Scarlet Macaws – a stunning sight to see flying free – especially in a flock of  dozen or so – quite why anyone could think these magnificent birds deserve to be held hostage in a cage I have no idea.  The colours really are splendid, I tried to capture them mid flight but the camera could not do them justice.  I also disturbed a couple of lizards this morning down by the river.  I am going to do the same tomorrow but next time with my camera loaded and ready.  As I got close to the water, the first lizard legged it from one side to the other – across the surface of the water ! While I stood there in amazement, the second also made a break for safety – walking on water or rather running on it.

Christmas day was a peach!  Headed along the beach before midday to Ken and Molli’s condo (thats ‘apartment’ to us native english speakers).  A short sit by the pool until I realised how good the waves were.  Fresh wax on the NSP and I spent the next few hours in what can only be described as heavenly Pacific swells, stopping only for a rest and more suncream – in fact, factor 50 was the order of the day.  High tide is around 4pm today and I am hoping there will be cloud cover by then.  Water temp is glorious and surfing in shorts is the order of the day.

I found a picture of those Macaws – not one of mine so I have included it on this page – what a beautiful bird (fnar fnar)

Finally settling in after some 13 hours or more in planes to get here – beauty of that of course is I shared the plane cabin with commoners and now have a stinking cold – payback I guess for not being in the UK for the winter but a bummer for me because it stops me from scuba diving. Still, on the bonus side, i did blag a surf board for free from the birds friends down here – So I can now be seen on an ‘NSP’ surfing Pacific coast waves – not so cool for an old school duffer like me – but a free board is a free board and I did manage to ride it ok so lets not complain.

Nice spot too, right on the beach although the view of the sand and waves is slightly obscured by palm trees but hey, a small price to pay.

So for now, just surfing to report – tomorrow I will give the Go Pro Hero a bash I think and see if I can’t post it here.

Stand by for action

Or a way of life?

Personally, I think it is all to do with your outlook on life (or should that be outluck?).  Let me explain.

Today I suffered a second car breakdown in less than two weeks. Unlucky you might say, even more unlucky is the same fault has happened twice now, even after the four hundred pound repair bill I had after the first one.  Two weeks ago in northern France, my alternator developed a fault – I managed to get the car onto the Chunnel and off the other side when the alternator failed completely.  Using all of my ingenuity I limped the car another 50 miles or so to Clacket Lane Services on the M25 and called the break down services.

Yesterday, while heading to Stanstead Airport in the very small hours, the alternator failed again but completely.  I managed the next 20 miles to the airport and left it there to get on my plane.  Today when I returned I was all set to limp the car back to Rugby but because of the cold cold weather, the battery had suffered overnight and did not have enough juice to run the engine above 2000rpm – so I pulled into Bishops Stortford services and called the break down guys again.

Out they came, diagnosed a faulty alternator (after I had already told them so) and then started to arrange recovery.  I explained that last time it took them 5 hours to pick me up and I was keen not to wait that long.  The very nice man checked my membership and told me ‘ you have relay plus on this car’. What does that mean I asked? He took me back to the airport and put me in a hire car so I could continue on my way while they transport the car through the night.

So – two almost identical breakdowns but I still think I am lucky.  Why? Because I only bought the breakdown programme 2 days before my first breakdown – it sure has paid for itself now.

Better still, I won 2 quid on an easyjet scratch card on the plane – after telling the stewardess I was feeling lucky.  Tonight, I also bought a lottery ticket !

Did you ever hear the joke about lucky eddie ?

Hit a severe panic a couple of days ago.  Checking my scuba gear for monday’s trip to Costa Rica and noticed I was missing my regulator and dive computer. I have to admit, pure panic set in. 1400 dollars to replace it but even more important was the complete lack of time to do so. I turned Dean’s house and garage upside down, pestered the Missus to check all areas at her place, called Divers Cape in Portugal to see if i had left it there and lastly asked my friends in Portugal to check the apartment that I rented.

At 10pm on wednesday evening, a text came in from Portugal – they had found it, it had been in the shop all along – so I frantically booked a flight to go and pick it up, hence my trip to Stanstead Airport in the wee hours of Thursday morning.  Now, I am very relieved to say that I have everything I need for my Costa Rica trip and I may even be getting a little excited about it. Chris from Divers Cape showed me the best places to dive there and we also checked out some of the hot surf spots so I am finally ready.  the big question is – do I refresh the mohawk tomorrow at the barbers? I may not have a functioning car but right now, I couldn’t give a toss.

