That was a fun weekender – Mallorca in August, a first for me.  The Jones picked a rather splendid spot on the side of the mountains to host his little ‘soiree’ overlooking the hustle and bustle of Palma.

And boy was it hot!  Until the evening came and we all cooled off a little – better still, as midnight approached me and Tall Paul went for the strip off and into the pool – shortly followed by a cascade of various other guests – guys and galls alike.  It was great to see some old faces and friends too – it has been almost 2 years since I have spent any serious time there. Its also fair to add that his bride was absolutely stunning, and I don’t say that often.  It’s one of the oldest clichés for me, brides and new born babies looking great – in fact , most of the time it’s not the case – especially the babies, they can be really ugly.

So for the second time in a month, I have worn trousers and a shirt – weddings and funerals only !

Got that out of the way, so lets move on.  Brussels Airlines it seems I owe an apology. They have in fact followed the rules with regard to delayed flights – if your flight is delayed, you get food vouchers and phone calls and that’s it.  I trolled through the EU directive and realised they were in fact telling the truth so I have duly sent my apologies. I may accept their kind offer of 5000 flight miles added to my account – 5000 miles, now here’s the other con.  It doesn’t actually mean you can fly for 5000 miles, it probably means 100 miles in real terms but a little something is better than a kick in the soft eye.

Also need to update the previous post which I found in my draft folder over the weekend.  It looks like it has been sitting there for 3 months. I know this because it mentioned my troublesome Mondeo being in the garage for 9 months when in fact September will be the first anniversary of it’s arrival there.  I am truly hoping to resolve that in the next couple of weeks.

I also must pull my finger out of my arse and get a plan for my house.  Time is running out, or almost – must make a decision soon but now I have a new distraction to add to my studies – the tourists have gone, it’s time to reclaim the beaches (please don’t mis-read that as bitches)

So nothing more to add

Mr. Wendal’s a bum !

It really does drive me nuts.  Within 2 days of getting away from the solitude of a yacht, I am already at my tolerance levels for fuckwits and  jobsworths.  Things do not need to be this difficult surely?

Tried a bank transfer on sunday which then failed.  The account that is was going to is now overdrawn, another account i have couldn’t handle an internal transfer in the same day so I am almost penniless – I could take money out on my credit card but we all now how much that will cost.

Better still, my car still remains unfixed in portugal more than 9 months after it was DRIVEN into the garage, it still does not run. Ok, slight issue with that but now think on, I have spent 4000€ and bought a new engine, fuel injectors, fuel pump, clutch and flywheel and also 4 new tyres – none of which have yet covered 1 mile of tarmac, and still, today, the car does not run.  So low is my confidence that this car will be ready when I get to portugal, that yesterday I purchased another car so that I can get to Portugal and have the summer off.

Now, being the good citizen that I am, I need special insurance that covers me for european extended use but can the agent sort that for me before tomorrow at 6pm when I want to collect the new car?  Not sure.  Should I return to my old insurer whose own break down and recovery service for which I paid extra, refused to recover my car from Portugal to England?  I don’t know!!!

Because it is so expensive to fly with all of my gear, I am using the Eurostar to get back to england.  This was a pleasant surprise.  A short walk to the nearest tube station, 4 stops down the line and I am at the Eurostar station – Even better still, the Eurostar goes from Belgium to London non stop in just over 2 hours.  And all of this for less than a ton.  I reckon that the total travel time will be less too.  Downside though, I have too much luggage to lump all that way so will drive back to belgium at the weekend and collect it all before heading to Portugal.

The boat I have just finished with is now a week late on my final payment – to the tune of a little over 10 grand and you might begin to see why I am struggling with Civvy Street so much.

Of course, there is some good news – I do have the summer off, I can work again at the local dive centre, I have my study books with me in Belgium and I did find a car at a decent price.

I wonder what Blighty has in store for me.

