Tag Archives: stockel

What – no Top Gear ?

Just settling down for a sunday evening in front of the TV, Sunday 8pm, BBC2 Top Gear – but not tonight.  Seems that Jezza has overstepped the mark.  Poor old fella!  Personally, I think he could be a huge premadonna so I can believe all that I am hearing. I do predict that tomorrow though – the news will be full of stories about Mr Clarkson NOT renewing his contract with the beeb.  To really push the boat out, I reckon Hammond and May will stay on and Top Gear will continue with a similar format.  It does get a bit boring watching them smoking tyres out on dream cars, with the predictable punch lines and especially when they ask the audience if they want to see the lap in the  ‘star in a reasonably priced car’ segment – of course they do………..time for a change I think.  Tonight I am sampling a new program called ‘Off their Rockers’.

More toilet talk – I picked up a pack of Belgium’s finest bog roll the other week, all different designs.  One that took my fancy straight away was a roll with a drawing of a pile of poo on alternate sheets (almost mis-spelled that ), underneath the cartoon pile was the word ‘Happens’.  I kinda liked that – ‘Shit Happens’  quite apt for a toilet roll.  Then I noticed another roll had a cartoon face of a Lion (or Cat – I couldn’t tell which) with the words in Portuguese underneath that translated to ‘ Very Nice to see You’.  I thought that was a bit weird, dragging that across your butt hole but then this week I noticed the best yet.  Pictures of hands making shapes that signified letters of the alphabet – I assumed they were sign language but thankfully, under each drawing of a hand was the letter being signed.  I pulled a few sheets off the roll to reveal the full phrase, I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U  drag that across ring piece of your nearest and dearest to show how much you care.

So recently I have been to-ing and fro-ing from Brussels a lot – late night drives to avoid traffic congestion. Traffic just does my head in and if you plan badly you get traffic on the M25 and also on the RO (the Brussels M25 equivalent) at the other end. Usually this means a 10pm ferry, arriving in Dunkirk at 1am local time followed by a two-hour spurt into Brussels.  The other night I got into some morbid thinking about death on the long run into the ring from Dunkirk.  To perk myself up I started flicking through my iTunes playlist until I found something I really liked.  I found the mighty Biffy Clyro & 27. Singing my heart out I was fully prepared to play it again if it finished before I made it to the house but there was an ace in the pack, a very big ace.

As I approached Stockel Square, Biffy faded out and was replaced by Robbie feckin Williams with ‘Angels’.  It was 3am and I was definitely going to be at the house before this song had finished so I dropped both front windows on the car, pumped up the volume and started singing at the top of my voice.  I had time in hand, that was clear, so I circled the market square 3 times that morning – singing my bollocks off in the most out of tune manner you have ever heard in your life.  Think about the worst karaoke you ever heard – that was me.  It was like holding both middle fingers up to those boring french speaking fuckers of Belgium. IT FELT GOOD!! I hope I woke all of them up.

Friday saw the final chapter in Belgium close as we handed back the house there. I will miss having such a huge forest right on my doorstep but new chapters beckon, new adventures are always just around the corner.  Tonight I went for a run taking in a little amount of road before heading into the fields, aiming for the canal towpath somewhere between Kilsby and Barby.  I did finally make the towpath as the light was fading fast.  I missed a turn halfway down a field and added a good half kilometer to my distance.  My OS maps app didn’t work so I had no choice but to back track and find where I had gone wrong.  Eventually on the tow path, the inevitable happened – I needed a dump !  Now, the non runners amongst you will never understand the link between running and dumping but please be assured there is a legitimate link – I certainly do not have a fetish for dropping a steaming coiler out in the nature – sometimes it just can’t be avoided.  Thankfully this time, I had a packet of Handy Andy’s with me so my underwear and hat were safe.

Staying with running – I did manage a new personal best at Saturday’s Parkrun in Coventry’s War Memorial Park.  I ran my lungs out to take over 45 seconds out of my best time.  I was more than a little miffed though – on the last half of the second lap, two other runners that I correctly guessed were in my age group overtook me.  This is a problem for two reasons.  Firstly, anyone that is older than me or younger than me that is in front of me, is a target. I just can’t be beaten by anyone close by that is older or younger (yes I know that is everyone) but could I catch and pass them before the finish line ? Could I bollocks !  The second reason for this being a problem for me was that as they overtook me – they were having a conversation FFS!  If that is not adding insult to injury, I don’t know what is.  I do wonder though – if they applied my theory of ‘if you have enough air left to talk, you ain’t running hard enough’ – just how fast a time could they make ?  Anyway – I managed a respectable 77th place out of a field of 504 runners but I did get beaten by two chicks, and when I say beaten – I mean given a jolly good arse kicking !