Now, it wouldn’t be a blog without having a moan about something would it?

Knowing my impending doom this afternoon while trying to leave the car park with a battery low on power, I spotted a car park employee in a van.  He was of course the only person in and around a freezing mid term car park at Stanstead on a Friday afternoon.  I asked if I could hook up my jump leads to his van to boost the battery on my car so I had a fighting chance of heading home – his response – ‘can’t do it – liability issues’!  Fear of liability stops people helping each other – what a crock of shit.

Still, on a lighter note – I am much more.  In fact more than 2 stones lighter.  For my american chums thats about 30 lbs to you munchers.

But enough – Costa Rica is calling and I have my Go Pro Hero camera and my super duper Cannon on stand by

It’s hard work , not being at work.

Do you remember a song from the late 80`s  by a band called ‘Del Amitri – Nothing Ever Happens?’ – well, there is a line in that song that says ‘the traffic lights change to stop when there’s nothing to go’ – that line has stuck in my head for 20 years or so. Now, just last week while I was wandering through the delights of Rugby town centre, I noticed that when I pushed the button on the pedestrian crossing, nothing happened until there were no cars coming.  At that point, the traffic lights did indeed change to red – amazing.

I have also been recently miffed by so called ‘customer service’ of modern companies, namely Vodafone and Three.  Now Vodafone pissed me off by mis-selling me a product which in turn meant that they tried to bill me for more than 120 pounds for a month of mobile phone use instead of the 21 pounds it should have been.  So after a month of nonsense and 4 phone calls to different Vodafone Customer Service reps, I pulled the plug and asked for my ‘PAC’ code so that I could move to a competitor.  Now, as I remember it – it used to be a PUK code but then hey – fuck it, if it ‘aint broke – change it anyway!

So my friendship with Vodafone is no more – I doubt they care though, I am just 1 customer with a phone and internet dongle in the UK, a phone and internet dongle in Portugal and yep, you guessed it, a phone and internet dongle in Spain – but enough is enough.

So today I joined ‘Three’ but what a big bundle of cluster fuck that turned out to be.  I called the sales team who took my details and agreed a fee and then passed me over to the ‘customer service team’. Now, call me old fashioned but when I am talking to ‘Customer Service’ I expect them to speak the same language as me but alas no.  Of course, my temper was already frayed courtesy of Vodafone so I found it incredibly easy to tell the fool from ‘Three’ to fuck off within 2 minutes of trying to communicate with him.  If that wasn’t enough, I immediately called the sales team back and asked them to cancel the new SIM that would come to me – and surprise surprise – bugger all happened. My second call this afternoon also bore no fruit – the SIM is already on its way to me, I must not open or activate it but must call customer services as soon as i receive it to cancel it.  Imagine now, how joyful that will be – a non english speaking customer service rep dealing with me when I am in full flow – good luck to that poor fellow!

Now, telephone providers out of the way – lets talk about those wonderful roadside rescue companies out there.  As I travel a bit, I have special car insurance that lets me stay out of the UK all year round if I want to, so I need a recovery package that matches it.  I am not talking about the crap that LV insurance sell to unsuspecting fools, supported by Britania Rescue  who wriggled out of helping me when my car was stranded in Portugal – I talked to the RAC today. 145 pounds for european recovery – not bad I thought, about the same as the price quoted to me by my insurance broker, I never really expected my broker to be competitive but get this – the RAC cover, ‘Comprehensive Cover’ as they call it – excludes UK break downs!  Is that any use to you ??  I don’t think so.  Best bit – the girl in Euro Cover couldn’t help me with UK cover and ‘needed to transfer me’ – of course I told her not to bother. Tomorrow I will call my broker and put the rescue policy live.

So – grunt out of the way, it’s almost time to start travelling again.  Brussels on Friday with Steve and Nic, Portugal on Tuesday with Dean, then back to Brussels on Friday for Lana’s works Christmas party – for which, I promise to be on my best behaviour. After that, a few days peace before Costa Rica, and I have to say that I am looking forward to that.

Still waiting for my last two results – but I am sure they will be in soon

Big Stan, the anchor man of Morris Engines is no more ! 

The man that could give me an ‘Octopus’ as a kid, so fast that I couldn’t breath in to get the words ‘stop’ to come out of my mouth – I never dare ask for an ‘Aeroplane’ for fear that a leg and an arm would have been snapped off.

