Antigua, I got so fecking bored of sitting there for 4 months earlier this year, it really is a bit of a shit hole, that is unless you are a typical yachtie that likes to get pissed off your head, coke’d off your tits or shagged by anything you can find.  So new adventures ahead.
 
watch this space

Why oh Why Oh why

 
Can i not access or even find my page on google chrome but can still find it on explorer 8 ? And more curious – why is explorer 8 so fecking slow without an explanation from microsoft?
 
Personally i think its a conspiracy but i am no tekkie so can’t prove it.  I have my suspicions though.  I was even considering a move to a Mac but if i can’t get my blog page on there, what is the point?  Maybe its time to buy my own domain name and transfer my blog across?  tell me what you think.
 
 
Enough of that –  lets talk about sharks.  For a few weeks now, the local fishermen have been talking about sightings of hammer head sharks a couple of clicks off the coast.  I of course, thought it was just fishermens tales, maybe even in an effort to drum up some business from shark fishing trips, but yesterday, with my own eyes, about 20 metres from the dive boat as we were getting out, i saw the fin and tail of what i guess was a 3 metre hammerhead shark.
 
(please wait while i call my sister and wish her a happy birthday)
 
No answer – answerphone – is it cool to leave birthday wishes on an answerphone ?
 
Anyway, since my sighting, i have been talking with others.  There have been reports of pods of up to 12 sharks at a time.  Today when the dive boat got back in, there was even a rumour that the maritime police were considering closing the beaches because of the sharks.
 
If you think thats wierd…………the other weekend, while sleeping, i heard the sound of bells and hoofs.  Of course at first i thought i was having one of my wierdo dreams which keep me amused at night.  When the sound continued, and i realised i was awake, i got up, opened the front door to be greeted by a herd of goats on my terrace.  If that wasn’t wierd enough, a boxer short clad Uwe (my house mate) was already in the garden with a stick, beating a plastic lid like a symbol to try and round up the goats and drive them out of the garden.  Some people take drugs to see things like that – me, i just live in the algarve!  It was reminiscent of the Victor Meldrew episode ‘One Foot in the Algarve’.
 
Its been too long since i last blogged but i blame technology for that, if i can’t get to my page, how can i write on it?  How can you get in touch with someone to get some help, when the company is as big as microsoft?  The Abyss !!!!
 
Anyway, my holidays must soon come to an end, i can’t stay here for ever just yet.  I have started the process of looking for work, there are two new builds i have a great interest in, i am just waiting to hear.  Failing that, a trip to Mallorca is on the cards.
 
Lana is coming soon, havent seen her for over a month now and its getting tough ( i refrained from using the word ‘hard’ for obvious reasons).  I have made almost 50 dives since arriving home in july, been a busy few months but soon it will all come to an end.  September is reserved for sufing and job hunting only.
 
After that – who knows
 
 
Keep the faith Susan
 
 
 
 
 

Old Habits

 
They die hard !
 
Once my staple diet of  being an ex-pat, was blogging every sunday without fail – well here i am again.
 
It is fair to say i have the stoke tonight.  Due to south coast swell, scuba was greatly reduced so i got the day off.  I used this well to my advantage. Up at 06.30 this morning and headed to mareta.  Small wave with no-one in, ideal!  I did slip up though and forgot my PSP (pre-surf poo) so had to head back to the ranch to let one go.  After that, it was on.  Hit the surf at 07.30 on the left at Mareta and had it all to myself until i got out just after 9 !!!!  There is nothing worse in the world than laying on your stomach for an hour when you need a dump, especially when you have to get in and out of the spak vest unaided.
 
Mooched around for the rest of the day, fired up the barbie for lunch and then tonight, with the 10´2´´ and the 9´6´´ charger on the roof i headed back to Mareta. Small and mushy, the sun was setting. I was in two minds whether to do it or not when i bumped into Chris from the dive school.  He too was in two minds but i pointed out that i had two big ones on the roof (and i am not talking about Lana’s tits). The temptation was too much for him.
 
First wave, in all of my excitement i forgot the rules………
 
1. furthest out
2. nearest the curl
3. first to their feet
 
I dropped in on Chris.  He tried to bail but wasn’t used to big boards and long leashes.  I felt the drag as my 9 incher spiked through the rail on his (mine really) board.  Shit happens i guess – reminiscent of the old days at Barriga when Alex Faggotpants pulled a similar move and i cracked the 8´6´´ groovy as i tried to spin my nose over his head in a desperate attempt to avoid a collision.
 
We surfed until dark and a little bit more, until the tide had dropped to low and the wave just wasn’t working any more – man, that was fun.  I havent had that much fun since i set fire to the old railway embankment when i was 10 years old!  And remember – its August, the place is full of tourists.  Fortunately for me, they dont have the sense to figure out the tide times and know the best time to go to the beach, they just go there all day, waste all of their energy on shit waves and then go home just as i am arriving – praise the lord for fuckwits !!
 
