Author Archives: hairygoose

07/03/2006

what to do when you are bored pt. 2

By hairygoose
remember my message ?
 
In Leningrad, the moose drive on the left only after 5pm. Sparkle
 
 
well i sent 5 texts now, no-one has replied.  want to know why?  each time i tried to create a random number i actually created one that didnt exist…..can you imagine the odds of doing that?
 
next time you get a wrong number – have a good conversation first before you appologise because next time, you might not get a number at all.
 
special thanks to someone called ´me´who left a message to part one.
 
me – i would text you if i knew who you were!  alcoholics anonymous can be contacted on   
0800 J-D-&-C-O-K-E
 
 

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06/03/2006

de l’egypte a majorque :)

By hairygoose
ok – i see cyber space is still inhabited by complete tossers – look at your space but wont let you see theirs!!!  BUTT HOLES !!
 
 
sort it out or stop reading my pages.

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06/03/2006

what to do when you are bored

By hairygoose
 
yesterday afternoon i was at a loose end so i decided to text a complete stranger a coded message – it read as follows
 
In Leningrad, the moose drive on the left only after 5pm. Sparkle
 
now, i made up a UK number and sent the text but nothing, whoever received it didnt respond.  Of course, the message was a complete left bollock – it has no meaning at all but i wonder what someone might think when they received a text like that from a foreign number.
 
tonight i will try again.
 
finally had a surf yesterday, found a small wave at my local beach and had a couple of hours in , before my testicles were smaller than a ferrets eye balls.  today i have a stinker of a cold, the water yesterday was freezing. when i woke up this morning i could see snow on the mountains.
 
surfing over rocks has its dangers. Yesterdays little session left me with a fin cut, a broken centre fin on the mal and a very scary moment when my leash got wrapped around a rock on the bottom while i was caught inside.  all in a days work for a CFT like me.
 
spent the day glueing windows into Nariida – a monster of a boat, owned my a very rich norwegian dude.
 
Anyway, tonight i will wrap up warm and watch a bit of tv – more repeats i bet, same music on the music chanels, i get tired of watching the music channels only to see would be gangsters and ghetto boys talkin lik dat!
 
oh fuck it – time to go.
 
 
 

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04/03/2006

where are they now

By hairygoose
below is a list of people i havent heard from in a while – if you know of their whereabouts or you are named here – get in touch
 
 
Sandhya desai – last seen many years ago in london – oxford street
Carol mayers – the out of office queen – last seen in loughton like all good essex girls with a bottle of lambrini
Mr & Mrs Oliver – last seen in Norway with nipples like ice picks
Kelly Gurnsey – last seen at xmas – mustafa number for her somewhere
Alex ´the fag´clifton – last seen at new year kicking the shit out of my car !!!!
Steve B was also due to be on this list but i just spoke to him
Max – last seen the day i left the uk – wandering the streets somewhere in leicester
Graham Richer – last seen riding white water just off the cornish coast (chicken shit)
Paddy (paul whitehouse) – last seen deep inside 50-50 hiding from mikey d
 
 
you know where to find me
 
for the queen!
 
 
 
 
 

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04/03/2006

while waiting for the surf

By hairygoose
i popped in to say hello.
 
i went shopping this morning at Porto Pi shopping centre. A real experience.  One thing i am certain of – spanish chicks are seriously hot, along the same lines as portuguese girls of course.
 
jet black hair (better if curly), black eyes, curvey figures – they just look so sexy.  turns out it wasnt so much as a shopping trip – more a babe fest and cosmic journey.  so after walking round with a semi for half an hour i headed for the check outs!
 
86 € – holy shit, i only normally spend 35€ a week!!!  ok, two pairs of jeans for work, 13€ each (less than a tenner to you non euro countries) and of course as they are for our new corporate image at work, Mikey D will be offering a refund, his newly founded company Yacht Engineering Solutions or Y.E.S. for short will soon be setting the dress code standard for palma boatyard.  That of course means i am a YES man – but dont panic, i simply refuse to morph into the corporate slag that i once was.  Mikey D also suggested that i might take a shave next week to woo a new customer – just hope he doesnt ask me to look at balance sheets, P&L and forecasting next!!
 
To take a razor to my handsome cheeks equal to one billy big step back on the corporate slag ladder.
 
Anyway, as i left the supermarket i had a serious case of trolley rage with one of the local 3 year old spanish dudes.  While walking with his mom, he was blocking my way. I wasnt that bothered and even had a smirk to myself but this little git, every three steps would look back over his shoulder and throw me an ice cold hard man glare that said í aint moving for shit mister´ his mom was clearly asking him to move over but each time she did, i got that glare! i kept chuckling to myself but he threw one glare too many.  suddelny, a long left hand reached out and grabbed his shirt collar – his mom yanked him out of the way.
 
of course i laughed as i passed, growled at him, flicked the bird and to really add insult to injury – shook my bag of smarties at him – little bastard!!!
 
I treated myself to James Blunt on the way out, they play it a lot over here.
 
