First lets start off with a running fuck slap on all of those Estate Agents out there – lets face it, they just deserve it if for no other reason than they are a lazy bunch of bastards. Think I am wrong? well, today I made 4 phone calls and 1 email to get through to someone about arranging a viewing on one of their properties. Best of it all, when you phone up, the options menu greets you, press 1 for lettings blah blah blah, then the next option menu appears, press 2 for viewings, then leave a message on their voice mail because they don’t start work until 10am or are just too busy knocking one out in the toilet. If you have ever been into Horts Estate Agents in Rugby, you, like me, would appreciate that you could very easily gob a very sticky greenie from one end of the office to the other and there are never more than 5 people in there so why can’t they just pick up each others phones ? Fucking amazing the lack of service that we accept these days and the amount of complete and utter fuckwits that deliver that lack of service.
Last week I went to a viewing and the fella turned up with the wrong keys !
Anyway, on a lighter note, I had a group iMessage session today with Steve and Rue. Reading it back afterwards, I suddenly realised what a complete load of bollocks we had been speaking. It was so far out there that I want to share it with you. So here we go
me – diesel has gone up 8 cents a litre
Rue – Time to fill up save me some !!
Steve – Yep, up to $58 a barrel from 45 – quick to raise prices aren’t they
me – And not so quick to drop them I suspect
Rue – Fuck I just up my prices down yesterday !!
me – Getting back from the store with a fresh loaf only to find you have no butter in the fridge – priceless
Steve – Up my prices down ? Are you Welsh?
Steve – Who’s coat is this jacket
me – He’s from the Valleys you know
Rue – Rather be called a cunt than Welsh!!
me – How about a Welsh cunt for real effect?
Steve – 🙂
me – Or grumpy cunt
me – ah no – that’s what we call you already
me – How about gummy
Steve – Estate Agent round tonight to value the house
me – I was once referred to as ‘boat boy’ by the 15 year old daughter of a milf I was shagging
me – Do I get first refusal
Rue – Butter is the devils spunk (statement issued by the sunflower spread makers)
Steve – What of ? The mild?
Steve – Milf
Rue – I would rather be grumpy than moving like you too!
me – you are grumpy and we are moving
me – but you are a grumpy twat and that is where the difference lies
Rue – long as I’m not Welsh
Steve – I heard a story, put butter and margarine outside and the flies only land on the butter!
me – Oh fuck, I left a tea bag stewing while I came downstairs for a shit, that will be munted by the time I finish wiping
Rue – Shit one !
Steve – Sometimes it’s quicker to shower
me – I hate wasting pyramid bags
Rue – They’re not for wiping your bum with !
Steve – Ha
me – Stop interrupting me on my wipe cycle
Steve – Dare you to re-use the tea bag after the wipe cycle, your weird
me – any more interruptions during wiping and I will be forced to turn on facetime
Steve – Ha Ha thank god for the 3GS
me – OK, fresh tea in hand, another tea bag sacrificed
So there you have it, general opinion is that girls talk about everything but now confirmed is that boys talk absolute bollocks.
I don’t have anything else to share with you at this moment in time other than a couple of thought for the moment – Being middle aged is not so bad – it is perfectly acceptable to be chasing Gilfs as well as Milfs – Age is just a number! Alternatively, after watching a big black bird landing on what was a reasonably thin branch the other day, I was left wondering how a bird knows a branch will hold its weight when it lands on it – they must be very successful at gauging this as I have never witnessed a bird/branch fatality, much like I have never seen a swan break someones arm. Just one of life’s little mysteries.
Happy Birthday Bradley