When I was kid, Stan was one of my Chauffeurs from friday night youth club in Clifton, down to the Brownsover Social Club – pre Butlers Leap days mind you.  He would constantly honk the horn on his car from Clifton to Brownsover, non stop, all the way.  How he never got his collar felt by the old bill I do not know, and that was a good thing in the early 80’s because everybody was more relaxed about drinking and driving. As a kid of course – I loved it, as an adult – so did Stan.

I remember those nights out at the Bedworth Social Club – returning home in that old Morris Marina and walking back from the garages on Winfield Street – Ah the Morris Marina, everyone had one back in the day – normally with two cushions on the parcel shelf.  My Granma never wanted me to go to the garage to drop the car off but I always managed to blag it.  Stan would walk all the way back to East Street humming a tune with me in tow – struggling to keep up with his pace.

From a kids perspective – all adults are tall, strong and promote an air of resilience and immortality, it’s only as we grow older that we realise adults are in fact as fragile as everyone else.  Big Stan was no different.

The respectful silence is over

Choose life – every fucking time…

I read this article yesterday on the beeb.  It seems the new fashion is to mock or taunt the poor old bill as much as possible.  I watched a month or so ago, a man in the states carrying an AK47 in public along the street.  The police attended, the carrier got smart (and of course video’d the whole thing) but wasn’t breaking the law as open carry is allowed in some states.  The Police, after wasting their time tending to this guys ego, let him go.  A few weeks ago, there was a shooting in the states with an AK47. Open carry would make people think an AK in the streets was the norm when in fact, the carrier was off to his local massacre store.

Now, my point is this – read the link below, and if you think that this fool was being anything other than provocative because of the colour of his skin, you are sadly wrong wrong wrong.  Here is a guy that knew his actions would cause concern to other members of the public.  He knew that his skin tone and the style of vest he wore that day would provoke a reaction.  Maybe, he was hoping for a bigger reaction so that he could sue the police and live off the proceeds of tax payers like you?  Or maybe this is a new type of suicide ‘wanna be’ bomber – he gets the suicide or at least well suicide by police.

If this guy thought his actions were normal, surely he should be ‘sectioned’ immediately for his own safety and those around him. Now, I am sure the police officer who suggested to him that his actions were provocative will be branded a racist in some circles, where, in reality, he was just applying common sense to the situation.

What if this guy had been shot – what then?  More city centres ripped apart?  A couple of innocent lives lost defending livelihoods, businesses burnt to the ground – all because of some stupid prick that , as I see it, deliberately sought attention for himself.

How do you expect the security services to protect you and yours when people deliberately dress up as a baddie in the great outdoors?  Common sense has long since left the country.  I would seriously like to give this fella a running fuck slap just for being a prick – that is all he needs, and maybe his benefits should be stopped too.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-15190563

I always liked this guy and often wondered why he didn’t ever run for PM.  To me, he sounds and looks like a leader, almost a real life version of Hugh Grant in ‘love actually’ – I think Portillo would have been ace!  Then of course, there is Steve Brown who always reminds me of Hugh Grant too – How obscure.

Anyway, why am I talking about Michael Portillo?  One of the benefits of currently being in the modern world means I get good phone reception, great internet coverage and amongst other things BBC channels on the TV.

Mr. P was on a programme just the other night, discussing the current financial crisis in Europe when he made a damn fine statement in my eyes.  He said something like this

Are we (the eu) bailing out greece really? – No.  By bailing them out, we are simply covering their debt to the banks and financial institutions that have loaned them money in the first instant. A loan that could not be repaid but the banks didn’t care about that so much when the money was sent.  Any payment made to greece is simply a payment to their creditors – the banks that inevitably caused the financial situation in the first place, will get their money returned to them – By european tax payers.

It certainly made my ears stand up and listen.  I always liked Portillo – to me, he was a straight talker without the normal political rhetoric & bullshit that politicians so frequently spout.

One of his best moments – passion for britain I say.

Enough politics – I finally got my xbox on line again – must be at least 8 years since i did that – just another benefit of living in a modern world i guess.  A couple of new games on order and I will be able to compete head to head with Mr B again from anywhere in the world.

Heading to blighty on 12th October and staying there until mid november – that should prove interesting enough for me.  I also bagged some very cool photos of a young kid yesterday while out walking so be sure to have a look at those too.

Is it good luck – or bad?