Bloody hell, Lexa finally subscribed – I think that makes 5 now, geographically speaking I now have readers in South Africa, America, England and also an American in Belgium – I guess not to be sniffed at but it could be better, much better.  I guess I need to try some cheap shots in the headline so i get more hits from search engines?

Superb delaying tactics on behalf of brussels airlines!

Earlier this month I had what was the biggest flight delay of my life, a little over 6 hours.  I debated whether to seek compensation from them as. in my mind, I had after all arrived in one piece.  Several of my chums said ‘do it’ and after considering how the people on that flight were abandoned in Faro airport I decided that was grounds enough to chase them.

So, i read the rules on their website – more than 5 hours delay, flight distance between 1500 and 3500 kms, start or finish flight in EU – compensation to be paid 400€ – Interestingly, this is exactly as the Civil Aviation Authority suggest it should be – unless the delay was the result of ‘Extraordinary Circumstances’.

Now, I expect this is where it will all go tits up.  Define ‘Extraordinary Circumstances’ !   Sometimes I feel bad for the airlines when they get slated for delays due to bad weather, that i think is fair enough – but where do you draw the line?  Even more interesting is that the CAA will impose a fine on the airline of 5000 gbp per passenger if they do not issue compensation where they should have but, and it is a very big but – you must approach the Civil Aviation Authority in the country of origin of this flight.  Now, under normal circumstances, this would be difficult geographically and also lingually, but for me, with a house in Portugal and a reasonable grasp of the language, I think i will give it a go – so stay up to date with how I progress.  Below is the ever so friendly email I sent to their customer services – check out their initial response ‘5 weeks response time’ – customer service my arse.

My initial message on August 16th

Brussels airlines automated response on the same day

Dear Mr. MaunderOur ref. : CR/2011013670 We duly received your comments concerning your flight of 10/08/2011. We will investigate your claim and have made up a file in your name. Kindly be advised that, at the moment, the handling of a claim can take up to five weeks. Assuring you of our best attention, we remain. Yours sincerely. Customer Relations

Then yesterday came the very non committal response

So naturally I upped the ante

Of course, I fully expect to get passed around, ignored, fed bullshit and many other things but I am curious to see just how simple the process is to claim compensation as required by EU law.  Did you know – there is no customer service desk for Brussels Airlines inside of Brussels airport?

Wham!  it hit me, exactly why I don’t like to be here in August.

I just ‘popped’ out to the supermarket as I had nothing in.  The place was full.  No baskets to pick up and ponce around with, queues for the check out half way across the store and on top of that, idiots, and I mean real fecking idiots in all the other aisles.

I couldn’t deal with it so turned around and walked out.

There is an old communist style store ‘Ali Super’ at the top of the town that’s always empty so I headed there instead.  Of course, empty for good reason – it’s full of shite but I got a few simples and headed to the check out to watch one of the natives in front of me slowly counting out his coins at the check out – checking each side of every coin, quite what for, I have no idea, maybe there is some joke money here in Portugal that suddenly doubles in value if you inspect it closely.

Sometimes I wonder if late on the 6th day, god created retards, then just before lunch on the 7th day he decided he needed somewhere special to put them so created Portugal. To make sure they didn’t slow the development of the country too much, he stuck a bit on the bottom of Portugal and called it ‘The Algarve’ (latin for ‘complete fuckwit’) and made it mandatory that all retards must either live there or at least holiday there in August.

I would loathe this place is it wasn’t so blissfully devoid of wankers for 10 months of the year.  Driving along the road I never know what to expect.  Stop and park on a crossing – no problem.  Indicate right and turn left – no problem, park on a roundabout – why not ?  Have a 10 minute conversation with the check out girl while I am waiting behind you – ansofuckinglutely man!

Still – in an effort to stop all of this getting to me,  I stopped at the Warung for a sneaky Bohemia.  All was well, the sun was setting and a young filly walked in and said Hi!  How pleasant I thought, until she returned to the loungers with a beer and an iPod and sat down, laughing and also jigging to the music at the same time.  Now, I am quite smart but I couldn’t figure out if she was listening to say, a pod cast that was making her laugh, or listening to music which was making her jiggle about like a python on acid, so I decided to leg it before she pulled her machete out and started slicing up random people.