But I keep trying – remember, there are two Great North Runs on my agenda this year.

Next week I return to St Maarten in the Caribbean before setting sail on yet another transatlantic crossing for Mallorca.  Transatlantic crossings are very boring. 16 days or so with not a great deal to do although I always say it’s better to have a boring 16 days than 16 days of fighting for your life.

 


Verity McCoy – Where are you ?

This will be a long one – best make a cuppa right now.

Let me start off with the inevitable – England football team.  As always a complete shower of shit, at least they are consistent.  Do they not appreciate the fact that we, the people, cannot survive on a world cup victory from before I was born, we need several more.  I never fully understood the mentality of the English National Team, but let me explain a little.  Below is a clipping from the BBC website from the morning of the Uruguay match (before the game was even starting) – just have a quick read

How to win at football

How to win at football

 

Now, please call me old-fashioned but I for one assumed that the best way to win the world cup was to go to the stadium, get your kit on and then realise that the you have to win every fecking game you play instead of looking for the strangest, most convoluted way around loosing and still getting through.  That’s just me though, a common sense, no-nonsense midlands boy – what would I know?

There are also some benefits of being an ex pat.  Last week we headed into the centre of Brussels to watch their team play.  Everyone dressed in the national colours or flying the Belgian flag and no-one being called a racist for doing so.  It was a happy affair, all were jolly and most definitely a little drunk but all having a good time – AND THEY WON !!!!  It was a good experience.  Today, they play again at 13:00 so I will walk down to the square at the bottom of the street where they have a big screen, pull on my Belgian flagged jesters hat and ham it up with everyone else.  Last match saw an estimated 2500 people on the square so should be fun.  Kick off is not for a few hours yet, in fact it is only 08:30 but there is already one keen fan walking down the street blowing  a vuvuzela.

So England – stop fucking about and get on with it.  Remember though – Anyone but Scotland right?

Moving on

Currently resting after getting back from Brazil last week then spending 5 days entertaining guests that have just left for Paris this morning – hence the early posting.  I have had a little tourist plod around Belgium but also, some of you may find this hard to believe, that stinky swamp infested shit hole called London. A very famous wax museum, London Bridge, Tower Bridge, Tower of London, London Eye, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben & the Houses of Parliament.  I was impressed – for this little day and a half trip, I still had some small change from the 1 million pounds I took with me!

Actually, it wasn’t so bad.  Even found a Fish and Chip shop on Baker Street that served fish, chips and mushy peas for just over 50 quid for 4 people.  It was very tasty too.  A place called ‘Holmes’ very close to Baker St tube if you fancy it ?  I was impressed – I had 3 septics with me who all wanted to try the legendary fish and chip experience – I told them they also needed to try mushy peas and they weren’t disappointed.

The septics are now off to Paris for a week to meet some other family and then they will all do battle with the striking garlic munchers to get out of Paris again to  complete their holidays.  Train and Plane strikes to come this week. God bless the French – I often wonder why we didn’t just leave them for the Germans.

On a lighter note

The Magnificent Seven

You know who you are but for the benefit of others…….

Lana

Neal

Verity

Mush

Rupert

Lexa

Lynsey (spelt correctly you might note)

Connor

These are the recent competition winners and it gives me great pleasure to announce that your winners shirts have been dispatched and should all arrive within 1 week.  There is of course the required mandatory entry into the next competition – I need at least 3 photos of you all, while wearing your winners shirt. As the missus suggested when completing her competition entry, one of those photos should be a wet T-shirt photo and YES – that means the boys too!  So get your shirt on and get snapping – Remember, at least three (you can send more) and you must be wearing the shirt in all of them.  emailed to the usual address for me.  The winner of the ‘best photo’ will receive something very special by return.  Closing date will be in a few weeks time but don’t delay, click today.

Anyone with information as to the whereabouts of Mrs. Verity Smith (Nee McCoy) please let me know.  despite posting an entry for the competition, she has yet to be in touch again with her address for the winners shirt.

There are only 9 of these shirts in circulation, I have Nº 1, the other 8 are owned by the Magnificent Seven listed above. Clever bunnies will appreciate there are 8 names on the list – just remember, as competition rules go, my decision is always final and Connor is a very lucky boy.  I fully expect a stunning array of photos from him.

Later today, I will be watching the Austrian GP – an all Williams front row – I bet no-one saw that coming, most likely not even Massa (avoiding the obvious joke about the object that hit him a couple of years ago).  Good luck to them, that’s all I will say. My money is on ………………

 

Now please let me sleep for a while, I haven’t had a full nights sleep since we set sail from Ft Lauderdale, Florida on 19th May.  As I now have a month off, expect some epic adventure

 

 

 


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