Yesterday when I left Portugal I thought I should be smart and fill up across the border in Spain as it’s about 5 cents a litre less.  The fuel warning Light came on somewhere around Faro I guess and the needle was nowhere near the bottom so I passed Olhào without a thought, over the river and into Spain.  Missed the first turn off for fuel but checked the gauge and it was still fine.

Yep, you guessed it – dead car at 80mph in southern Spain.  You may call it stupid, you may even call it unlucky – but for me, it was a stroke of pure good luck of the best sort.  The car managed to conk out less than half a K from the gas station that I had just missed. Jumped out, fluorescent orange bib on, 1st warning triangle at 100 metres, 2nd at 200 metres, left my phone number in the window and went for a little hike – just like clockwork.  Bought a 20 litre jerry can, filled it up and hauled it back to the motor, poured in the contents and she fired up straight away!  Less than half an hour lost!

I kept the can and refilled it at the next fuel stop too – just in case.  Now here’s a thing for any of you trend setters that drive 75’s like me – the gauge was nowhere near the bottom, and the engine just cut out without warning, stutter, judder, loss of power – nothing.  It went dead so quickly that I was looking in the rear view mirror to see what engine components of mine were bouncing their way along the Andalucian highway – but it was all good, just out of fuel.

Finally managed to get rid of that old dog too – the Mondeo sold on wednesday for the princely sum of  800€ – thats about 1/10 th of what it owes me.

Good run up to Brussels overnight – only managed to get flashed by 1 speed camera this time.  SatNav had me all over the place though.  Sometimes it would tell you to turn off the motorway, go half a mile down the road, make a U turn and get back on the motorway – all for no reason.  Another time, it gave me a screen shot of the distance being too far to calculate.  Strange I thought – but then it hit me, it is after all Lana’s satnav – so it is American.  Being American it is not used to going any further than two blocks because you can find a drive thru, KFC, Pizza Hut and Gun Shop all within 2 blocks of home.  Thankfully I knew the way roughly anyway.  Is it just me but if you ignore the satnav directions, does the voice sound a little ‘disappointed’ when she has to tell you she is ‘Recalculating’?

There was one point on the trip in southern france due to a motorway closure, I found myself in a dead end car park in a small french village after listening to the satnav for instructions – I was not alone, there were 4 other cars there too.

Spain – let’s talk about Spain. I am fully aware I have a spanish subscriber (olà christina !) but I am going to give those spanish drivers a good old dressing down.  What a bunch of fuck heads! – They drive like they are late for an appointment with the grim reaper.  Leave a space between you and the car in front, they’re in it in a flash.  Leave a space big enough for two cars – and a truck will be there before you can blink.  80mph and so close to your back bumper that you can’t see the numberplate or front lights of their car in your rearview mirror.  Having spent some time in Mallorca and ‘studied’ their driving skills, I did wonder if it was just an Island thing (cue music from ‘Deliverance’) but nope – surely they can’t be inbred on the mainland too ?

But now let me make amends – Spain, oh Spain – is such a beautiful country to drive across. I always head into Seville before turning north to Madrid, Burgos and then into Basque country.  Seville is only around 7 metres above sea level but once you get north of Madrid, expect 1500 metres in the mountains – just stunning.  It gets better though, the further north you go – Basque country is waiting and that my friends – has to be done at first morning light for the best scenery in Europe.

Sadly – due to my planning – it was pitch black when I got to Basque territory – but next time, I promise.  In fact, next time will be early January so might even be a snow covered trip by then.  I did reel off a few photos while I was, ahem, driving – will add them shortly so remember to take a look.

I did also manage to see the Eiffel Tower today.  It was way over in the distance as I joined the ‘Peripherique’ which is Paris’ answer to the M25 but considerably less classy as you would expect from a nation that eats so much cheese! (Ooh – Magali, I wonder if you are reading this too?) – I say managed, purely because it was covered and obscured by pollution and smog.  It was hard to believe that people view Paris as the most romantic city in the world as I starred through the gloom.  I think I would rather catch the National Express up to Scunthorpe.

Now the French drivers were a world apart, and dare I say it, almost as equally skilled and thoughtful as us Brits.  They don’t pinch your safety space, if you indicate to pull out, they wont accelerate to close off your gap – more likely to move out into lane 3 to give you more room, all in all, a rather splendid drive through France.  Now France is a Beauty too but not a patch on Spain.

Thankfully, there weren’t many Portuguese drivers around for the trip – they do find it hard to get the donkey and cart up to the minimum speed required for Europe`s motorways.

It’s time for me to shower now, I have to pick the woman up from the airport soon but please can I leave you with a little thought.