Which brings me to spanish radio – what the f**k is all that about ?   you scan for ages to find a decent song, they play one an hour on each station then talk complete shite for the next 55 minutes – guess what i heard in the supermarket this morning ???????   SHAKING STEVENS – tons of you wont remember him.
 
if there is one thing i seriously miss from the UK is the abundance of good music – Jo Wylie – you are needed over here and bring that Zane Lowe dude with you too.
 
This week i am looking for a new apartment. i am convinced that there are others cheaper out there – one of the crew from cinderella is asking her landlady for me this weekend – seems a move to the city is on the cards. Decided to stay here for a few more months yet before returning to my beloved portugal.
 
anyway – enough for now
 
çiao
 

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03/03/2006

surf is coming

By hairygoose
a whole weekend of it too – looks like it will be pumping, so i doubt i will make it to the net over the weekend, catch me again on monday evening.
 
 
 
 
 
sandra – don´t flatter yourself !!!

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03/03/2006

asylum seekers

By hairygoose
I just watched some complete twat being interviewed on the bbc news.
 
he was protesting that failed asylum seekers were now being charged for healthcare, in particular a failed asylum seeker being charged for maternity care.
 
he was protesting that this was unreasonable, on top of that, the guidelines for the hospital concerned were that they should charge but not pursue the costs if the person does not pay up!
 
what a complete pile of shit……….FAILED ASYLUM SEEKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
by the time england finally gets its head screwed back on, it will be full of asylum seekers, scoungers and dossers who will have ground the country into bankrupcy or will blow it to pieces from within. all of the english taxpayers will have quit the country and gone somewhere else.
 
me, i live mostly in portugal and for part of this year in spain – i expect to live to their guidelines and laws, if i dont like it, i can sit and complain like a bitch or go back to my home country, a simple choice.
 
If i sit and complain, these bastards wont help me, they will just sit and laugh at me……..england – what are you thinking?
 
i got pissed off paying ten grand a year in taxes to watch the politicians not have a backbone and send people packing.  in the rest of europe, they wouldnt care, but then as england is such a soft touch, asylum seekers head there from all around europe.

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02/03/2006

Pirate FM

By hairygoose
by éck!
 
for those of you with a cornish twang – this may come as a surprise but in the internet cafe in mallorca – i am listening to pirate fm , cornwalls most rocking station – how wierd is that ?
 

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28/02/2006

life on the ocean wave

By hairygoose
tra la laa!
 
ok, been a while since i last wrote, i will be brief but sincere.
 
been struggling for inspiration for a while and then  – monday morning on the way to work – whammo!!! hit me straight between the eyes!! on a monday morning ??
 
the scene – driving into palma from my apartment, as you enter the city the sea front is one huge great horse shoe shape. it doesnt actually make it through 180 degrees but gets really close.  Monday morning was spectacular! i entered the city on the west side, i was overlooking the bay, the harbour, the boat yard and in the background some mountains. being slightly on a hill the elevation gave me a perfect shot of the sun rising over the hills – a beautiful sight – only one tune to play – chemical brothers – star guitar.  last time i played this was on my drive into the alentejo – you can read about that in the archives section.  The alentejo drive was far more inspiring (http://spaces.msn.com/maretatonel/?_c02_owner=1#toppage)  but for now, i will keep trying with mallorca.
 
In stark contrast to the previous friday, it rained ALL day, snow on the mountains and freezing cold everywhere else. rained so hard that the drains overflowed in palma and all over the island, rivers of raw sewage in the roads, on the pavements – heavenly.
 
i managed to work all weekend at mikes house and also late into the evening last night , hence my time away from the pc.
 
still cycling to work and running in the evenings but did nothing all of last week – i managed another black toe that stopped me from doing anything for 5 days but this morning got up super early to cycle 10 kms to work.
 
spoke with sandra on msn the other day – i enjoyed that.
 
not heard sight nor sound of james cole
 
miss my friends in portugal
 
miss my house
 
miss my beaches
 
miss my cats
 
 
oh well

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23/02/2006

my mom the raver

By hairygoose
its funny how you suddenly remember something from years and years ago
 
today i was working in the container ,listening to mallorcas dance music staion when a groovers tune came on and i found myself weaving my hands in the air – like i was trying to swat a fly.
 
suddenly, like a swift kick in the nuts – something came to me.
 
years ago when as a family we frequented the brownsover social club, me and my sister used to laugh at my mom when she was dancing.  her hands in the air, pulling them down hand over hand almost as if she were climbing a rope.
 
little did we know way back in the day, some 20+ years ago that my mom was infact pioneering the mystifying art of modern day rave dancing – in the heart of the midlands.
 
the dance was of course slow to catch on – more infact, the youth were waiting for suitable music to modify this new dance routine but today in dancehalls across the globe you can watch the youngsters performing this exact dance and many similar strains and variations of these moves – some will even add lib as they copy their unsung hero of dance – MY MOM.
 
of course – in the very early stages of arthritis, the leg work could not be performed.  This was copied from my grandma as she wobbled and hobbled across the dance floor trying to keep up with my mom – the modern strain of this dance is called break dancing.  in a fitting tribute to my grandma, modern break dancers will even use props to assist in their act , such as zimmer frames and walking sticks – something that my grandma still uses to this day!!

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