I promise now that I will never return to Portugal in August again – ever ever ever.

Now, that’s got that off my chest. Subscriptions.  I have the grand sum of 9 which leads me to think a face book friend cull is about to happen – maybe I should say that any friends that haven’t subscribed get deleted, I wonder how that might work?

Where have I been ?  The world hasn’t stopped since my last visit that’s for sure.

Dominic Straus Kahn (or DSK for the trendies)  has been released in New York without charge – the local papers in Portugal quoting that his public profile will never be the same again, I just can’t wait to read the story about Mrs Staus Kahn beating her husband with a rolling pin on his return to France

A small earthquake yesterday in Washington DC.  Been lots of earthquakes this year, I actually started to think that the Mayans may be right when they decided to stop their calendar in the year 2012, maybe the end of the world is nigh – or maybe a more logical solution is that all those many years ago, while going to great lengths to create a calendar, the man in charge suddenly realized that they would all be long gone by 2012 anyway so what was the point in all that effort? So he simply downed tools and popped off to the pub for a pint instead.  I wonder what the historians would make of that.

The UK police, after being applauded for their bravery in the recent riots in England are now facing criticism from some quarters.  I have two issues with this, firstly they faced untold dangers in those situations.  For this, they have my full and unconditional support – even if they gave a couple of toe rags a good kicking on the sidelines, I wouldn’t care – It was a job well done.  Secondly, and most importantly, the toe rags in question will soon be laughing at Police as the do-gooders now fall on their side in support of them due to ‘heavy’ sentences being passed down.  So do-gooders, the message you are sending is clear – police were bad, rioters were victims.  I wonder how many of these do-gooders actually live anywhere near the areas affected.  I even watched a recent TV interview with Terry Christian, an old TV presenter from ‘The Tube’.  Terry, your opinions and theories are just complete bollocks, for someone of the younger generations you are massively out of touch.

More pleasantly, Steve and Nic finally got married in England a week or so ago.  It was long overdue but finally accomplished, congratulations to you both.  Getting there was a pain in the arse though, the flight from Portugal to Brussels was over 6 hours late, the next day we jumped in Lana’s brand new Volvo to drive to England, got loaded on the Chunnel only to be told the train in front had broken down and we had to wait for it to be cleared.  When we arrived at the hotel, I could smell burning from the car – sure enough, the new Volvo (Sacha as the missus calls it, male of female I don’t know) was smoking from under the bonnet.  Fire extinguisher in hand, Steve and myself sat and waited for it to burst into flames but thankfully nothing came of it.

Amy Winehouse’s toxicology report has been completed.  There was alcohol but no traces of drugs.  Now, call me cynical but either there has been one huge cover up or the toxicology lab got Ms. Winehouse’s report mixed up with poor old Doris Merriwhether from the high street who slipped on the step while leaving the local pub after a quick whiskey mac.  I make no apologies for saying that I just don’t believe that one – something tells me I am not alone.

Now, I really must get back to studying or I will be in trouble come October.  Will be in Mallorca at the end of the month for another wedding, if you are anywhere near – give me a call

I read with interest the recent events in england.  I am curious to know what the IPCC body will discover but reading the fact that a bullet was lodged in a police radio, I strongly suspect the baddie shot first.

I do have a very old chum that worked on armed support for the force a few years ago so I am aware that the rules of engagement are very strict – penny to a pound the baddie was first to pop one off, closely followed by two from one of the queens finest – of course, the high quality of the UK police force meant that their shots will count every time.

I really want to break this down for a second because I know the MET police will now be getting a slating, and indeed the subsequent riots were blamed on the shooting too.

