Tag Archives: speed camera

Caught a bolt of lightening….

Some things we don’t appreciate until they are gone.  There is a very significant comedienne that fits this category.  I never really appreciated her when she was alive, maybe it was an age thing? By crikey this old bird was sharp.  Sharp, funny and not afraid to say what she wanted.

Stop for a moment and enjoy this old bird at her finest.

 

 

Yeah I know, not to everyone’s taste but by crikey she makes me laugh.

 

So – my silence. Let me explain.

 

Studying.  Taken over my life so far this year, certainly over the last 2 months or so.  I have been consumed with pushing myself to improve my marine licence and get onto bigger boats with a more acceptable schedule.  So for the last few days I have been in sunny Newcastle to sit what should have been my last two papers of the year.

Newcastle hasn’t been kind to me over the years.  A few years back you may remember I came up here for the Great North Run aiming for a 1 hour 45 min finish time, instead missing out by around 17 minutes.

On the way up on Tuesday afternoon, I triggered a speed camera on the motorway.  I reckon I was doing about 71mph when the gantry suggested only 60mph.  Doesn’t matter that there was sod all on the roads and sod all reason to issue the 60 limit.  I was over.  Amazes me to be able to do 30mph past a school at kicking out time but 70mph on a 4 lane motorway on a bright sunny afternoon when only 2 lanes are busy is a no no.

Yesterday, Newcastle continued to be unkind.  I was served up an exam paper that was an absolute fucker !  I am pretty sure I have not done enough to pass that one. A resit is on the horizon.

Its weird really because Newcastle and the locals are superb.  I have never met such a cannie bunch in all fairness.  As far as accents go, a geordie accent is as sweet and sexy as an East German.

I once worked with a geordie at LeasePlan, Brian Cairnes I think was his name.  He told me once, if you can master these 3 words in Geordie, you can master the whole lingo.  Try it for yourself

Kawasaki

Photocopier

Conjunctivitis

Anyway – I now have a few weeks to either get back to work or sit and wait for my results to come through.  There are a few things I would like to catch up on, including just seeing friends.  I have been so consumed over the last few months that I have seen no-one.

 

Is it just me or are Fire Engines getting smaller?  I was at the birds the other week.  As we pulled up, I could hear a smoke alarm.  I wandered to the bottom of the street and sure enough a house was on fire.  Being fully trained for that sort of shit I checked with the owner that everyone was out then had a cheeky gander myself to see if there was anything I could do.  In all fairness, everyone was out, no pets missing and the back bedroom was well alight so I retreated to the street to pass the info onto the brigade when it arrived.

I could hear the sirens in the distance, I knew the were coming.  Surely they could see the smoke too.  When they arrived – I was shocked.  That engine wasn’t much bigger than my Range Rover.  I also noticed at my local station that they too have one of these smaller units.  Maybe fires are just not as big as they used to be, all these flame retardant modern materials and stuff?

Silence over.  Maybe I will write some really interesting shit this summer.  Maybe I will find something that completely mesmerises me, maybe I will work on my fitness and lose some weight, maybe maybe maybe…….

 

I was reminiscing the other night, the good old days of early Saturday morning starts to be on the break in Cornwall by 9am.  The SRI Vectra dropped on its arse, boards on the roof and The Distillers for company on the 4 hour drive down. Leaning forward as we approached the ‘Welcome to Cornwall’ sign on the motorway then shouting at Mr Richer that ‘I was in Cornwall before you’.

So I guess I should treat you to Ms Brody Dalle………..hot hot hot hot hot.!

 

 

But remember, I am a classic Libran – perfect balance, a yin for the yang, a feng for your shui, a McDonalds for the Burger King.

So lets balance the musical mood with a Dance Classic from back in the day (you can see my previous rants about that phrase further down the page).  I remember this tune with fondness.  I was working in Royal Leamington Spa at the time, and , if I say so myself, it was an insanely buff period of my life – I turned heads even when fully clothed.  I went into a record shop (youngsters ask your parents about those!) and asked for this track by the artist.  So cool was my Mojo that the mofo behind the counter said ‘Who?’

 

Enjoy

 

 

They just don’t make ’em like that any more eh?

So what next I hear you ask?  A summer of indecision I think.  Do I work or wait for my notice of exam failure and get straight back on it?

I will let fate help me with that decision I think.  I have a few chores to catch up on at home, at the birds and the birds’ daughters so surely I can keep busy for a coupe of weeks at least? Hell I might even win the euromillions tonight.

 

But in case I don’t – I have a plan.  If you have a plan, stick to it.

 

 

 


Barcelona near miss

I have been thinking recently, dangerous I know.  Some of you will be aware that there is a speed camera just up the street from me.  The speed limit is 50kph and quite rightly so – but 50kph should be easy enough to reach on my bike right?  I have tried so hard to trip that bloody camera but I cannot get past 55kph which is probably right on the threshold for taking my photo.

The other afternoon, I even tried using a bus to reduce wind drag, undertaking it and popping out in front with probably 50 metres of road left before the sensors in the tarmac.  I popped out of the side, centered in the road and as I crossed the sensors, looked back over my left shoulder to see if it flashed – NADA!!!

