Tag Archives: Chimay Blue

Una Paloma Blanca !

If there are a few things I have learned in my near on 45 years on this planet, Algebra, Trigonometry and Transposition of Formulas are not three of them – although I will be attempting to learn those again early next year.

No, but I have learned a few things, specifically this week, I have been learning about Gym things – let me share them with you.

1. Why do people drive to the gym to then use a running machine?  How about you run to the gym, don’t go in, turn around and run home.  Saving yourself the gym membership and the cost of fuel in your 5.0 ltr V8 monster truck and getting a run out in the real world!

2. Better still, why the hell would you go to the Gym to use a step machine?  How about you head to the pikey flats around the corner and climb the stairs to the top (guaranteed the lift will be out-of-order or at least stinking of piss so much you wont want to use it).  If you really want to hot things up, you can knock on the drug dealers door and tell him you are selling on his patch, then see who can make it to the 12th floor first.

3.  The Gym is not a social club – Social Clubs are for socialising so go there instead.  There is nothing worse than watching a 50 something man, cheesing all over the women in the gym, leave them alone !  One guy at my gym, gets off his machine and gets onto the one next to the chicks and then constantly talks to them, worse still, he talks across the gym to them too, so I have to hear it over my headphones.

4.  If you are one of those women that likes the attention of the cheesing saddo’s mentioned above – please bear in mind that if you put as much effort into your workout as you do talking to the Cheese Meister – your arse would be half the size it actually is.  With a smaller, lighter arse, your big 5.0 ltr V8 monster truck won’t use quite so much fuel and you will be more attractive to less cheesier options.

5. Lastly but by no means least – NEVER FART IN THE GYM.  People are breathing hard, the last thing I need is to have to chew the eggy air around me after someone has dropped their guts in front of the vent for the air conditioning. What is wrong with you fucktards ?

 

There, moan over.  I got my first puncture on my new bike this weekend.  Quite a hefty one too

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And if that wasn’t enough for me, I also found some Chimay Blue for my troubles

 

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Now all said and done – the beer went down well with a Pizza – and me still weighing in at a pokey 88kgs !!  I am still left wondering how I managed to pick up suck a big nail on a bike tyre (sorry ‘tire’ for any yanks reading) but as a kid, I could always find punctures too – thankfully I was taught well on how to fix them.

Boulder, Colorado is drawing closer although I saw on the news today in the Gym while rowing hard and chewing eggy air that there was heavy snow on the mountains.  We have a saying on boats – there is no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothes.  Well, I have one lightweight army jacket with me and 4 T-shirts (5 if you include the FHRITP.com) so I might struggle a bit.

There, I think I am done for the evening, just want to leave you with a footnote.  In the 70’s when I hit the social club scene pretty hard with the parents, there was a song that everyone sang. Una Paloma Blanca. Turns out Paloma is spanish for Pidgeon, all this time they were singing about a white Pidgeon and I bet no-one knew.  If you need help remembering the song, check out the link below, turn up the volume, roll down your flares and file me under groovey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQK9k42ongU

Ah, rocking the Bedworth Working Mens Club, Radae Club, Roots at Ryton – man alive they were the days – Brownsover Social Club


Beardy Twats

Happily cycling along the coast road the other week between Monaco and Italy when I got overtaken by a group of 4 riders on road bikes.  Before you start munching off saying how I have been overtaken, remember, those road bikes are significantly more efficient than a dual suspension mountain bike on knobbly tyres and active suspension.  Never the less, I managed to pass these ‘cyclists’ on 3 occasions.  Sure, they might have been a little faster than me, but they kept stopping for a chat so I would pass them again.  No stamina these youngsters – but they did have fooking great big beards and were fully clad in road race lycra.  I doubt any of them were over 25 years old and they had beards thicker than the hair on my head – the beardy, lycra clad twats !

I did quit my job the other week so I have been off for a week now.  Heading to the States on Monday 5th May, and from there, sailing down to Rio de Janeiro for the world cup.  Once I get there, I swap out with the other engineer and get another month off.  The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice I said ‘sailing down to Rio’ – I am hugely pleased to announce that I am getting back on a sailing boat and plan never to return to a motor boat ever in my life again.  In fact, if you see me taking a job on a motor boat in the future, feel free to bend me over and give me a jolly good and rigorous fisting.

Today something really weird happened.  I was out yogging (that’s how posh people say Jogging!) in the forest.  The forest has really come to life since the last time I was here at the end of March.  The trees are full of leaves, the shrubbery is covering the forest floor again, it’s a real ‘thicket’ of activity.  I entered the forest, yogging at my normal pace, noticing the greenery on the trees and the pine and twigs on the ground. I had my music on but not too loud so I could still hear the background noises, the birds tweeting, twigs snapping under foot, rapists breathing heavily from the bushes, when a song came on.  Have you ever seen the film ‘Apocalypse Now?’.  I had just entered the forest when the Doors started singing ‘The End’.  It was a surreal moment that put me on full gook alert, checking trees for snipers, under bushes for tunnels, behind fallen trees for rows of punji sticks that might catch me out and leave me to bleed to death.  Not to worry, I had a full clip and only two clicks to yomp.

Staying with music for a moment, I had my phone playing music randomly the other day.  Well, I thought it was random, but it soon became apparent that it was scrolling through alphabetically by artist.  I can now officially confirm that I have 7 slightly different versions of Sonique’s ‘It feels so good’ in my iTunes library.  Not a bad running track as a single play item – after the 7th, I was ready to hang myself from a tree.

The Rangie has just cost me 500€ to have an oil leak fixed.  Here’s the thing, the seal itself was just 7€ but by the time the gearbox oil was drained, filters and gaskets replaced, it was a tad more expensive.  I never have liked parting with cash, especially when it is something I have the ability to fix for myself, albeit lacking the equipment to do so – but when I got seated and fired her up, I knew with was a love affair that won’t be ended easily – and certainly not over a 500€ garage bill.  In stark comparison, I just went to the local store for some milk and 2 bottles of Chimay Blue.  3ltrs of milk and 2 Chimays, a tad over 7€ – now that is something I can live with.  Beer, the same price as milk – no wait, let me re-phrase, top quality beer the same price as milk!

My new job awaits, a 46m sloop called ‘Pink Gin’.  I am looking forward to getting on board and getting stuck in.  We did a deal that gives me a minimum of 8 months work a year, the rest of the time is all mine.

And that’s about all I wish to share with you right now – I did negotiate christmas off this year so expect me to be around – annoying the crap out of you all.

 

Charlie Doesn’t Surf !!!!!