ok, as i thought, inspiration wouldnt be far away once i returned to this drug infested shag island.
so tonight as i am driving home from collecting my car, i notice the guy in the lane next to me is going to cross over and crash into me so i give him a quick blast on my horn ( no, not my cock). i was of course in the right lane and not changing so he was clearly in the wrong.
so kind of him to wave a finger at me and give me some advice from behind his closed window.
i carried on driving until he came along side me at the next set of lights where he dropped his window and proceeded to give me more advice in spanish. it was at this precise point that i thought i should test his understanding of the english language and returned his banter with
‘ fuck off you stupid spanish cunt’
clearly he spoke no english, my windows were wide open and so were his. after that i tried my spanish on him and told him,
it’s easy, you use your indicator!
i think he understood that because he zoomed off in his little penis extension not to bother me any more. this i thought, would be the end of my encounters for my journey home but no such luck.
the local coke heads have a unique way of funding their habits here. they wait in the car parks until it is free to park, then as you aproach jump in front of you waving their arms like a rabid arab at the nearest parking space hoping you will take it and give them a buck for their troubles………………not tonight sunshine!!!!! he jumped out, i didn’t steer, i didnt brake, he jumped back in quicker than he jumped out, i shouted ‘fuck off you twat’ at the top of my voice, cruised past him and into a bay three places down.
god bless this little island
The November Archives 
Have a moan - the beers are on me !!