Monthly Archives: March 2006

cool runnings

tonight i smashed one of my run records, normally i manage just over 20 minutes to complete the distance, tonight i managed 18´54´´ – but then i had the stairs to contend with, 2´32´´ i was completely knackered when i got to the top, sweating like a rapist !!!
 
tomorrow i will cycle to work again, a round trip of 20kms.
 
this week, we will be working on saturday – extra wonga and a more relaxed vibe in the yard – this , i will look forward to

the da vinci code – dan brown

what a crock of shit!
 
this book was so lame it took me two months to read it. the first 100 pages sent me to sleep at night, then it got good for a bit, then i fell asleep again.
 
the author tries to make you think he is classy with all of his knowledge and laguage skills. there were so many words in this book that i didnt know, and also french language sections that i wondered if i woulld ever follow the plot without knowing what they meant.  sadly i did follow the plot, so that means the nonsense was a complete waste of time.
 
if you insist on reading it, have a french dictionary and and english one too – you will need them.
 
the twist in the story at the end almost made me blink with excitement – how boring! i see this book is in the news currently – i can only assume it is there because of a fraud – for being a best seller.
 
my advice, dont waste your time – go and have a poo instead.

Moving to the city

 
Ok, you can be the first to know.
 
last night i bagged a cool apartment in the old town of Palma. I move in at the end of the month.
 
the place is much bigger than my current place, better facilities, a balcony over the narrow street below, a shower that i can turn around in without knocking the taps either hot or cold, my own washing machine and an oven for cooking. All of this and reduced my rent by 200€ per month! perfect.
 
I have to share with the owner, who spends most of the time out of the country, her name is Cecile, a young french chick. I havent met her yet so i will let you know in due course if she is a biffer or a bunnie. naturally, of course, i am hoping she is a complete hunnie but i doubt my luck can be that good !  time will tell.
 
so today, it has been gloriously sunny, just like the weekend but it can change badly from day to day. monday was freezing cold, sunday was gloriously hot.
 
Anyway, before i run out of time, saturday 13th May, i will be in my hometown for those of you that fancy a beer at night. if you need further info, mail me or mail/call the sex pest on +44 7968 305 195 or dean_collier@hotmail.co.uk
 
he is a complete prick so please be very gentle with him – if you are a chick, make sure you hide your phone number when you call, he has several convictions for stalking young girls!!
 
çiao for now
 
 

September 11th 2001

it was one of those days – if you are 20 or above, i bet you can remember exactly where you were or what you were doing when the news broke.
 
me, i sat at my desk in northampton, working for what was then Hertz Lease, an american company. when the news started breaking, i hit the web, reuters, CNN, BBC – hungry to see what was going on.
 
As the day progressed – i could not have imagined, not even in my darkest dreams, what i would be seeing on the internet and tv. Not even Hollywood could have thought of a plot so gruesome. I sat, in complete bewilderment, completely lost for words – completely
 
 
Last night i watched a documentary on that day and the days after. It wasnt usual media crap, it was clips from ordinary people who had recorded events for themselves.
 
for all of you that consider our and their politicians war mongers, i urge you to think again.
 
one clip , a woman was filming the buildings collapsing from a very close distance. as she stood in the street filming the dust cloud billowing toward her, she suddenly realised the severe gravity of her situation. She kept filming, her voice was recorded as she began panicking after realising her life was seriously at risk.
 
she started back pedalling along the street , still with her camera filming , her voice cracking under the strain and pressure of what was about to bear down upon her.  Suddenly, from no-where an office door opened and a man shouted to her to get in – he grabbed her and dragged her inside – she was halfway to being a complete gibbering wreck by now when silently, the cloud of dust passed by the glass frontage of the building. The cloud was so thick and heavy that it completely blocked out all of the daylight – remember, this was just after 10am.
 
She realised that this stranger had litterally saved her life and began her thankyou´s accompanied by gallons of tears. at the same time she kept filming, panning across the reception counter where her two rescuers were cowering. I have never seen this level of fear on a mans face. it could not be matched by an actor, this man seriously doubted that he would get out alive as the thick clound of toxic dust passed them by.
 
Another woman told the programme how she filmed what she initially thought to be debris falling from the building. As the video played, she narrated, telling the audience that eventually she realised that it wasnt debris, it was infact people jumping from 80+ floors up because i assume they felt their chances of survival were better with a jump than they were staying put.
 
Now think back in history, way before i was even born. remember the japanese attack on pearl harbour. similar i guess for its day. a surprise attack with no warning. Americas ultimate response to that threat was a nuclear bomb.
 
in the days that followed september 11th, many people all over the world were probably waiting for america to release their nuclear capabilities on their newest biggest enemy. instead a calculated response was thought.
 
but in these modern times, bombs and bullets are not the only weapons. the media play a bigger part than any of that – and do they want to show you a balance of news? no – they want to load it to either discredit their leaders of to make it more saleable to the viewing public.
 
so do we sit back and hope such attacks wont be repeated or do we realise that in modern times, when dealing with fanatics, we may have to strike first or god forbid, kill our enemy!! anyway, the media…..
 
 

police camera action

on a lighter note, i watched an episode of police camera action the other night. it was a very old clip of a CBR1000 being chased and pulled over in london by two policemen in an old 827 rover. As the biker pulled over, the policeman started to get out of his car. the biker , seeing his chance, gunned the motor and sped off into the london traffic, the policeman, had no chance.
 
now, this is where the media talk shite – the original clip with the same presenter said – ´the bike had been reported stolen and the thief sped off into london never to be seen again´.
 
