Monthly Archives: April 2006

oh fiddlesticks

you know the type of day.
 
bored shitless, nothing to do but wander around the town like a lune, taking photos of stuff and people.
 
you get home and have a little hunger but make a point when you are shopping of not buying nibbles because usually they are full of crap.
 
imagine your surprise when you open the fridge and lurking near the back is a full packet of chocolate digestives – chilled to perfection alongside some skimmed milk absolutely loaded with calcium!
 
you just gotta sit and eat the whole lot – that the law in mallorca, so i was told.
 
not wishing to be considered a law breaker, i happily obliged and scoffed the whole packet along with a litre of milk!

The hunt for P G

ok, with easter weekend about to hit i decided that (a) i would treat myself to a box of PG Tips and (b) i better get out early before the shops filled up with the millions of people that feared they would not have enough food in the house to last them for three days.
 
So, once more i headed in the general direction of the porto pi babe lair!  despite the early hour, there were a few quality pieces around, a distinct lack of milf´s but still, not to complain.
 
I turned the tea aisle and started scanning for my beloved PG ( they just use the tips you know!!). surely it could not be – no – no way – no PG!!!! at this hour?  maybe i had been outfoxed by 100 other brits who turned up extra early and bought all the stocks but no, i could not find a single box. Plenty of Twinnings Earl Grey but we all know that tastes like shit and only the over eighties actually enjoy drinking it.
 
So i had to leave without my beloved. The shock and mental trauma also made me forget my brown sugar so i decided that at some point, i would head to Portals to the supermercado cidon, they have pg and brown sugar – admittedly not unrefined organic cane but shit man, in times of drought we all gotta drink dirty water.
 
i bagged a place in the square and went in the shop.
 
no bloody pg either!!  i immediately phoned the british consulate and raised my concerns that us tea loving brits might wither in the heat without pg – they of course promised to send a double O agent as soon as he returned from the chechen border.
 
 

big update

due tomorrow with two new photo libraries and a massive massive read for you to get locked into.
 
check back tomorrow

where is ……………

colin french

given to fly

today at the boat yard i couldnt help but notice a big fat tosser pulling up on what was a big low and fat custom bike, something like a dragstar i think.
 
anyway, while casting a look i noticed the front tyre was a little low on pressure. i considered my next actions for a moment, surely the guy would have noticed the curious handling from a tyre that was clearly low on pressure?
 
i pondered a little longer while i carried on with my work until my better side came out. I wandered over to the dude and in my best spanish told him the tyre was flat and needed air.
 
he looked at me all confused. i asked if he was english, of course he was.
 
i told him in english about his tyre. said it would have him off at the next turn and he should blow it up.
 
guess what he said?
 
ít´s in for a service next week, they will do it then´!!
 
what a complete wanker!!  unfortunately this is the sad face of modern biking, full of fat sad old twats that havent got a clue.  I am sure my buds back in england would agree.  out here there are loads of them, born again, trying to look cool on their harley fat boys when the only thing fat about them is their lazy ass bellies laying on the tank.
 
i doubt he realised the handling was off and i doubt even more that he knew how to use the tyre gauge at the petrol station – the gimp!
 
 
for ryan

home sick.

it gets harder each day.
 
each time a big ferry leaves the port , it blasts its horn a few times. i can always hear them. it is a sound that makes my ears stand up to attention a bit like an old hunting horse when the trumpet is blown for the hunt.
 
sometimes i watch the ferries push off and chug gently out into the med and have a little think to myself – `someday soon i will be going home´.
 
not that mallorca is a bad place, its just that portugal is so good. i am sure you have read my rants over the months raving on about how much i love the place – truth be said, i am ready to return. remember, to live in portugal is the whole reason why i left my jobs in england, sold my house and possesions and took a monster road trip all that time ago. I grew my hair, stopped shaving, gave my iron and ironing board away and generally enjoyed the good things in life.
 
i long for the ability to go to the beach and sit there all day and surf at will, i miss bumping into my friends that are doing exactly the same, i miss the pace of life, the dusty roads, the policemen that salute you when they stop you on the roads, all of those 14 sandy beaches that i can reach within 15 minutes of home, the sunshine, the sea breeze, the bubble lounge, mareta with a wave, the dog rock at tonel, work at auto rapo, sean the mad irishman wandering in with beer and soft drinks, ben pissed as a fart, sandrina – oh sandrina, all the hot latinas that live locally, the sunsets, the sunrises, my house , the cats, the dirty germany girls, sagres, belly beach and much much more.
 
so , soon i will return,surf until my arms drop, fix up my house and generally get backinto the good way of life.
 
until then, head down and keep working.

happy birthday jake

16 tomorrow, time really does fly.
 
check out his page at
 
 
 
 

please try this at home

a little experiment that wont get your house burned down or result in you taking a trip to casualty.  all i ask is that you post your results on this page as a response.
 
ok, go into you kitchen and open the drawer where you keep your knives and forks.
 
i bet you 40 cents that you have the knives in the left section, the forks in the middle and the spoons on the right ???
 
the only reason i ask is that over here i noticed that it is the other way around, spoons on the left, forks in th emiddle then knives on the right – a bit like driving on the wrong side of the road ????????

my name is………………

Gertrude Bartholemew Butterscotch!!

where is ……………

gentleman jim?