Remember when petrol first started getting expensive – it used to be displayed in cost per gallon but that would never have really hid the truth now would it, so ‘in line’ with decimilisation that happened a little over 40 years ago, we switched.  so instead of paying near 2 pounds per gallon, we are paying around 1.50 per litre which on the face of it makes it much easier to swallow doesn’t it?  Now convert it over – and you will be around 6.80 per gallon

Now – if that doesn’t get the conspiracy theorists going, this will

Compare the cost of a litre of fuel to a litre of bottled water from the supermarket – I bet you, you all happily pay more for a litre of water from the supermarket than you do for a litre of fuel from the same supermarket.

If you could get fuel out of your tap at home for free, would you still go to the supermarket and buy it ?

Shower time – I need to trim my ball bag

I saw on the plane that a classic movie has recently undergone a remake.  I am shocked, I find it hard to imagine that anyone could improve on the original ‘Footloose’.  Can any one really do better than Kevin Bacon – I think not

Smart Car users – remember to apply the handbrake.  As an automatic, I normally just pop the gearbox into ‘P’ and walk away.  This I did yesterday with my Smart rental car only to watch it start rolling backwards as I locked the door.  Thankfully, it weighs as much as an empty crisp packet so I could hold it while i opened the door and put the hand brake on.  There is no ‘P’ function on the gearbox, just neutral or reverse. Leaving it in neutral without the handbrake on will not hold it on a hill – please remember this if you ever drive one.

I have been lucky enough to get my discharge book stamped  so all in all a good trip.  I also picked up a months work in January on a race boat called ‘Open Season’ so straight back from Costa Rica to Mallorca in January.  All in all, a good visit, well worth the spend to get here.

I did bag the cheapest hotel on the island – after all , I am tighter than a ducks butt – but it is cheap for a reason.  75 pounds for 3 nights, I wasn’t expecting too much and I was right to think so.  You get what you pay for anywhere in the world.

I also managed to catch a classic episode of ‘Cheers’ on the plane – I had long forgotten how funny that programme was, living proof that the states can give us europeans some good tv – I don’t class baywatch as good tv.

Managed to catch up with a few chums while I am here too.  Tall Paul, Mick and Cat, Mark Durham, Nigel, English Harry, Absolute Neil, Miles and a quick skype with Tom.

So back to Portugal tomorrow and am also giving serious consideration to bailing out immediately and heading for belgium.  My concentration is struggling at the moment and I need to study hard until I get to England.

Just need to get rid of that bloody Mondeo.

One I am glad to see the back of in fact – that bloody Mondeo.  Bought it just over a year ago on eBay for the princely sum of 4 grand.  Drove it to portugal, used it for a bit , then tried to improve it, to stop it smoking too much – that, was my downfall.

Almost a year later and now around 8 grand out of pocket, I have decided to sound the death knell for the damn thing, not out of spite or expense but purely because we just can’t find out what is wrong with it.  To add insult to injury, it’s not just mine that suffered.  I started searching the internet forums for TDCI mondeo problems – cyberspace is full of them, full of horror stories and unbelievable tales of even Ford dealers not being able to fix them. I even sent it to a Ford dealer in Portimao for their input but that proved as much use as wiping my arse with used,heavily soiled toilet paper.  After reading so many peoples problems, I was left wondering how Ford not only managed to sell so many of these things but also how they have managed not to get bad press about them – a 6 year old car shouldn’t have so many problems – worse still, so many six year old cars shouldn’t.

So, it’s back on eBay, with a very honest and frank description.  Now this surprises me, after just 2 days, over 500 page views, 70 odd people ‘watching’ it and 8 bids – so I might get some money back after all.

Now I can solely concentrate on my studies again.

My Seaman’s discharge book has arrived.  No, before you ask, it’s not a record of how much I ejaculate over the course of a month – think of it more like a passport for boat people (and I don’t mean illegal immigrants either).  I should have got it many years ago but I never thought how important it was – but now I have it.

So my battle for self improvement continues – Also looks like Costa Rica for christmas and new year, the missus has managed to talk me into it.  I am also seeing if I can stay a little longer over there and complete my Dive Instructor tickets – not bloody cheap though, another 4 grand leaving the bank account.  I might have to park it for a little while as there may be some movement on the house in November – all hell could break loose, decisions on that soon.

It’s good to blog with a beer and a Bohemia but soon I will be back in Belgium on that ‘Chimay Blue’.  Stand by for a flurry of activity