Many years later, the same clip was replayed but this time, the same reporter said. ´the stolen bike sped off and was later captured by police´.
 
would you ever believe the news again ?

norwegian air

congratulations to mr & mrs oliver – bun in the oven – up the duff – on the way to sprogg central  – whatever you call it, baby due september.
 
you can see a picture of carl in my photo archives with his lovely wife benedikte , camping out on a glacier – just for shits and giggles – also the seriously brave mr oliver hanging from the roof of the millenium stadium in cardiff doing some work to the roof.
 
best of luck to all of you
 
 

G3 FCS centre fins please

has summer arrived ? seems like it although talk is that it will get crappy again next week.
 
for now i dont care. headed to pegeura today and had a surf in the sunshine after what seems like an age of surfing in dullness. the water was still cold but once you are sitting on the board in the sun it keeps you warm a bit like a warm blanket.
 
the beach was busy too – people everywhere.
 
when i left the beach the sun was blazing so i popped in a classic tune, spearhead – oh my god! seemed to remind me why i had moved out ot the uk. sunshine, beaches, waves and of course gorgeous girlies!!!
 
tonight, i am going to be oh so cool and clean up my apartment. have a couple of calls to make to try to find a new place for next month but we will wait and see what happens.
 
i have also scoured the island this afternoon looking for a shop that sells surf board fins – nothing. can you believe it? there must be one somewhere, maybe a little local knowledge is needed. if anyone has a centre fin on FCS fixings, G3 or bigger, please let me know.
 
also bust the zip on the longboard board bag – wonde rif i can get that repaired >?
 
 
found the most gorgeous chocolate cake in sundowners. chocolate and orange cake, baked with slices of orange inside the cake – so good, i managed to eat two pieces today – fat pig.
 
oh well, time to go cook, i am starving hungry
 
catch you again on monday
 
 
çiao

Zeni June

where are you ?

the car is the star

ok so the other week while i was driving home along the passeo a wierd thing happened.
 
some nutter tried to flag me down to talk to me.  at the time of course i was a little curious. i was driving with both of my boards in the car and he had a woman with him, she was driving. i didnt stop of course and when we hit the motorway i nailed the shit out of my car.  that was a couple of weeks ago.
 
tonight when i left work there was a note on my screen (not another parking ticket like yesterday !!)
 
Palma Pictures ( a film company) want to rent my car for the day, and will pay me 230€ for the privellage – seems they are shooting an add campaign for a local hotel in palma. told them i am happy to help, will wait and see if they cal me tomorrow like they said.
 
me and him
 
i can only guess that this would be my darling sister and her husband – crash! although , if i am wrong i would love to hear more.
 
ok, and the mathematicians out there, try again, if the lard arse is 33% heavier than me, i cant be 13 stone can i ?  i am not 33% lighter than her – she is 33% heavier than me – there is a differentce, thats percentages for you, now go away and sit in a corner with your dunces cap on until you work it out and stop trying to be a smart arse!!
 
so anyway
 
suddenly over the last two days, it has got warm, i sat in the sun for 45 minutes today reading my book (thanks Kati) and i reckon i got a little bit burned!
 
time to go – keep the comments and abuse coming you muppets !!

the human slug

 
ok, tonight i feel compelled to write.  I sat at home this evening having something to eat and watching tv. Newsround came on.  When i was a kid it was called John Cravens news round but today it is just as wholesome. I like watching that news because it doesnt try to be dramatic or embelish, it is a little more real, a bit like a few years ago when i worked in the smoke with the big jobs, i would get to work and all the toffs would be talking about the latest share crisis or merger talks that they had seen on the news that morning – me, i much prefer to start the day with a big yellow bird, bert and ernie, the cookie monster or if lucky – the count!!
 
anyway, i wandered a bit then, let me get to the point, tonights leading story on newsround!!!
 
14 year old girl bullied at school because of the way she looks!  too afraid to return for fear of more bullying.
 
Now, maybe like me, in recent years, you think bullying has been over exagerated a little, ok sometimes it does happen but other times it is just kids being kids. Anyway, this 14 year old girl that was being bullied for the way she looks is 20 stone – yes twenty stone, i did not type that wrong.
 
let me put that into persepctive for you – at fourteen years old, she is 33% heavier than me, remember, i stand over six feet tall and have a heavy frame but this little porker would squash me flat. But she has been dieting – since christmas she has lost 5 pounds – yep , five whole pounds!!!! lets say thats half a pound a week – most of you reading this will probably crap that much each day!!! i certainly do.
 
While being interviewed, what do you think she was doing?  TAKE A WILD GUESS!!
 
playing a playstation portable.  Yep, the fat little knacker was content doing fuck all but stuffing her fat little cheeks and then excercising her thumbs until her hearts content.  Does she wonder why she is excessively overweight?
 
to add further pamper to this little porker, the local council had taken pity on her and started paying for home tutors so that she wouldnt even have to walk to school or to the bus stop!!! what is wrong with these people???
 
i remember once actually getting up to seventeen and a half stone myself and thinking what a fat twat i had become and i did something about it. Imagine if i had said to myself – oh i am getting a bit lardy – i will do something about it when i get to twenty stones!!!
 
ok fatties , listen up.  it is like this – if you eat shit and/or do bugger all excercise – you will get fat. no-one else to blame except yourself (although in this case i think the parents should bend over and take a good fisting). you can tell me that you have issues/illnesses but i just aint gonna buy it.  as my good friend alex told me once – how many fat people do you see in africa where food is scarce and they have to work hard to get it? the answer – zero, none, nada, zilch. run at a calorie deficit and you will not be fat – calorie overload and you will be one hell of a beast that sweats a lot on a hot day
 
bollocks to political correctness – I am all for good old fashioned common sense, just like my granma would say!