Bee in my Bonnet

Somebody once told me that Starbucks sold coffee – if that is true, why is it that whenever I go to the one on SE 17th St, every table is full of one solitary wanker with their laptop? I am sure their money is as good as mine, I just wonder why they feel they can drink one coffee, take up 4 spaces, become a band width leech and sit it out for hours at a time, all off the back of one coffee.

In fact, I wonder if Starbucks took a stance on this, kicked the tossers out, they might make more profit from people like me that want a coffee and a cake and to sit for just 5 minutes.  Maybe then they could afford to pay their corporation tax in their country of origin.

Rant almost over

I realise working in Burger King isn’t the greatest of career choices, I am sorry.  Maybe you are just starting out, maybe you are down on your luck, maybe just earning a few extra bucks to feed the kids. Please, please, please, please, please – a little bit more concentration with your false niceness when you ask me if you may take my order. I am always jolly, happy and polite, I will even try to make you smile with my british charm and humour to help you with  (what I appreciate is) a very dreary day in your life – BUT – when the only thing right with my 3 item order is the bottle of water I asked for, you really do need to try harder!  You see, for me, and you may choose to laugh this off as a tongue in cheek statement – for me, a trip to Burger King is a treat, something that I look forward to, it gets my saliva flowing, that once a quarter treat for being a good boy. I know it’s shit, unhealthy and a full days calories in one hit but every now and then, like most people who exercise and eat healthily – we want to try that gangsta food, to feel like a wanna be rapper with our caps tilted to one side as we flash our gold teeth at the girl wiping tables –  it makes us feel like the  Marshall Mathers bad asses that we would have been if we were born on the other side of the tracks. Now, I could have gone to McDonalds, but true to Burger King’s advertising slogan – it really does ‘Just taste better’.

I just read that paragraph above once more – that mention of a bottle of water sounds so pretentious eh?

Fuck it !   Last whine of the evening.  Pronunciation………lets get things sorted

Water is pronounced  ‘water’ not ‘warder’. It’s basic english language, pronounce it as it is spelt.  ‘Jaguar’ not ‘Jagwar’!! Your Daughter is your daughter, not your ‘dawder’.

 

Nah – I lied – this is my last whine of the evening.

If you must have the draw bridge opened to pass under with your boat, at least have a mast worthy of the bridge opening palava – not some puny little item that is only 50 feet tall FFS !!!!  Tonight the draw bridge interrupted my run on the way out and also on the way in with two separate openings.  This really pisses me off for a couple of reasons, maybe even three.

1. It stops my run and also prevents me getting a good time.

2. On a 6k run, it means I am too fecking slow, I shouldn’t get caught by the bridge twice, it only opens every half hour.

Nope – only two reasons.

 

Before My head explodes, I need to welcome some recent new ‘followers’.  I would like to call them ‘Beliebers’ but I am not some pre-pubescent wanker with more money than life experience.

Please welcome Opinionated Man, Shaun 890 & Shaun Furman (probably one and the same if you ask me).  I would also like to give a shout out to Vanda Panda – I think this might be the first time I have done that, also Sue Smith, been a while too. Shazza Evans is also new to this so she gets a shout out too.

Heading to Boulder, Colorado at the end of next month for a well deserved break – expect some stories.

 

 


2 responses to “Bee in my Bonnet

  • jellyandcustard

    Yo HG, it’s good to ‘hear’ you have a proper Grumpy Ol’ Man moan. I do it, lots. Speaking of ‘water’ vs ‘warder’, here in Northampton in the middle of the shires, proper Northamptonians do not say ‘water’ but rather ‘wah-er’. They drop the double tees. Butter therefore is ‘buh-er’.
    I don’t hear it very often but, it is a Northamptonshire quirk. It’s bound to drive you to grumpy extremes much like me.

  • Sue Smith

    I think that’s probably the first time I’ve seen you write Sue as my name

Have a moan - the beers are on me !!

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