Firstly, and most importantly – If you carry an illegal firearm, you are fully aware of the fate that waits you.  Now the poor old copper, can’t just shoot you if he sees your weapon (no pun intended) – He, has to wait until there is an immediate threat to himself or the public before he can pull his trigger.

If, when confronted by armed police, you recklessly decide that you want to shoot your way out of the situation – expect to get shot and nothing less.  You might also hear otherwise but it is a shoot to kill policy, purely and simply because a leg wound or an arm shot doesn’t disable you from pulling the trigger – so expect a double tap to the heart.

Now, here comes the controversy – I just don’t see how people can support the baddies when they are willing to shoot at the local rozzers.  Anyone that can justify that stance to me, I would love to hear from you.  A madman at large in public with a gun should be stopped before INNOCENT people get hurt or killed.  If that means taking his life, then the London Met Police have my full support

Seondly – rioting, how the fuck does that help?  Let’s destroy cars and shops of local people, people that we live and work with every day – better still, lets break into shops and rob shit from a poor shop keeper who has absolutely nothing to do with what has been happening – rip his livelihood right out from underneath his feet while he stands there, watching helpless and probably shitting in his pants.  There is no justification for the actions.  Throwing stones at police – you are lucky, in many of the countries I have travelled to, those actions would have got you shot with no questions asked afterwards.

Thats enough for now  think hard about what you do next.

Back from a day of activity – had a dive this morning with a young fella of just 11 years old, superb skills and fearless – when I was his age, I may have been the same but without the superb skills!

Tried to find some surf this afternoon but no joy, the west coast was a little heavier than I was willing to brave – so I now have eaten a ham & feta sandwich and have a bottle of EA red , express chilling in the freezer.

As for the headline of todays posting, it bears absolutely no relevance to the post at all, I was just curious to see how many hits I get with that in the title – expect more random headlines over the coming weeks.

Last night and almost completely unprompted, I had a flurry of new subscriptions – I like it when that happens, but first a few corrections.

The reader in Pensylvania ( I hope I spelt that right) is actually called ‘Sharon’ not Michelle as previously stated, please all wave and smile while facing west and say hello to Sharon.

Then of course, there is Trusty (or maybe that should be rusty) Old Lex in South Africa – she has subscribed but it doesn’t look like she has confirmed the system email that was sent, shame on her !

So the newbies…….

Max in Leiceter, UK – How come it took you so long?

Susan & Angela from Rugby, UK – these two are the subscribers I have known the longest (almost – Steve gets that award!)

And last but by no means least – The wonderful Mush George down there in Bristol (I actually typed ‘Bristol’ with a heavy west country accent)

I have quite a motley crew growing now – maybe its time to create a subscribers photo album ? Your thoughts are appreciated.

I did get one step closer to settling into the way of life here today.  I got up late (very important that one) went for a dive, came home mid afternoon and took a nap and then woke at 6pm and headed to the beach – if only the surf had been more favourable, I would have been surfing until sunset.  Tomorrow I have nothing planned apart form heading to the old house and clearing it out, I may even take on the vegetation with a machete to make it look a little tidier.

Thats all for now, just left wondering how many hits I will get for UK Swingers

Finally yesterday the wind dropped.  I can’t imagine how mind bending that must have been to have that howling for the last 2 months – It was driving me crazy after just one week.  I took advantage of it well and headed out with my two big boards on the roof.

Tonel first stop but really nothing much happening there so I headed out of town towards Amado.  Picked up some rather splendid tunes on the way out of town, The Verve – Sonnet had me smiling on the road out of town closely followed by ‘Sound and Vision’ – David Bowie, topped off with an old Roxy Music track – Over You, I was enjoying the drive, baking hot sun and the wind in my hair.  I even had a little Siouxie and the Banshees and The Wurzels before my jaw dropped at Amado.

The must have been over 100 people in the water! Not a superb wave either, I watched for a while to see what kind of carnage would ensue and sure enough, they were dropping in and running over each other – did I want to hone my 9 month unused skills amongst this little lot?  Not bloody likely mate, I would have killed someone.

