Bobbing gently off the east coast of Sardinia at the moment – just had a thought.

Logged into FB this week to two event requests for 50th Birthday celebrations. Now, it only seems like yesterday when it was all 18th’s, 21st’s and the odd 25th (easier to get bar extensions).  Now all I seem to attend are 50th celebrations or funerals.  A sign of getting old I am afraid.

Another sign of getting old is clothes shopping.

Last Friday I had an interview.  As it was for a Tug Boat engineer I was opting for smart casual rather than business formal attire.  A pair of corduory trousers would be the go I thought.  Maybe a nice golden brown/tan colour.  About right for a gent of my years.

Next thought was where would the best place to find such attire?  Sainsburys – without a doubt. Aparently not.  Stretch Chinos seem to have taken over the world!  Tescos perhaps?  Nope, stretch Chinos really have taken over the world.  Next, my optimism spread to M&S.  More stretch Chinos, or, a trouser that would have been at home in the mid 70’s.

Getting frustrated now, I decided my next best option was to slum it in TK Maxx.  Has anyone ever found anything of use in that place?  What a mess. At least there were other options than stretch Chinos but sadly you see something you like and they just don’t have it in your size.

Walking back to the car, head hanging heavy and wondering where else I could try that wouldn’t cost me a weeks wage for a pair of trousers, I saw a sign through the gloom.  There, shimmering through my cloud of man shopping depression was a sign……a sign in lights……there was hope……..it was called………..NEXT.

My first thought was – no way, there is no way anything in there was for me.  I was desperate, I ventured in, and as always when you are man shopping – headed up the stairs.

It only took a handful of seconds before my optimism was completely shot to shit. Wall to wall Chinos.  Stretch Chinos at that.  To really rub it in – skinny or straight fit, just like the supermarkets.  Then, a second glimmer……..MY SIZE !!

No way, it wasn’t going to be was it? was it really about to happen – I , me, could actually find myself buying something from Next.  That got shot to shit pretty quick too. Problem being – Extra Skinny !!!

Come On !!!!!!

My problem is big feet see.  Put me in a pair of skin tight anything and I do look like a 9 iron from Tiger Woods golf bag.  A pair of size 12’s poking out of the bottom of a pipe cleaner is a good analogy.  I much prefer a boot cut for a couple of reasons.  Primarily it helps cover my clown sized feet but they also have hippy undertones, I like that.

Completely miffed with life now, I was hoping that the 12 year old would come out from behind the till  and ask if he could help me.  At which point I would have bent my elbow, gently raised a pointed finger towards the ceiling speakers and asked ‘Can you turn that shit down?’

I interviewed in a pair of jeans and a casual shirt and was instantly offered the job.

Aint life a peach !