I did see the bus driver smiling though as he realised what I was trying to do.  And that got me to thinking……….Maybe I could add to the list of eccentric English sports that are available

The Worthing Bird Man  – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4XQtphCd0w

Coopers Hill Cheese Rolling – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOyQBSMeIhM

World Shin Kicking Championships – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGXDwbzlJKw

How about ‘Tow in Speed Camera Baiting’ ? (Westwood’s gonna love this one – and I ain’t talking about Tim)  Similar to tow in surfing, where a jet ski is used to boost them into a wave too big to paddle into.  Obviously there would be points for tripping the camera in the first place, followed by style points for tripping it with a little flair and thirdly, as the sport is called ‘baiting’ – all competitors should be dressed as Badgers – points for the best costume.  Eventually we could get it into the Olympics too right?  I mean, if Mogul Skiing is allowed, tow in speed camera baiting should be fine too.  As a back up, my reserve sport would be Olympic Bonking. Simple rules – whoever comes first, looses!

Anyway, enough nonsense.  My reason for todays entry was to highlight a recent near miss at Barcelona Airport.  I wanted to point this out to you because I believe there has been a gross error in the quotation supplied to the BBC.  The beeb reported that …

The plane then lands safely on the runway shortly afterwards. Officials have denied passengers were in danger at any point.

Now, for me, having worked in Spain for several years and knowing the work ethic of the locals, I strongly suspect that the quote should have read as follows

The plane then lands safely on the runway shortly afterwards.  Officials have denied passengers or ground crew were in danger of being disturbed from their siesta at any point

But I have a link for you so that you can decide if you want to fly to Spain for your holidays in the near future

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PbIVO8TDq4

 

Lexa – let me have your address again to send another prize.

 

England by Thursday morning – if you feel like having a chat give me a call – 07500 562 776.  If I don’t answer, maybe there is some swell after all and I will be catching my first English wave in over a decade.  I will be visiting The Battle of Britain Memorial near to Dover on the way in, before heading to either Camber Sands Bay for a surf check (remember the Inbetweeners caravan trip) or up to Joss Bay, just outside of Margate.  I may then venture up to Cromer on the east coast in my efforts to find an english wave

Still no sign of Verity – and I haven’t heard from Max in a long time either – where is everyone ?? come to think of it, Jo Beach too.  I know Sue is still with us though, I finally had a message last week.

Cannock Chase on Tuesday next week with Steve-o and Rue before returning to Brasil on Thursday 17th.  McCoy, last time we spoke you were living not far from there – come on – get in touch.

 

Rock on


Young Teen Clunge

selling out?   Me ?  Never, but young teen clunge does attract plenty of traffic to my page, as does ‘Scandinavian beauties’ so lets see what happens in the next couple of days.

I just had a historical read of an old posting from 2008 about Facebook.  Funny how time passes but even back then in 2008 I was ranting about closing the account.  Glad I did too.

I would like to mention the Cooper clan again.  I know the girls are regular readers but now I am proud to announce the parents are also reading too – welcome Mon and John although I wonder if it is just Mr. C that pops in to see whats going on.  Talking of subscriptions, whatever happened to Thornham in Oz and Timothy in S.A. ? Are you ladies still reading?  Better still, closer to home, McCoy (I forget your wedded name).

Now firmly planted in Genoa, I enrolled in Italian language lessons starting next week.  I met the teacher last night, she has a huge pair of tits, unfortunately for her, they are already down by her belly button and I doubt she is 40.  More intriguing than the southerly chest was the gruff, beyond husky voice.  Kind of left me wondering if those huge swinging orbs had more hair on them than my chest but then that wouldn’t be hard now would it? I wonder if she has ever stepped on one of her nipples ?  So my lessons start on Monday and I have already started practising the hand gestures and over pronunciation of the few words of Italian that I already know. Expect me to be more dramatic next time you see me and a less skillful driver – unless of course I am driving a boat near to a small Italian island.

I also contacted the dive school in Rugby about finally taking my instructor exams.  They asked if I had completed the dry suit specialist course as the water at Stoney Cove in February would be around 4ºC.  I did explain that I could always go to the Caribbean and do it there.  Who on earth wants to go diving in 4º water when I am used to mid to late 20’s?

I do want to tempt fate for a moment here – all the ‘negativos’ that talk about how unreliable and crap Range Rovers are – I love my car.  We have now covered 18,000kms without fault.  Of course I lie there, I had to change a side light bulb before leaving Brussels – I am not really counting that in the J.D. Powers customer satisfaction survey.  It is especially lush when it comes to triggering speed cameras, either I am going too fast or the cameras also like the look of the car and want pictures.  A camera in Switzerland recently took a photo of me from the front and the rear – that was very confusing for a moment until I realised what had happened.

Tomorrow, I am hitting the hills of Genoa on my bike.  I have found nothing on line about specific tracks to ride so have had a look at maps and will head out with no particular intention and see what mischief I can get up to.  For those with Runkeeper, be sure to take  look.

 

Until then – I am available for abuse exclusively on my UK phone number

 

 

 


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