Bordeira next stop and as usual, it was a big mess.  In all honesty I have never had a good surf there, I really don’t know why I bother checking the place.

Next stop Barriga but in all honesty it looked like very hard work for an out of shape blimp like me

By this time, I had stopped singing and decided to head back to Sagres and checked out Tonel again – A quick check on the tide timetable told me the tide had just turned and was now on the push – certain it would improve in an hour I decided to go and sit on the beach. Baking in the sun, I paid close attention to the surf and sure enough, around an hour later, there was a useable wave to I squeezed into the spak suit and went for a paddle.

Being old and wise, I knew that I was way out of shape for bigger swells so the metre high stuff at Tonel would be a good start.  I must confess though, the extra belly I am currently carrying meant that I had to ask for help to close the wet suit up!

Anyhow, turned out to be a very good call, I had close to 2 hours of fun before I got so tired that I kept missing my feet – enough – call it a day.

I tried to repeat the experience again today but this time I wasn’t so lucky.  At least I got to sit for a few hours in the sun while i waited.

Tomorrow morning it’s back to the hotel for some discover scuba diving with the kids, last week I was confronted with 13 of the little feckers.  If I get that many tomorrow I am going to limit it to just 10 me thinks.

Moving on, I read that Amy Winehouse is dead. No details as yet but there isn’t a bookie in the land that will take a bet against drug related death. It was inevitable many will say and the national press here in Portugal are saying just that. I do wonder though, as did John Peel when Cobain blew his face off, if I could have helped in some way, spent some time with her and helped her out of her problems, changed her life path a little. A truly magical voice without any shadow of a doubt , now no more.  I am sure we will be wondering in the years to come, exactly what kind of music she would be making.  I often think if Cobain were alive, what would his style be now, 15 years after the Nirvana scene.  Maybe Mr. Grohl offers a little insight to that.

I too was shocked to hear about the recent events in Norway.  I have a couple of friends up there.  On my first visit to Norway some 12 or 13 years ago, I was surprised at just how open the norgies are. Almost a self policing nation where crimes were unusual and people very trusting.  Last time I was in Oslo about 2 years ago now, I spoke to my friends there and they told me that many of the population were against the new immigration policy.  Why? Since immigration had been relaxed the society was beginning to see crimes that they had never seen before, rapes previously unheard of, violent crimes too.  I am expecting to read in the next couple of days that this nutter is saying just that – he didn’t agree with the immigration policy so he decided to murder many of his country folk, don’t quite see the logic in that!  Home grown terrorism – it must be so hard to detect for the authorities.

Now, moving swiftly on, lets talk about subscriptions again – there are a few readers out there that still haven’t subscribed.  I made it as easy as possible so that even women can do it (apart from Karen Thornham in Oz, she needed 2 attempts) so there is no excuse Susan.

Hello to my avid readers/subscribers

The ever so beautiful Lana Bos

Steve Brown

Verity McCoy ( the first one to subscribe – shame on you Lana)

Karen Thornham

Lexa Timothy (South Africas finest Chef!) Hey Lex, I wonder if you can link your page to mine and vice versa?

And that other American lass, I forget her name, I think it could be Michelle

But enough for now, my Sagres Bohemia is getting warm, and that my friends is as serious a crime as buggering the Queen

‘Portugal’ of course – and also ‘Problems’

Nothing here is straight forward and it is beginning to take its toll on me.  I am almost at the point of despair with the bullshit and the locals ability to do fuck all and get away with it – it is no surprise to me that their country is in such financial dire straights.  I find myself now constantly asking if this is where I want to base myself and potentially spend the rest of my life – At the moment, it is a resounding ‘no way’.  Added to all the bullshit, the wind has been blowing hard for months now so I can’t even go and surf.

