It was billed as the definitive Cobain movie – do you think it lived up to the hype?
For me, yes. I sat watching silently as his life unravelled before my eyes, from a cute blond hair blue-eyed kid to an unlikely superstar for the masses before his demise and death.
It didn’t answer the big question though – Why? – but I don’t think it wanted to, or could !
I have been trying to decide if taking your own life is a brave thing to do. Undoubtedly it is selfish as hell but is it brave too? It would certainly take guts to be stone cold sober, put a gun under your chin and pull the trigger being fully aware that there will be no more. Make it a good shot and arguably there would be no pain either – would you even know it had happened?
Choose a slower method, like jumping off a bridge, and you would have a few seconds on the way down to contemplate your actions, most likely regret them. All of the suicide survivors that have leapt from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco expressed immediate regret for their actions after leaving the bridge.
Cobain’s drug induced frenzy surely would have numbed his senses but he must have previously considered his actions and laid plans to execute them and himself.
Jeffrey Spector is in the news today about his recent trip to Dignitas in Switzerland to end his life as he saw fit, supported by his family – I can’t think that anyone would not consider this man brave for the decision he made.
Two people, worlds apart, take decisions that ultimately have equal results – the loss of their own life – yet as we look in, we only can empathise with one of them – the other is a confusing mystery that will never be fully understood.
When we have simply had enough – shouldn’t we be able to turn our own lights out ?
I saw an old chap earlier this week, sitting in his wheelchair at the beach. He was old, with his carer, who I don’t doubt for one minute had not just helped get this dapper old chap dressed for the trip, but was wholly responsible for him being clothed at all. As I observed the old guy twitching and shaking in his chair, seemingly unable to control his body movements and most likely his own destiny – the usual thought came to me – if my life ever amounts to something similar – please let me turn out the light, never let me get past the point where I can’t switch that switch. When my body is used up and worn out – it has served its purpose, taken me on a trip, made stories, friends, enemies and many memories – but when my time is up – let me go.
Cobain is still a dilemma for me. See, some people just aren’t meant to get old, maybe that was him. What if I am wrong though? What kind of music would he be writing today, would him and Courtney Love still be together, how would Frances Bean be different, would the Foo Fighters even exist? There are so many unanswered questions, not just the big WHY?
Phew – on a lighter note, I very nearly bit the dust tonight. If it hadn’t been for the unusually attentive driving of one of the Majorcan locals and her ABS system, I would have been pulling Ford Focus windscreen from my forehead for the next couple of weeks. It was so close, I could hear her gasp for air as I appeared from behind the line of parked cars diving the wrong way up a one way street. I apologised and asked her is she was OK (all in my best Spanish of course) because clearly I had scared the shit out of her – but let me tell you – I think that was possibly the closest call of my life so far, even after years of riding fast motorbikes at ridiculous speeds – this one left me physically shaking.
Live Every day as if it were your last – it may well be !
The November Archives 