Duck Dynasty is back !!!

Of all the crap that is on TV these days, it is refreshing to have something like this.  If you haven’t yet seen it, you absolutely have to, the wisdom of Si knows no bounds – good to see common sense has prevailed – and in the American race too !

I coined a new phrase today – ‘about as much use as an Italian employed in a customer service department’.  That goes out to Connor, who not only married one but is also making a pilgrimage back here about now I guess.  I would ask why – but he is South African so is naturally beyond help !

I did the double tonight – no, not a mother/daughter combo, or better still the twins menage a trois but a back to back 7k run.  Last night a 7k and tonight was scheduled as a 5k but I was feeling saucy so I poked in another 7k.  This is not bad going I have to say.  Last Fridays 10k was interrupted at around 8k by the urgent need to poop.  I was gutted.  There is nothing quite like the feeling of a good run but sometimes, my body clock is just off a bit. Imagine my disappointment when last night’s 7k also got interrupted by the need to poop.

In the forest it’s not so bad, I carry a pack of handy andy’s in my running bag and can cop a squat almost completely at will, but in the city, it needs a bit of pre planning.  More surprising, after two and a half months in Genoa, these are the first times that the poop has reared its head, or should I say, touched its cloth?

I am pleased to say that tonight’s run went exactly as planned, a good pace from the off, very cold here tonight but I have my hat and gloves.  At around the mile mark (regular readers will be aware this is my first poop danger stage) I felt the urge.  I couldn’t believe it, a third night on the trot (excuse the pun).  The really bad thing is, when you feel the urge and you start thinking about plans, it makes you need poop relief more.

I pushed on and thankfully the urge went away………..for a while.  The second time, curiously enough, I was in the vicinity of the toilet that had saved my turtle embarrassment on the two previous runs.  Its funny how your body knows huh ?  I clenched again and pressed on.

The clench saddened me a little.  There is no doubt, it has actually been scientifically proven, that having to clench slows you down. Usain Bolt might manage a sub 10 second 100 metres but ask him to clench and it drops to 12 seconds flat. My pace had been good, without a doubt the clenches would cost me.

I passed the twisted ankle spot with caution and then ‘did one’ down the home straight back to the shipyard, stopped my watch and felt confident of a new 7k record.

Not to leave you on a cliff hanger but Connor sent me some blonde jokes which I would like to share with you all.

 

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the
Shampoo?”

He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”
——————————

A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.

“I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet.

The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me.”

The blond man says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”
————————————

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND”.

He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
————————————

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her
Contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.

“No!” he shouts, “this is her husband!”
————————————

A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve
To avoid a tree, then another, then another.

A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the
Road.

The cop says, “That’s your air freshener swinging about!”
————————————

A blond man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

“What did you put in the paper ad?” his wife asks.

“Here boy!” he replies.
————————————

A friend told the blond man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”

The blond man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
————————————

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police
Station.

One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”

The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”

 

OK, back to the main story – the run.  It was my second fastest 7k time, just 11 seconds off a new record – those clenches had surely cost me the record, Norris McWhirter could have been so proud but alas, I failed.

Tomorrow I will try the 10k record just for shits and giggles – actually, maybe I shouldn’t use that phrase.

 

On a lighter note, I am looking  to go to Egypt next month to finally complete my Scuba Instructor exams.  Egypt is really cheap at the moment – 4 star hotels for around 40€  a night – that’s not too shabby. Sharm el Sheik here I come.

That will do for now but let me give you a little tip – Gin Wigmore !

Lastly but by no means least – please all say hi to Joanne Beach – an old chum from my LeasePlan days – Hi Jo!  she recently joined the ranks of the ‘subscribed’.  The November Archives will be 9 years old in a couple of months – sometimes the only thing that keeps me coming back is the fact that there is so much history here.  Anyway, Jo is somewhere down south in the Selsey area – she is so rock and roll!!


One response to “Duck Dynasty is back !!!

Have a moan - the beers are on me !!

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