I am almost home and dry, my watch will finish by 17:00 on Thursday 30th January and I am looking forward to my two months off (which ironically is also one of Underworlds greatest tracks). Will I miss Italy – not one bloody bit.
I have devised some plans that are guaranteed to piss of the Italians.
1. Increase the tax on ice cream
2. Raise the price of fags by a euro
3. Enforce traffic laws
4. Make them all do ‘National Service’ in customer service jobs
5. Make them start and finish work on time
Of course, if any of those fail, we could always remind them that it was only a couple of generations ago that they stood shoulder to shoulder with the Nazis.
Why am I so annoyed with these muppets? 4 times now, I have come close to getting run over while on pedestrian crossings (with the green man lit) and when I say close, I mean ‘punching the bonnet’ close. Two twisted ankles while running on the roads – for all the forest and cross country running I have covered, I have NEVER twisted an ankle – give me 3 months in Genoa and I get two. Contractors blatantly lying to me face to face, a lack of ability to achieve even the most simple task on time and/or to an acceptable level but most of all, their ability to make me feel like I need to apologise to them for their short comings.
So what next? Egypt ! Seems to be a bit of a war zone at the minute but that has potential to turn into a huge adventure of getting out of a war torn country on foot, alive and sane.
Italy has provided me with some winning situations though. I have broken my 10k record time twice now (once only 6 days after my 2nd twisted ankle) and yesterday I also beat my mountain bike top speed record and pushed the envelope (listen to my corporate speak) up to 44.3mph. I also have 4 days left to break my 7k and 5k records which I fully intend to do unless I have another twist.
I gave a security guard a run for his money the other night, I came running in one of the exits to the shipyard and heard him get off his seat. Next he was out of his gatehouse shouting at me to stop but I thought better of it. I was against the clock and I was pretty certain he would be too lazy to actually give chase – and I was also hoping that if he decided to draw his gun, he would be as shit a shot as he was an athlete. I never stopped, he never shot me, that has to be a win win situation.
Now, I have to get lucky again tomorrow night as I run the 5k and turn in past his gatehouse again I will be sprinting for almighty with plenty of Billy Big Steps – if nothing else, the incentive to dodge bullets should get me a good 5k time. As a minimum I will be running in a zig zag pattern until out of shooting range.
Come Friday morning, I will be road tripping again – Switzerland at first light and into the snowy Alps. I will be trying very hard this time not to trip any speed cameras before hitting the dizzy heights of downtown Brussels and my first Belgian beer in 3 weeks.
I spotted 2 new adventures this week on the TV. A 10 mile race up and then back down Snowdon and then a full marathon through Snowdonia. I expect to be signed up for both of them before too long
Next race is scheduled for Saturday 8th February in Coventry as I hit the local Park Run again, Poopie Pants will be there, and so might my sister if she isn’t too busy looking into when she gets her pension book.
February 3rd, 2014 at 16:27
Hi Wayne, I correct myself at my praise of your previous post which I think I said was ‘the best yet’. This post is great. I read your plans that are guaranteed to piss off the Italians to Moira, she laughed! Moira and I have come close at least once at her home town, Lentiai, to getting run-over. It is only because she knows the score in Italy that I didn’t get walloped. A few people have stopped – must be chilled mountain-type people or British 🙂 I have to say too that I have had some good sporting experiences in Italy. I have cycled through the river at Lentiai, the Piave river. I managed to get to an island of stones in the middle and just chilled out there. It rained but, it was summer and it felt great. I have considered posting my views and comments on your blog but, I see most no one else does. So, if I have something to say, I’ll say it here. All the best Bud, Connor. Date: Sun, 26 Jan 2014 13:15:25 +0000 To: email@example.com
February 5th, 2014 at 03:14
It can take a while for people to catch on. This year The November Archives will be 9 years old, maybe in another 20 years people will feel more comfortable to post comments? In its little lifetime – a tad over 43,000 hits, not too shabby for a warbling old twat !!
My current aim is to break through the 30 people barrier for subscriptions – beyond that – the universe is my oyster.
Look left before you cross – watch out for those Alfa’s and feel free to use my blog to comment and remark at your free will and leisure
January 26th, 2014 at 14:29
Would rather be drawing my pension than be called Poopie Pants!