Tag Archives: bali

Could be – Soon enough

Been a hectic week.  Late last week we got word that the local volcano was showing signs of activity.  Earlier this week an earthquake close to one of the neighbouring islands triggered a Tsunami warning and then this morning I woke up to hear that the local authorities have raised the volcano threat to level 4 – eruption imminent.

To add to those natural woes, I also suffered a burst hot water tank on Wednesday night, flooding two cabins below and trashing some very expensive  audio gear.  Life’s good.

I have never been close to an active volcano before so I am actually contemplating hitting the road in the early hours with the scooter to take a closer look.  There is currently an exclusion zone in place at 6km but that might just be close enough – that little 125 scooter has a top speed of just 100 kph!

Poor old Rosie had her bag snatched the other night while on the back of a scooter.  Bali is not the paradise you might have believed.  Took her bag, bank cards, cash and new phone and vanished into the evening darkness.

Now here’s a tune from back in the day.

Had that blasting on thursday night as I finished putting the galley together after the water tank failure.

 

Talking of galley – we have a new stewie on board, I have my concerns. She joined 5 days ago and the very next day we had to travel to Singapore for a visa run.  We had time to talk unfortunately.  She said something to me that always, ALWAYS sets alarm bells ringing in my head.

‘I have travelled to 49 countries’

That saying, the quantifying of how much someone has travelled usually sends a shiver down my spine, makes me roll my eyes and go and talk to someone else.  This time was no different.  I have an issue with it because it then makes me think that those people only travel so that they can brag about it.  Great that they have actually done it rather than lie about it but I feel sad for them if they are only going to the effort of travel for bragging rights. That line is a clear indicator that someone is just full of guff.

I have travelled quite a bit.  I feel no need to brag about it, in fact, I suspect I am deliberately coy about it.  I have absofuckinglutely no idea how many countries I have been to – even if I sat down with an atlas and spun around the world, I am sure I would forget some of them – but I feel no need to share where I have been, with one exception – if you asked me specifically if I had been somewhere, then I would talk about it.

The same person then began to wank on about surfing and where they had surfed, then scuba diving came up, again wanking on about how this place was good, that place was good blah bla blah bla blah.  I just kept quite, couldn’t even be arsed to join in.

Generally I don’t mind talking about that shit when it naturally flows into conversation, I will share my experiences equally – but when its all about you trying to tell me just how fucking cool you are – I couldn’t really give a monkeys – keep it to yourself love.

Anyway, I digress.  The reason why this girl came to mind was when my water tank burst.  My alarms started ringing at 5am – I was up and ripping the galley apart to get to the offending water heater – typically boat builders put these in shit places and then build the boat around them – this was no exception.  So by 7 am, I had at least stopped the flow of water and was having a cup of tea in the crew mess.  Two hours of pulling the cupboards, walls, machinery apart in the galley – this girl walks through the place and down to the crew mess where I am sipping a well earned cup of PG.  Her first words to me after walking through what must have looked like a war zone??

Did you sleep OK?

Really ????  What do you think love, its 7am and the galley looks like a battlefield – do you think it fell apart over night?  Sometimes I think we give too much space on this planet to fucktards then another thought crossed my mind.  Maybe the number is 49 as the first 48 just wanted to get shot of her?

I also learned that she has offered to make a claim on her insurance for Rosie’s phone that was stolen and she has just sent her drivers license back to Oz to take some points for a speeding ticket a friend has just received as he already has the max points on his license.  I wonder how long this girl will last.

It was at this point I wanted to insert a clip from an old movie ‘Restless Natives’ but Youtube has failed me miserably.  A great film from the 80’s about the Clown and the Wolfman robbing tourist coaches on a Suzuki GP100. The soundtrack played by Big Country, you should go and look it up.

Now the Suzuki GP125 was the bike to have back then but these boys opted for the smaller 100cc version.  Pre dating the hugely successful Suzuki GP125 was the learner friendly Yamaha FS1E or ‘fizzy’ as it was lovingly referred to by spotty petrol heads of its time.  These two stroke pocket rockets were every teenage boys dream back then.

There – that cleared the air I think.  I feel better now, might even order another coffee.

If it is movies with great soundtracks you are looking for, I make two recommendations

Grosse Point Blank – with the supremely divine Minni Driver & of course Donnie Darko (Directors Cut) with Jake & Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Want to see Maggie at her best? Stranger than Fiction is the movie for you. Will Ferrel delivers one of the best lines in the history of movies – if you don’t understand the joke, rent the movie.  If you don’t agree it is one of the best lines in movie history – you are wrong.

Now, those chicks may be hot, they may be famous and they may be rich but they are definitely no SJ

 

Game On !!

 


And as quick as a flash

It was gone – 5 weeks of holiday disappeared in the blink of an eye.  In my terms, an unproductive month to say the least – or was it ….?

I was a little miffed that I didn’t get to see my old mucker and avid reader Conor over in Northampton, but I did get to catch up with some other good old buggers so it wasn’t a complete write off. I really wanted to have a rip in his bug but will have to be next time now.

I am in the luxury of an Ibis Budget hotel at Birmingham airport with a pint of John Smith’s Smooth, reminiscing over the last month or so.  I must confess that I thought maybe I had gone the whole month without writing a page here but then I saw the last post which was most definitely this month with the knee photos and the killer Courtney Love vid.

Glad to say that the knee is making a great recovery now and better still, the doc and the physio think I could be running again in 3 months – that would be absofuckinglutely fabulous – I miss running.  My waistline does too  – without those extra calorie burns, I am a good 7kgs too heavy – that’s a stone and a little bit to you old timers!

Now, I did have the absolute pleasure of meeting a very tasty young lady while I was off.  See, when you get to my age, it’s all MILF’s and GILF’s – I am very VERY pleased to say I have encountered my very first GILF and thoroughly enjoying it!  I am also hoping it will be my only GILF encounter if you fully understand what I mean.  Can’t tell you too much right now but as things unravel, I will share more.  Needless to say she is smoking hot and has my fullest attention.

Moving on from nurses, let’s talk about eBay for a moment.  You may remember me putting my beloved Range Rover up for sale.  Inevitably I got the usual spaztards with the ’10 grand cash by the weekend’ bollocks – I don’t play well with spaztards if I am honest – so imagine this – some complete wanker messages me simply saying ‘£8000?’  That was it – his whole complete message.

Naturally I had an epiphany and responded exactly as such an insult deserved.  Screen dump below – read it from the bottom up – he even had the audacity to call me a gentleman afterwards – the prick !

 

I think you might call that ‘not suffering fools gladly’ ??

So tomorrow morning I start the long hard slog back to Thailand.  I still have no idea where I will meet the boat but will rest easy in the first class section of both legs of the flight – actually, come to think of it, I still need to find a hotel for Tuesday night.

A couple of days in Thailand and then we head to Singapore.  It’s all new to me but there is one thing I am extremely mindful of.  There is a section of the trip that runs through the Straights of Malacca – now apparently this is rife with piracy so please keep an eye on the news to see if we make it safely through.  If you hear about some mad English fool that used a home made flame thrower to fight off a pirate attack – that will most definitely be me!  If I don’t make it out alive – don’t send flowers but do drink a Belgian beer or two!

After surviving Singapore for a couple of months, we sail for Bali – Are you at all jealous yet ?

Special thanks to those who came out to the Merchants Inn on Friday night – it was good to see each and every one of you.  Thanks for the beer and the hang over that followed.


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