Dear Drooper

for the past few months i have been pursued by a very cute 18 year old equadorian virgin. To date, i have gracefully declined her frequent requests to be the first person to ‘ make love ‘ with her.
There are some things that i believe you should achieve in your lifetime. one is, having sex with someone twice your age, the other is having sex with someone half your age.
I am pleased to say that i achieved the first, before i myself reached an age that would mean the older woman would have been indecently old but the second, well, how can i consider the idea of dating someone who is the right age to be dating my son ?
It just feels wrong. I have therefore decided that i will wait until i am around 60 years old to achieve the latter. That way, i will be known as a dirty old man instead of a middle aged pervert.
Of course, it is very flattering to receive so much attention but some things just weigh on your mind too much!
So enough about that, now let me talk some complete bollocks for a while
looks like we will be sailing by the weekend and i wonder what sort of problems i will be encountering. i have a feeling i will be working my ass off for the summer as i battle to keep things running on the new boat. this week will see it all come together and sea trials will see exactly how much of the boat is up to scratch.
i have started packing again today, although i wonder if that is an accurate statement. think about it for a moment, i never actually finished unpacking, so i wonder, is the glass half empty or half full, it could be a win win situation, or even better still, a win win win situation, a loss leader, positive publicity – long live corporate bullshit.
I’m very concerned by recent entries in this page. the amount of foul and abusive language is getting out of control, especially on the sabbath, the great day of rest. as always, feel free to turn to another station or write to points of view in the usual manner at the usual address and you know how to start your letter……
why oh why oh why oh why oh why………….blah blah blah, nag nag nag………..old age fart………nah nah nah……..absolutely disgusting………blah blah blah………..what has the BBC come to?………… yaketee yak………hurrah for carol vorderman
can you tell what it is yet? is it just me, when i listen to natalie imbruglia i always feel like summer is here! didnt want to leave you with the wrong impression.
i am getting bored, i am even considering venturing onto the poo filled streets of palma to get some more dog poo shots. have to do some washing first, which normally means a trip to masons, as the machine here is still broken. i did offer to buy them a new one in lieu of two weeks rent but they declined. i am uncomfortable with the fact that they will return here to a broken washing machine.
 god save the queen
authors footnote – Roxanne, please remember, you dont have to put on the red light!!

Have a moan - the beers are on me !!

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