tonight i walked into one of my many local bars and asked for a guinness. of course, i spoke spanish with my best accent. When the girl asked me if i wanted something else, i must have looked really confused because she then asked in english if i wanted peanuts. ah.
turns out she is from sweden and a little scary if i say so myself. ok , there is a very fine line between friendly and scary and she was teetering right on the edge. not that she was visually scary but i always get a little worried when a perfect stranger is over friendly to me, i always seem to attract the nutters.
so anyway, we conversed for some time until i had to contemplate leaving or ordering another pint. By this time, we had established that she had a boyfriend (from dublin as it happens) so i figured i was safe to stay on a while and sink another pint of the black stuff. we talked about sweden and of course england, london and manchester to be specific. why does everyone want to go to london? beyond me, i worked there for long enough and know its true colours.
And another blindingly obvious question emerges. here in mallorca, when people find out i live in portugal, why do they always ask if i speak portuguese???? every time without fail. óh, you live in portugal, do you speak portuguese?´i guess it would be kinda hard not to after being there for two years.
so eventually i got to learn that her boyfriend hassles her for not dressing like a girl girl. she looked like a girl to me, infact cute i would say without hesitation. i tried to explain that the latin spirit means that women always look elegant and faultless and maybe this wasnt the place for her to be looking ´different´. it was good to hear her say that she told her boyfriend that if he didnt like the way she dressed then he should find another girl. of course, he is still with her.
anyway – enough of that crap, after two pints of guinness, i was a little pissed !
last night i had an awesome dream. I was back at leaseplan in sunny slough. for some reason , i was just visiting to see my old friends when i ended up in a ´team meeting´headed by all of the old dial contracts crew. the management team were trying to quell the unrest in the troops when i started laughing. One of the dial crew spotted me sitting on the floor laughing and pointed to me saying that i had something to add.
as i started to speak, a young fella by the name of christian started shouting at one of his colleagues. i put my hand on his shoulder and asked him to be quiet. again he started shouting and again i put my hand on his shoulder and asked him to be quiet so that i could speak. again, he started shouting , at which point i landed my hand on his shoulder and told him to shut up. finally , i had the rooms attention and i was about to start telling the ´management´team where they were going wrong with how they were talking to people and being evasive, secretive and being out and out liars when all of a sudden, my bloody alarm clock rang to wake me up.
shit i hate it when that happens, i was just about to share my expertise with them all when it went belly up.
now add to that, me waking up with what i thought was a splinter in my little finger. turns out it was a short and fat thorn that was hurting something similar to a paper cut at the edge of my fingernail and you begin to see my confusion…….i hadnt been garden hopping or knicker pinching so where did it come from?
And i hadn´t even been eating cheese!!
but you think that is wierd? well, some dude landed on my site yesterday after searching for ´jo whiley naked´.OK , if you dont know who jo whiley is, you are probably flashing your bus pass at the driver as you board the bus, but let me tell you, she is the goddess of all that is radio. i have no doubt that she has far too much class to pose naked. anyway, seems he picked up on an old blog about jo whiley saving my life, crossed over with the new name of my page, ´the naked surfer´. and you know what? he never even looked at my photos – perverted tosser!
anyway, you have just read a passage that was written under the influence of two pints of guinness. i told you i was a crap drinker.
come back soon
The November Archives 
November 20th, 2006 at 20:02
piss head xxxxxxx