Tour of duty

well, finally my time here draws to a close. i have been away from england for 19 months now and am enjoying the new experieces of life. There are many differences between the uk ( the island as it is referred to in the rest of europe). Through portugal and certainly in mallorca, law and order take a massively different perspective, i reckon they focus more on the important things rather than the non important stuff but let me give you a few examples.

Here in mallorca, i can cycle to work every day, no mean feat i hear you cry but imagine this. I am riding the wrong way on a one way street. no-one is shouting abuse at me or sounding their horn, it is the norm. I have even cycled on a one way street the wrong way, no handed towards a police car. what did they do? nothing more than get nearer to the kirb to give me more room, no windows down, no finger wagging – nothing

Compare that to england. cycle the wrong way there, horns from every car, pedestrians shouting at you and the old bill would lock you away for a month while you were sectioned. In fact some years ago while courting a very attractive young girl i was cycling to work with her on my cross bar, a very romantic gesture! A patrol car passed us at the far end of a street, drove around the block and came back to us, making me drop the girl off on the path.

 the helmet laws here had me all confused for a while. The law says that you should wear one. some people do, some dont, others simply plonk it ontop of their head without pulling it down. even a horse riding helmet is considered ok. The police figure that you are only going to injure yourself so why should they worry? But be warned!!!! piss the law off here and the only thing you will get is a six pack of whoop ass opened on you.

Below is a link i found on the web, it shows a robber in mainland spain fleeing from a bank after telling the staff he had a hand grenade. He made a randsome demand for a motorbike to make his escape and they gave it to him. Now before you click on the link to see how the spanish feds dealt with this tosser – i read in the daily mail this week that police in england refused to pursue a youth who had stolen a moped. their reasons – if he crashed he might sue them for injuries because he wasnt wearing a crash helmet. Where is the justice in that? now before you read on – click on the link below, turn on your speakers and see the european way of dealing with trash like that


 so now you might see the subtle differences between blighty and the rest of mainland europe. some might say that being able to break the law by riding down the street the wrong way is just the begining of social decline and being one step closer to a lawless community – but i just dont see it. A liberal but hard line approach seems to work and also gives people the freedom to enjoy life before they die, which is what life is all about. we all know right from wrong but if by doing wrong, you are not harming anyone else, why should that be a problem?

of course, the biggest difference comes with the weather but i cant help you with that, other than to say even in the hot spots of europe we still have water all year round.

I also read this week that england currently takes in around 2 million immigrants a year. Staggering. I also read that 1 million brits are leaving their homeland each year. you work it out – in 7 years an englishman will be a minority in his own country. I was amazed to read that but what also added thought to the statement was that last week i saw a police car with a spanish flag sticker on the rear…….you know what i am going to say next eh? yep, uproar in england, racist police showing the english flag blah blah blah. not that they are and not that other ethnic groups would be bothered, just the politicians looking to score points.

see, i live in spain and abide by spanish law, i also live in portugal and abide by portuguese law and on the odd occasion i am in england, i abide by their laws. If i have issues with abiding by a certain countries law, i move, simple as that. I dont expect special treatment but i do expect equal treatment.


so enough of my rant. let me tell you about mallorca.

a beautiful island, very rich indeed. contrasting from the north to the south but wherever you are, it is greener than portugal.

there are billions of gorgeous spanish chicks here, and once you have a taste of that gorgeous latina shape, there is no going back.

it is very much a place to look good. the girls take such a pride in their appearance. yeah, i guess sometimes that is a little anal for me but you never see one looking daggy, which all adds to the beauty of the place. tons of long black curly hair – i reckon i am into that more than i am into red hair now – what a shift in expectations.

but here’s the thing – when i come back in november, i think it will be time to have a serious sniff around for a good woman. yep, you heard it here first – the eternal bachelor is on the sniff , but not for the next four months eh – afterall, there is surf to be had.

so, in 7 hours time, i will wave bye to palma as it nestles in a meditereanean evening, with a little sadness too.


be good


verao em portugal!!

Have a moan - the beers are on me !!

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