There is one downside though. As the water temp was 22ºc, i was in my shorts.  This posed a problem.  Erect nipples and surf wax with impregnated sand – close to bleeding but not quite – at least all the nipple hair and chest hair have been freshly plucked, next time i may go naked again and get the ball bag silky smooth too!
 
So tomorrow, i might go for more of the same, i havent heard  from the dive school so i must assume there is nothing on tomorrow either and if there is still south swell, just as you groms are getting up for work, i will be in my shorts, surfing the atlantic once more!
 
Life is still good, even at 40 !
 
So i think i have waffled enough for now, let me drop a few hello’s before i leave
 
Steve & Nic
Max – as always
Lexa – could i ever forget
Uwe – i have more damage !!
Kati – first time, but she is always so happy, cheerful and beautiful
Andrè – sort yourself out you pissed up twat – i dont appreciate head ons at 07.15 on sunday mornings
Viscount & Van Pelt – now officially an item
Jones – you prick !!
Milf Horley
Red Vennard
Bos
 
 
Çiao monkeys
 
xxx
 
 

Let us Blog !

 
Yesterday was something of a desperate day for me.  After my deep wreck dive in the morning my 700 dollar dive computer shat itself then in the afternoon to add insult to injury, my two dutch students couldn’t make it underwater to try their scuba.  Such was my dismay at the latter that i offered my time free again this afternoon to correct this.  I am now very pleased to say that all is well.  the two dutch students have succeeded in their first dive, albeit very shallow, and my dive computer had enough function back today to use it again.  I am hoping the computer remains good as i didn’t keep the original receipt, probably a good thing as i bought it in St Maarten so it would cost as much to send it back for repair – either way, i cannot be without it during august.
 
The Groms have now left and are safe and secure in the asylum called England.  Colin managed to complete his PADI open water diver, Dean, due to being a complete faggot, got sick and couldn’t finish his but did manage enough to get his scuba diver certificate so all in all, not a bad result.
 
I have been working with the dive school to help pay for dean and colin’s courses.  Most of my work has been with kids in the pool, showing them how to use scuba gear for a quick swim around the pool and occasionally managing to convince the parents that the kids are good enough to go to the ocean and try some more.
 
But that was yesterday now – it has taken me overnight to complete this entry.
 
I want to tell you about the amazing sunset session i just scored at ingrina.  South coast swell is always welcome.  I tried ingrina as the tide was dropping but i was too early.  Mareta was full of groms and Martinhal just wasn’t having it.  So i turned back to ingrina, the beach was empty, the sun low in the sky.  I watched the sets coming in and initially wasnt impressed.  I boosted my PMA and suited up.  I can now get the e-bomb on unaided.  from this point forward it will be referred to as the spak vest, purely and simply due to the shapes i have to pull to get the damn thing on and off again.  So , with the spak vest on, i waxed up and went out – the whole fecking beach to myself.  It was heaven.  I was soon joined by two spanish dudes but they were hanging too far out on short boards to bother me or catch a decent ride.
 
But enough said, i had some good rides, tried some new footwork (thanks to scratching the surface) and impressed myself with my learning abilities whilst in my forties.
 
Completely knackered, i got out and even managed to get out of the spak vest without assistance – damn those trendy surfers – whatever happened to a straight forward old fashioned wet suit ? put the stereo on while i boarded up and chose a very cool album – Space, Ibiza 2009. perfect sunset tunes, all i was missing was a cold one but still, it was one of those blissed out moments that we look for all of our lives.  when you work arm deep in human shit, or deal with bullshit beaurocracy (did i spell that right? i can’t be arsed to check it).  You work so hard for it, i take it whenever i can – thank you very much!!!
 
A perfect end to my first leg of summer
 
tomorrow i have to be up at 3am – off to Brussels for a week to see the lucious Lana.  Its been a month now and i am more than happy to say that a visit is well over due. I pity the fool that has to sit next to me on the aeroplane – the camerá have turned off my water by mistake so i wont be able to shower in the morning, infact i might just stay awake!!
 
More Belgian beer incoming! A belgian once told me a joke – i appologise for the language now!
 
whats the connection between english beer and making love in a canoe??
 
It’s fucking close to water !!!
 
Those fools at microsoft decided to fix something that wasn’t broken – they removed the hit counter! I am sure we have now surpassed the 30,000 mark and we also celebrated our 5th birthday last month here on ‘The November Archives’.
 
I want to finish by saying hello to Lexa & Max (alphabetical order) neither of whom i have heard from in a long long time.
 
keep blogging and choose life !