I did finally manage to buy a bike today, one that is the right size, so that my knees don’t knock my teeth out when I am pedalling.  Added bonus was the bike shop that I chose to visit was also so very close to the local DHL office that were holding my Mac charger that was posted last week. Apparently DHL do not deliver to post office boxes – something new in the school book for me then.

Emergency call last night from the dive school – their compressor wouldn’t start – something of a serious issue when you need compressed air to work.  Did manage to get it running though and this morning also found a mail order supplier in Portugal that held the spares so they should be here within the next couple of days – but remember what ‘P’ is for ?

Tomorrow morning I plan to cycle to the light house on the point, a good 15 k round trip, should be completely fooked by the time i get back. After that, now my trusty Mac is again in tow and taking charge, my studies can begin in earnest, revision notes and all.

For the first time in many years, I have also decided to sell one of my boards.  Don’t panic, its just the old Sementé – it’s pretty beaten up but I might get a few dollars for it – do i really need 4 surf boards?  I don’t think so, especially when I may have to get all of them on the roof and back to blighty later this year, so I could soon be a 3 board family.

Dilemas are upon me again – to sell or not to sell.  I am certain that I don’t want the tie of a house here any more, its easy and relatively cheap to rent so I should just do that when I want to come here – your thoughts are appreciated – I suspect the eurozone is in for a kicking some time in the coming 2 years.

I will leave you with those thoughts for now

Safely landed in Portugal this morning.  The drive I have now completed 5 times, I can now do it without a map !!

One thing that always stuns me is when leaving the southwest of france for Spain’s Basque Country.  That is always my favourite part of the drive, always catching it at first light or early morning – it is so beautiful, it makes my nipples go hard.

But let me get back to France for a second.  I managed to pass through the whole country this time without activating any speed cameras, last trip I managed 3, the 2nd trip only 1. France is a big country to cross but I wanted to share a little something with you, the british motorist.  Ok, they have a sensible 80mph speed limit but the toll roads are a killer – 125€ in tolls, just to cross France, and before you cry ‘the fuels cheaper’ – it ‘aint my friend, it is comparable with the UK!

I got a couple of tolls in Spain too but it is worth the cost to see the views.

So I am now home for the summer.  Not much has changed of course but things are about to begin changing. Some of my long term friends here are getting ready to clear out and return to Germany.  These guys have been here for almost as long as me but they are suffering the same frustrations as me, bullshit politics and stupid people – it wears you thin in the end. I had a good chin wag at the beach bar today with one of those friends, she is ready for the off.  Sure, it has been an idilic 6 years for her, but she is now completely over it – strangely enough, it appears we are both feeling almost exactly the same things.

I whiled away the afternoon today making a very special ‘thing’ that from this point on shall be called ‘The tricolore’ like the french flag.  A couple of years ago while at the beach I burnt a small triangle of skin between my shoulder blades – it was a small area of my back that i couldn’t reach with my own hands, flexible as I am, so today, i purchased the raw ingredients of ‘the tricolore’ and sat and stitched them together to produce my personal back sunscreen applicator, or PBSA to give it its full technical name. Photos will be added soon. Sadly though, the 3 colours of cotton i used for the stitching represent the Bulgarian flag rather than the french one – but tri-colour it is!

The apartment I have rented for the summer is the kind of place that encourages you to go to the beach.  Now, there is small, and there is blatantly taking the piss small – I think the owner got the broom cupboard and the apartment mixed up.  Will be even more fun when Lana gets here – talk about living in each others pockets !

The beaches are of course still beautiful but it is blowing a hoolie at the moment so not so much sun bathing, more like sand blasting.  Mustn’t grumble though, the breeze takes about 10ºc off the temperature but the sun is still as wicked – and of course a little bit of breeze keeps the mozzies at bay.

So tomorrow is officially my first day of chill – nothing planned but a full lube up with hawaiian tropics and a few hours in the sun, maybe even a dip in the water, and thats all, 6 pack of Bohemia is already chilling in the fridge, all thats left now is to upload the photos so far for this summer.